I'm a 25-year-old crushing on a 10th grader at the school I work. What to do?

Question

FYI in my country Japan the age of consent is usually 13, at least in major cities. But the situation is...
I'm 25. I've been interning at an international school for a few months now. One of my roles is assisting and subbing this student's 10th grade music class.
Okay, that's a lot of info already, hopefully nobody finds me posting on here...
As a musician, I've always had a weak spot for musical talent. He's surprisingly multitalented. On top of that it doesn't help that he's cute af and sweet.
I've been singing in his newly formed band (formed by his music teacher/my former teacher) and we practice twice a week. I also bump into him in the hallways sometimes. His classrooms are a floor above where I mostly work everyday and the vending machine is on his floor, so everyday I would "go to the vending machine".
Look at me, writing like a smitten teenager.
Anyway, he probably sees me as this old lady and other than when we do music, we live in two different worlds (obviously). Actually, sometimes he speaks to me formally, sometimes he doesn't, so I'm not sure what he sees me as. But probably either as "some lady" or "some old lady". Hopefully the former...
When I'm with him in class, I feel myself turn quiet except when we discuss our music or when the other kids get distracted from work and I have to get them back on track... I almost have to force myself to talk otherwise. He makes me so nervous.
He mostly talks to his bandmates but sits near me and sits facing me with his guitar.
He's generally a good kid. Smart, nice, has leadership skills, and very musically talented, as I mentioned. He is also on the mature side. He doesn't seem like the sporty type.
Ok, I'm ready to publish this and humiliate myself.

Not sure, I've never heard of this happening

Do absolutely nothing. Just suck it up and suffer.

It's a COVID thing. Have many drinks, go to a church (not in that order), and it'll pass.

Laugh about it with a friend.

Go with it. It happens and it's not that crazy.

Other

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Updates:

1 y

Thanks for all your comments. I'm kind of surprised by your interest in this post... I wasn't expecting so many responses.

Just FYI I am not a lisenced educator, I'm an intern and I am going into Education but not as a classroom teacher.

Not that it makes much difference, but just to make that clear.

Answer 1

OlderAndWiser | 8.9K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Influencer

You need to buy an industrial-strength vibrator and diddle yourself silly every day before you go to work. You and this kid might find fifteen minutes of pleasure but it won't lead to anything good for your future.

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5 People

Asker

1 y
I'll do that, thanks

Answer 2

Asker

I'll do that, thanks

Answer 3

Anonymous

First of all, this is so well written. Makes me feel you are gonna be an amazing teacher.

Now coming back to your question, I think there is a lot at stake here. You sound like a nice women with amazing potential. There is no harm in looking, but I would strongly advise against acting in it. The reason is obvious.

Now regarding how you can get over it. What I found very useful is surround yourself with faces and characters that are your type. Like not just in real life, in what you read, in what you watch. This could help you and let your mind occupy thoughts of some other things.

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4 People

Asker

1 y
Thanks for the advice! I'm going to do that for sure.
Screenwriter

1 y
I think something must be seriously missing in your life if you're considering this young child as a sex object. It's normal that you find someone past puberty attractive, but considering acting on it is extremely troubling. Find a pro to talk to about this and get it out of your system. That should help immensely and get to the bottom of this off base attraction. Good luck.

Answer 4

Asker

Thanks for the advice! I'm going to do that for sure.

Answer 5

Screenwriter

I think something must be seriously missing in your life if you're considering this young child as a sex object. It's normal that you find someone past puberty attractive, but considering acting on it is extremely troubling. Find a pro to talk to about this and get it out of your system. That should help immensely and get to the bottom of this off base attraction. Good luck.

Answer 6

Paolaa988

Explorer

I mean there's nothing wrong with liking him. I myself have a thing for younger guys and will date them as long as its legal. Haters are gonna hate but i think it's not good for your job and reputation if you spark something up. I dont think its a good idea for that given reason, not so much the age factor since it's legal there

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4 People

Paolaa988

1 y
Also for people who have the incorrect definition of "pedophile"it means being attracted to NON pubescent children NOT pubescent guys and since he hit puberty he's not considered a child and given the fact he can legally consent there makes him old enough
Paolaa988

1 y
Lmao itd be funny to date an 18 year old and not someone your age so nobody can do or say shiiit about it and stfu. Sorry you dont deserve all this hate.
Paolaa988

1 y
If you need someone to talk to feel free to follow me and you can date anyone you please as long as its legal age but you shouldn't go for your student since it can turn bad but yeah dont let people label you

Answer 7

Paolaa988

Also for people who have the incorrect definition of "pedophile"it means being attracted to NON pubescent children NOT pubescent guys and since he hit puberty he's not considered a child and given the fact he can legally consent there makes him old enough

Answer 8

Paolaa988

Lmao itd be funny to date an 18 year old and not someone your age so nobody can do or say shiiit about it and stfu. Sorry you dont deserve all this hate.

Answer 9

Paolaa988

If you need someone to talk to feel free to follow me and you can date anyone you please as long as its legal age but you shouldn't go for your student since it can turn bad but yeah dont let people label you

Answer 10

Manduh

Xper 5

This is so cute!!! I kind of want to read this as a story and see where this goes

React

6 People

Asker

1 y
Haha! Well, I'll probably be posting about this a lot. 😆
Manduh

1 y
Ooooh I better follow you then
Asker

1 y
Thanks! I'll follow back.😊
Show All Show Less
Manduh

1 y
💜💜💜
Aiko_E_Lara

1 y
Now let's reverse the gender and see if you'd still call it cute.
Manduh

1 y
I'd still call it cute
Aiko_E_Lara

1 y
Easier said than done
Manduh

1 y
Not really

Answer 11

Asker

Haha! Well, I'll probably be posting about this a lot. 😆

Answer 12

Manduh

Ooooh I better follow you then

Answer 13

Asker

Thanks! I'll follow back.😊

Answer 14

Manduh

💜💜💜

Answer 15

Aiko_E_Lara

Now let's reverse the gender and see if you'd still call it cute.

Answer 16

Manduh

I'd still call it cute

Answer 17

Aiko_E_Lara

Easier said than done

Answer 18

Manduh

Not really

Answer 19

sensible27 | 778 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Uhh.. analyze try not to overestimate or underestimate things.

Also interesting how the male female audience is split
And secondly, what the reaction would've been it was 25yo guy and a girl in tenth grade. I'd say fundamentally age isn't thaat relevant but does serve as somewhat of a proxy for people and their lives

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3 People

Answer 20

Anonymous

From puberty to menopause women are biologically attractive to reproductive age males. (1x - 4x) finds (1x - 4x) attractive. Basic range is 12 - 40, but some earlier and others later, it is biologically dependent. Attraction to the opposite sex is a natural part of Adulthood. You Just respond to his pheromones, but you will find someone in your age group that is appropriate to be involved with. Being concerned about age of consent is grossly inappropriate. It's understandable you're attracted, but acting on it is wrong. 9 years is too extreme and your position in the school is not proper. I recommend you seek the Jesus and he'll open relationships to you. You are still a young woman and there are more than enough singles around your age. I would recommend within 5 years of your age.

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1 Person

Answer 21

Anonymous

Girl you're a pedophile.
Please contact a therapist, maybe one that specializes in that area, and start working on it.
It doesn't matter what "the age of consent is". They're a child.
Please do contact a therapist so that you don't molest a kid because you were being reckless.
This is something that can scar a person for life (speaking from experience).

I'm not judging you. I know you're/born like this or it develops because of some sort of trauma.
I'm just begging you that you go work on yourself so that you'll deal with your exsistance a bit easier.

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3 People

Opinion Owner

1 y
Also leave the school right now and choose another job. This is like an alcoholic working at a bar.
Please don't do this shit. We've all got stuff in our lives that we can't have.

Answer 22

Opinion Owner

Also leave the school right now and choose another job. This is like an alcoholic working at a bar.
Please don't do this shit. We've all got stuff in our lives that we can't have.

Answer 23

Nachowedgie | 3.2K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

It's 13 for people under the age of 18, not for people over it, this is in pretty much every prefectures individual laws. So either way it's illegal for you and the fact that you're on here trying to make excuses for your thoughts about it screams predator to me

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6 People

Answer 24

RoxyFoxx

Xper 5

DON'T act on it. It's a phase and it'll pass. But remember: a moment of pleasure may cause the sinner lifelong misery.

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3 People

Asker

1 y
Very true. Thanks.

Answer 25

Asker

Very true. Thanks.

Answer 26

Screenwriter | 1.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

In your role as a teacher this is inappropriate. I don't care what the "legal age" is in Japan. He's 15 and a child.
Why don't you ask his parents if you can date him? If they give their permission, then I suppose it's legal and OK with them.
If you can't ask their permission, you have your answer.
Look for someone your own age, for heaven's sake. What's wrong with 25 year olds?

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2 People

JessieBellll

1 y
Why would a 25 year old ask a parent if he can date a 15 year old?

That's so creepy.
Screenwriter

1 y
@JessieBellll AND THERE'S YOUR ANSWER!!! IT's CREEPY! You're being creepy to crush on a CHILD.
What is going ON with you? Talk to a counselor and get your head straight. This could be a disaster.
Stop.
JessieBellll

1 y
I am not the asker here. What are you talking about?

I am saying its ridiculous you proposed it as an option
Show All Show Less
Screenwriter

1 y
@JessieBellll I DID NOT pose it as an option. I said that to show how ridiculous an idea it was. What parent wants a 25 year old asking to date their 25 year old. They'd call the police.
Screenwriter

1 y
15 year old... excuse me..

Answer 27

JessieBellll

Why would a 25 year old ask a parent if he can date a 15 year old?

That's so creepy.

Answer 28

Screenwriter

@JessieBellll AND THERE'S YOUR ANSWER!!! IT's CREEPY! You're being creepy to crush on a CHILD.
What is going ON with you? Talk to a counselor and get your head straight. This could be a disaster.
Stop.

Answer 29

JessieBellll

I am not the asker here. What are you talking about?

I am saying its ridiculous you proposed it as an option

Answer 30

Screenwriter

@JessieBellll I DID NOT pose it as an option. I said that to show how ridiculous an idea it was. What parent wants a 25 year old asking to date their 25 year old. They'd call the police.

Answer 31

Screenwriter

15 year old... excuse me..

Answer 32

Hangry22

Guru

He's a teen. So he probably has student teacher fantasy

React

3 People

Asker

1 y
interesting...
Hangry22

1 y
Doesn't mean you should act upon it. Maintain the sanctity of teaching lady
Asker

1 y
of course... i don't want to ruin my career...😖

Answer 33

Asker

interesting...

Answer 34

Hangry22

Doesn't mean you should act upon it. Maintain the sanctity of teaching lady

Answer 35

Asker

of course... i don't want to ruin my career...😖

Answer 36

Anonymous

What would you do if you met an attractive woman who was already married? You accept her as off-limits and look elsewhere. It is human nature to be attracted to girls that age but you just have to rise above the urge and ignore her. Think of what's best for her, should a girl who's not even old enough to sign her own checks have some teacher pursuing them? Yoh can make whatever excuses you want, but this girl is simply off-limits too bad good bye that's that.

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Opinion Owner

1 y
Sorry, I thought I was replying to a guy who had asked the same question earlier. But my reasoning still stands.

Answer 37

Opinion Owner

Sorry, I thought I was replying to a guy who had asked the same question earlier. But my reasoning still stands.

Answer 38

WesBrewer | 1.3K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

you shouldn't date a 10th grader or even try to, it won't end well for you especially if you care about your job, if your superiors find out you'll most likely be fired, so just get some nice wine and drink, and go to church lol

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1 Person

Answer 39

IAMNathanael | 136 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

This is an odd situation isn't it? I live in the usa where most states the age of consent is eighteen. So naturally I'd say go with that but if you're native to Japan then I guess you'll do what you know. I'm probably no help.

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
I mean... the age is not a problem. It's the fact that I intern at the school and he is a student...
IAMNathanael

1 y
Oh true. In any case I'd keep it strictly professional.
Psychosocial

1 y
No, the age of consent in most states is 16.
Show All Show Less
IAMNathanael

1 y
Oh true? Well, that's news to me

Answer 40

Asker

I mean... the age is not a problem. It's the fact that I intern at the school and he is a student...

Answer 41

IAMNathanael

Oh true. In any case I'd keep it strictly professional.

Answer 42

Psychosocial

No, the age of consent in most states is 16.

Answer 43

IAMNathanael

Oh true? Well, that's news to me

Answer 44

HedwigInABox | 81 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

Oh wow it's really sad that no one want's to hold female predators accountable. You should't be a teacher. This isn't cute and you are disgusting.

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4 People

Answer 45

mistixs | 565 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

You keep it to yourself and date somebody your own age.

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4 People

Answer 46

Gabboo

Xper 4

I don't care what the age of consent is in another country, you're trying to excuse pedophilia and you need fucking help

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4 People

Answer 47

JessieBellll | 266 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

This happens often with teachers and students. More often than you think.

But if you act on it you are a PERVERT. Hell, it's illegal if you are a teacher, he could be 17 and you will still go to jail.

So decide if you want to be a pervert or a pedophile, or an responsible adult and keep your career. t's really on you. No excuses here.

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1 Person

Answer 48

Anonymous

Besides being wrong to begin with, choosing to act on this desire could cause you a world of legal, personal and professional havoc, and it's not worth it. Find someone your own age. The end.

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4 People

Answer 49

Marco10

Xper 7

Go find yourself someone your age and don’t be stupid. I don’t care about the legality of your situation in Japan. This isn’t right.

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3 People

Paolaa988

1 y
She doesn't have to. What you gonna do about it? Absolutely nothing since its legal
Marco10

1 y
Nobody stepped on your tail. Go hide in your cave.
Screenwriter

1 y
@Paolaa988 Someone made the statement that it's only legal for people 18 and younger. I think this is supposed to cover dating teens. It doesn't apply to anyone 19 or older.
Show All Show Less
Paolaa988

1 y
@Screenwriter yeah i know but whats wrong if she dates an 18 year old compared to a 15 year old? Given the fact 18 is legal mostly everywhere or in some states in the U. S is actually 16 or 17. I dont get all the reason for all the hate. Older men muchhh older prey on 18 year olds ALL the time and date them and she's only 25 not like she is 35 cmon... I just dont see the issue. Its not a good idea to get involved with this 15 year old boy but im saying if she likes younger guys she should date a 18 year old so she won't get in major trouble with her job or his parents saying something. I also like young guys but i won't go below 18 but if they can legally consent without parents and are above nobody should be talking or hating. Thats all im trying to say. Plus the definition of a pedophile is liking children before puberty and he is a teenager but he hit puberty already.
Screenwriter

1 y
@Paolaa988 I don't think this is so simple. If I were a teacher of teen-agers, I wouldn't be dating someone who could be or was at my school or ANY high school... It looks bad and it is a poor reflection on the older adult. The maturity gap is simply too big from 15 to 25. I know the teacher says he's mature. But let's see what I didn't do at 15. I didn't drive a car. I didn't pay any bills. I didn't have credit cards. I got a small allowance. I didn't know how to cook. I was a virgin. I didn't wash my own clothes. I didn't clean toilets. I didn't have my own medical insurance. I hadn't graduated from high school, much less college, so I didn't know much about the world. I didn't know how to live as an adult, period. Eventually, all these things will come to light. They leave a lot to be desired.
Besides music, what does this grown woman have in common with this child. Let's face it: 15 compared with 25 is a child to an adult.

Answer 50

Paolaa988

She doesn't have to. What you gonna do about it? Absolutely nothing since its legal

Answer 51

Marco10

Nobody stepped on your tail. Go hide in your cave.

Answer 52

Screenwriter

@Paolaa988 Someone made the statement that it's only legal for people 18 and younger. I think this is supposed to cover dating teens. It doesn't apply to anyone 19 or older.

Answer 53

Paolaa988

@Screenwriter yeah i know but whats wrong if she dates an 18 year old compared to a 15 year old? Given the fact 18 is legal mostly everywhere or in some states in the U. S is actually 16 or 17. I dont get all the reason for all the hate. Older men muchhh older prey on 18 year olds ALL the time and date them and she's only 25 not like she is 35 cmon... I just dont see the issue. Its not a good idea to get involved with this 15 year old boy but im saying if she likes younger guys she should date a 18 year old so she won't get in major trouble with her job or his parents saying something. I also like young guys but i won't go below 18 but if they can legally consent without parents and are above nobody should be talking or hating. Thats all im trying to say. Plus the definition of a pedophile is liking children before puberty and he is a teenager but he hit puberty already.

Answer 54

Screenwriter

@Paolaa988 I don't think this is so simple. If I were a teacher of teen-agers, I wouldn't be dating someone who could be or was at my school or ANY high school... It looks bad and it is a poor reflection on the older adult. The maturity gap is simply too big from 15 to 25. I know the teacher says he's mature. But let's see what I didn't do at 15. I didn't drive a car. I didn't pay any bills. I didn't have credit cards. I got a small allowance. I didn't know how to cook. I was a virgin. I didn't wash my own clothes. I didn't clean toilets. I didn't have my own medical insurance. I hadn't graduated from high school, much less college, so I didn't know much about the world. I didn't know how to live as an adult, period. Eventually, all these things will come to light. They leave a lot to be desired.
Besides music, what does this grown woman have in common with this child. Let's face it: 15 compared with 25 is a child to an adult.

Answer 55

SparklyRoses

Xper 3

You should get over it by staying away from him and meeting other people your age

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4 People

Answer 56

Anonymous

Suck it up and act like and adult, If you were a bloke I'd be tempted to call you a certain name beginning with a capital P.

You are in a position of responsibility start acting like it, or give up the job and move.

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2 People

JessieBellll

1 y
I called her the name already
Opinion Owner

1 y
@JessieBellll No doubt if I had called her it I'd have been called a misogynist and other colourful language by another of the women on the site.

Answer 57

JessieBellll

I called her the name already

Answer 58

Opinion Owner

@JessieBellll No doubt if I had called her it I'd have been called a misogynist and other colourful language by another of the women on the site.

Answer 59

AFellowWeeb | 353 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

keep in mind for japanese men, 25 is already a age u should be married, they prefer younger

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Answer 60

Thatasianlove16 | 162 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

You should probably relocate or just never be a teacher again

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2 People

Thatasianlove16

1 y
Sorry I didn’t read the rest of it , because in the US that predator like but I don’t know and that Situation honestly I wouldn’t do anything

Answer 61

Thatasianlove16

Sorry I didn’t read the rest of it , because in the US that predator like but I don’t know and that Situation honestly I wouldn’t do anything

I'm a 25-year-old crushing on a 10th grader at the school I work. What to do?

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