Well I got the impression a girl I’ve been friends with for years started liking me recently and a couple of people also told me they think this. But then all my friends say not to say anything or make a move because they think all girls always make a move if they want it enough. But I don’t think she will because she’s shy and has low confidence. My friends think otherwise and they say I’ll 100% get rejected, will lose her as a friend and be labelled creepy.
Are you interested in her in a romantic way?
Your friends are telling you to take the safe route: don't ask and you won't get rejected. Odds are that most of them either don't have a girlfriend or they have had the same girlfriend since third grade and they are not really experienced dudes.You've gotta take a chance if you wanna find romance. Yes, you may express your interest and get rejected. But the reality is that part of the experience that turns a oy into a man is learning to deal with that rejection when it happens. I'm not suggesting that you go looking for situations where you will definitely get rejected but most situations like this involve some chance of rejection and you've gotta take that chance or live the "safe" life of never asking a girl for a date.So, imagine that you tell her that you feel affection for her that's stronger than just being a friend and that you feel physically attracted to her. Then, what if she rejects you? She'll give you some lame line like "I wouldn't want to take a chance on ruining our friendship." And then you will meekly accept that - because you really have no choice - and life will go on. No one will die as a result of rejection. No one at school will be laughing at you. None of your body parts will fall off. Life will go on. And the next time you want to ask a girl out, it will be just a little bit easier.BUT maybe she will say yes! Do you imagine her saying "yes" and you put your arms around her and kiss her? That will NEVER happen until you do something to make it happen, and that is usually the responsibility of men, not women.
There is an alternative strategy which you could use only if you just can't try the direct route of telling her how you feel. This might work if she is a shy girl and has difficulty overcoming that initial hurdle of accepting the idea of dating. You could say to her, "I don't have a girlfriend and you don't have a boyfriend and I'd like to know what it's like so what would you think about hanging out together and doing stuff like people do on dates just to get the idea of what it's like? But nothing more than whatever you're comfortable with." And if she agrees, you schedule something to do and, at some point, you take her hand in yours and you hold hands and you say "Just practicing." And the next "date," you "practice" hugging. And maybe on the third "date," you "practice" having your first kiss. And at some point she will realize that she has actually developed feelings for you and you can drop the pretense of "practicing."What do you think?
We already hang out one on one. Started doing that recently. But I also worry about coming off too strong. People say you should let women chase you and not vice versa.
Most women like men who are confident and assertive. She is probably not going to take the lead.
But she’ll also go off on tangents. And she can be indecisive. Other times she’ll say if she wants to do something other than what I suggested.
So, next tome you are hanging out, just reach over, take her hand, and hold it. Look at her and smile, but you don't need to say anything. When she gets comfortable with that, move on to the lingering hug.
I think she might be losing interest in me. She doesn’t hold prolonged eye contact anymore like she used to. She just looks away now when I turn to her and then occasionally glances back at me.
Maybe she is losing interest because you are not doing anything to pursue her. She may think that she is sending you strong hints and you are just not interested. This is your chance! Go for it. At this point, what do you have to lose?
Although when we sat on the bench she sat down first and she sat in the middle so I was reasonably close to her. When she could have sat at the other end and I would have sat at the other end. I just put my tea in between us.
Her friendship is what I have to lose.
Could you remain her friend if she isn't interested and starts dating some other guy? Can you handle being "just a friend" and hearing about how wonderful the new guy is?
She never talks about other guys with me anyway, not even guy friends. So might be fine.
I understand that friendship is important but the best romantic partner is one who is also your best friend. How will you ever develop such a relationship if you don't express an interest in a friend?
Was your partner once a friend?
Yes. And once I developed feelings for her, I knew that I could not continue to be "just" a friend to her. I went for it. Ultimately, it didn't work out. But. . . most people who are in high school will not remains friends with their current group of friends after graduation. That is the way that it has worked for generations. When you are in high school, you are convinced that you will be friends forever and nothing can come between you. But, by the end of summer after graduation, you will have contact with very few of them, unless you live in a small community and don't go away for college or work.
But everyone around me keeps saying that if you show interest in a woman, she’ll reject you and it’s a fact experienced by many guys. Then they say, if you don’t accept that, you’ll never get a girlfriend.
How many women are chasing after you at present?
So their advice is not working out so well for you.
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So it leant just happen by magic right? This is what I thought but some people say it just happens. Which I don’t get.
I don't get it either.
I do. Because she started making any excuse to be in the same place I am a lot and in a group, she just wants to talk to me. She even interrupts when I’m having conversations with others. and she says my name a lot. And she highlights my positive traits a lot. And she talks about me with others.
does she compliment you? what positive traits she told you? do you show a signs that you like her or have a crush on her? and what are the signs?
No she doesn’t compliment me. She says well done etc after I achieve something. She notices positive traits like the fact I’m ambitious, have a lot of hobbies etc. Do I show signs? I don’t know. I do spend a lot of time with her, arrange to meet her alone (even walking 45 minutes to see her), make prolonged eye contact with her whilst talking, I prioritise her - she asked me before why I came back early from something but I didn’t admit it was to see her and just made something up. I guess all this makes it obvious to her.
awww, thats nice, what she look liked? and how old are you both? how did you meet?
It might be nice but I now don’t know what to do because I fear she might be losing interest in me. Now she struggles to maintain eye contact with me, she rarely texts me first and never arranged anything herself (although she never really did). We’ve known each other for years as friends. She looks beautiful.
But what I mean is will one have to make a move if they want something to happen or will it progress naturally?
It will if she feels the same.
But I don’t understand how it just happens naturally as if by magic. Surely one person has to make a move first?
That's the beauty of love.
Makes no sense to me. Someone has to initiate.
Someone has to make a move! Otherwise it’d never become romantic.
So what happens when 2 friends just get closer as friends but both are too shy to make a move?
You’d continue to be friends until someone worked up the courage to say something or make a move.