How should men who can’t get dates deal with it and find what they’re doing wrong without being labelled a sexist or mysoginist?

Question

Answer 1

Xper 4

I wish I could offer you advice, but I myself don’t really understand how the whole dating thing is supposed to work. It seems like a lot of pressure to be physically intimate with someone after knowing then for a very short period of time.

I feel uncomfortable with the whole process and would probably say no even if I was attracted to someone right now because of that. I don’t know if I’m normal that way, or abnormal that way. I hope that my own personal hang ups and intimidation at the idea of a relationship aren’t taken as a personal rejection by anyone.

Asker

5 d
So are you more likely to say yes to a friend?
FocusOfSuspicion

5 d
Yeah like 100x more likely
Asker

5 d
Interesting. Do you think this is true? www.themodernman.com/.../...-ask-out-a-friend.html
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FocusOfSuspicion

5 d
I don’t know. I don’t believe in having sex before marriage and I’ve been in 1 short relationship in my life. The focus on sexual attraction is intimidating. I don’t know how I’d handle it if someone showed blatant sexual interest. And I think that’s because I’m not sure, given my determination not to have sex outside of marriage, where the line is and what I should or should not allow approaching that line. I’m not super confident in my appearance. I just lost 25 lbs and now have a healthy BMI again, so I know I look better than I have in a long time, but I’m insecure by nature, not circumstance, so sexual innuendo will probably make me self conscious and want to retreat.
Asker

4 d
I think these types of coaches actually advise against showing blatant sexual interest. They say that women naturally find attractive things like good humour and being able to make her laugh, being strong, confident etc.
Asker

4 d
Do you think that’s true?
FocusOfSuspicion

4 d
Yeah, but the whole look her up and down to show sexual appreciation thing.
Asker

3 d
That’s weird.

Answer 2

Asker

So are you more likely to say yes to a friend?

Answer 3

FocusOfSuspicion

Yeah like 100x more likely

Answer 4

Asker

Interesting. Do you think this is true? www.themodernman.com/.../...-ask-out-a-friend.html

Answer 5

FocusOfSuspicion

I don’t know. I don’t believe in having sex before marriage and I’ve been in 1 short relationship in my life. The focus on sexual attraction is intimidating. I don’t know how I’d handle it if someone showed blatant sexual interest. And I think that’s because I’m not sure, given my determination not to have sex outside of marriage, where the line is and what I should or should not allow approaching that line. I’m not super confident in my appearance. I just lost 25 lbs and now have a healthy BMI again, so I know I look better than I have in a long time, but I’m insecure by nature, not circumstance, so sexual innuendo will probably make me self conscious and want to retreat.

Answer 6

Asker

I think these types of coaches actually advise against showing blatant sexual interest. They say that women naturally find attractive things like good humour and being able to make her laugh, being strong, confident etc.

Answer 7

Asker

Do you think that’s true?

Answer 8

FocusOfSuspicion

Yeah, but the whole look her up and down to show sexual appreciation thing.

Answer 9

Asker

That’s weird.

Answer 10

In_Trance | 3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

They should stfu and listen to advice when it's offered. If they want different results they need to do different things. All the time they sit there with a giant ego and not willing to change anything only hurts them

Asker

5 d
I’m willing to change but no one can tell me what I’m doing wrong.
In_Trance

5 d
Fair. All I can tell you is its something you're saying or doing. Or not.
Approach girls. All kinds.
Asker

5 d
Well how do I narrow it down,

Answer 11

Asker

I’m willing to change but no one can tell me what I’m doing wrong.

Answer 12

In_Trance

Fair. All I can tell you is its something you're saying or doing. Or not.
Approach girls. All kinds.

Answer 13

Asker

Well how do I narrow it down,

Answer 14

boggboss | 6K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

How far do u get with dating as to talking to women

Asker

5 d
I just get friend zoned if I ask them out.
boggboss

5 d
Then the women you are talking to was not attracted to you
Asker

5 d
None of them are. I get rejected 100% of the time. Does this mean I should just accept that I’m not attractive enough to get a girlfriend or even a date?
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boggboss

5 d
No daring is always hard the same way there are many women you would reject as you are not attracted to them no?
Asker

5 d
No, I literally would say yes to anyone.
Asker

5 d
I can’t afford to be picky.
Asker

5 d
And I mean I literally get rejected 100% of the time. I’ve never been on a date in my life.
boggboss

5 d
Then that shows your desperate and probably plays a factor into why women are not attracted to you nobody wants a partner that would date anybody
Asker

5 d
Well I've been told that before and didn’t put any effort in. And nothing happened.
Asker

5 d
Then if i be picky, of course I still get rejected. And if I focus less on dating and on other things, still nothing happens. I literally can’t win.
boggboss

5 d
Well then u know reasons why date is not working for you also
Asker

5 d
I don’t. I don’t know what to do.
Asker

5 d
And It’s not fair. Most people can get at least 1 date in a few years. I don’t even get that opportunity.
boggboss

5 d
But you have just explained a major issue women won't date guys with no self worth as a standard nobody is asking you to be picky but if they can sense you dont value yourself why would they want to date you
Asker

5 d
I do value myself. I only expanded my pool as a narrow pool wasn’t getting me any dates.
boggboss

5 d
Yet from what u have said here already it dont seem you do value yourself u have already said you would date any girl that said yes even if u was jot attracted to them
Asker

5 d
I didn’t say “even if I wasn’t attracted to them”. I’m simply saying I was willing to compromise to match reality.
boggboss

5 d
Yet you said u would say yes to anyone which shows you dont value yourself highly
Asker

5 d
I meant I would expand my pool since my narrow pool wasn’t getting any dates. What would you do then if you couldn’t get any dates?
boggboss

5 d
Honestly I would continue to look thats just it again dating is never easy but yes some find it harder then others I got my first date at 22
Asker

5 d
Why so late? What caused the success? What did you change about yourself?
boggboss

5 d
I started to act more confidant and stopped caring what others thought about me I use to complain women didn't like me yet I was not aware of when women did like me because I was too afraid to approach them
Asker

5 d
This is exactly how I became and it still didn’t work for me. And it’s frustrating.
boggboss

5 d
Well ofc it will be frustrating but again finding someone you are attracted to that they are equally attracted to you and in the right head space for a relationship is not easy
Asker

5 d
And never comes for some people. You got your first date at 22. I’m nearly 30 and still waiting. Hence there must be things you can do which makes it more likely for it to happen.

Answer 15

Asker

I just get friend zoned if I ask them out.

Answer 16

boggboss

Then the women you are talking to was not attracted to you

Answer 17

Asker

None of them are. I get rejected 100% of the time. Does this mean I should just accept that I’m not attractive enough to get a girlfriend or even a date?

Answer 18

boggboss

No daring is always hard the same way there are many women you would reject as you are not attracted to them no?

Answer 19

Asker

No, I literally would say yes to anyone.

Answer 20

Asker

I can’t afford to be picky.

Answer 21

Asker

And I mean I literally get rejected 100% of the time. I’ve never been on a date in my life.

Answer 22

boggboss

Then that shows your desperate and probably plays a factor into why women are not attracted to you nobody wants a partner that would date anybody

Answer 23

Asker

Well I've been told that before and didn’t put any effort in. And nothing happened.

Answer 24

Asker

Then if i be picky, of course I still get rejected. And if I focus less on dating and on other things, still nothing happens. I literally can’t win.

Answer 25

boggboss

Well then u know reasons why date is not working for you also

Answer 26

Asker

I don’t. I don’t know what to do.

Answer 27

Asker

And It’s not fair. Most people can get at least 1 date in a few years. I don’t even get that opportunity.

Answer 28

boggboss

But you have just explained a major issue women won't date guys with no self worth as a standard nobody is asking you to be picky but if they can sense you dont value yourself why would they want to date you

Answer 29

Asker

I do value myself. I only expanded my pool as a narrow pool wasn’t getting me any dates.

Answer 30

boggboss

Yet from what u have said here already it dont seem you do value yourself u have already said you would date any girl that said yes even if u was jot attracted to them

Answer 31

Asker

I didn’t say “even if I wasn’t attracted to them”. I’m simply saying I was willing to compromise to match reality.

Answer 32

boggboss

Yet you said u would say yes to anyone which shows you dont value yourself highly

Answer 33

Asker

I meant I would expand my pool since my narrow pool wasn’t getting any dates. What would you do then if you couldn’t get any dates?

Answer 34

boggboss

Honestly I would continue to look thats just it again dating is never easy but yes some find it harder then others I got my first date at 22

Answer 35

Asker

Why so late? What caused the success? What did you change about yourself?

Answer 36

boggboss

I started to act more confidant and stopped caring what others thought about me I use to complain women didn't like me yet I was not aware of when women did like me because I was too afraid to approach them

Answer 37

Asker

This is exactly how I became and it still didn’t work for me. And it’s frustrating.

Answer 38

boggboss

Well ofc it will be frustrating but again finding someone you are attracted to that they are equally attracted to you and in the right head space for a relationship is not easy

Answer 39

Asker

And never comes for some people. You got your first date at 22. I’m nearly 30 and still waiting. Hence there must be things you can do which makes it more likely for it to happen.

How should men who can’t get dates deal with it and find what they’re doing wrong without being labelled a sexist or mysoginist?

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