Should I tell my boyfriend that I was r*ped?

Question

It happened 4 years ago. It really changed me as a person. I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now, and things are getting serious. I don't know if I should tell him or not? How would you react if your partner told you something like that?

Answer 1

SjE78 | 1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I would suggest to let him know, yes... but do it in your time... as it may explain situations that may occur during intimacy and he should be patient with you and make time to understand and be supportive towards you... as he should expect that not all the time are you going to be in a position mentally to welcome him or be close to him, but at times it will be quite the opposite...

so if you are prone to freaking out at certain times doing certain things and he's wondered why or gotten angry with you for it, or even frustrated then it will certainly help to answer those unanswered questions he'd have and also help towards building a deeper bond and trust between you... to him the fact you would have confided in him about something like this would mean a lot, he may become frustrated at the fact you went through it alone and be angry about who did this to you, but knowing is far better than not... and will help towards your healing and he will be able to help you through things which in turn will also mean he will feel less useless too and you less frustrated that you can now speak to him about it...

Answer 2

Walt832 | 53 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

Oh man. You just remind me this two twin friends. They actually came to me out of all my friends. They wanted to let it out with someone they can trust.

I felt heart broken how their 2 family members raped them daily. Until mother caught up with them up.

Once they told me we were more closer together. I mean I treated them as sisters.

Anyways, not sure how well he will take it. Search for articles along with him. Find out how he express himself by asking questions and later slide the question "would you date a female that has been? If he is smart enough will catch it. I just hope he has heart. Just make sure you can trust him.

If I had girlfriend. I will give her full support.

Answer 3

Cherokeehp | 1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Only if you’re ready to. If he loves you I’m pretty sure he’ll just want to be able to support you. I’ve never been raped, but it’s almost happened to me once. First week of college I met a guy and he tried to hold me down and have sex with me. I started struggling and fortunately he eventually gave up and threw me out of his room. The guy actually went around telling people that we had sex anyway and that I was a filthy whore. At that time my boyfriend and I were just friends, but he confronted the guy for me anyway. What happened to you wasn’t your fault and if he has any working brain cells I’m sure he’ll understand that. Tell him when you feel ready.

Answer 4

tgxrx

Xper 1

If you feel comfortable and trust him enough, then yes tell him. ultimately it is your decision.

tgxrx

29 d
what do you mean? it makes a huge difference. I've been in that position before with family and friends. opening up to talk about trauma is helpful to you and others because it brings up small boundaries whether its rape jokes, or be cautious around things that could trigger her to have a panic attack. all he'd see is her panicking and have no context whatsoever. so yes, it would be better if she told him. and if it causes trouble in the relationship, then its not meant to be.

Answer 5

tgxrx

what do you mean? it makes a huge difference. I've been in that position before with family and friends. opening up to talk about trauma is helpful to you and others because it brings up small boundaries whether its rape jokes, or be cautious around things that could trigger her to have a panic attack. all he'd see is her panicking and have no context whatsoever. so yes, it would be better if she told him. and if it causes trouble in the relationship, then its not meant to be.

Answer 6

Anonymous

Yes, you should tell him... it will help him understand who you are as a person. I have only really know two women who were forced to go through that. One was my wife... *sigh who refuses to say anything about it, and I am never going to try and get her to talk about it, if she is just uncomfortable in talking to me about. The thing is that one of my best female friends, who I ended up in an emotional affair that never went physical... never had a problem in confiding with me on what happened and why she feels a certain way on doing some things. It really did bring us closer together emotionally, since I felt I knew her better than I did my own wife. It still hurts that my wife refuses to talk about it to me... I just feel like she can't trust me in a deep enough way. I just don't know how else to explain it... it just hurts.

Answer 7

Bad_Man55 | 745 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

If you feel comfortable enough to discuss and feel that there is a future with him then you may want to consider it. You by no means are obligated to share it with him but if you think it would help him understand you better then it may be a good idea.

Answer 8

knottywriter

Xper 5

If he truly cares its somewhere would try to talk to you about and help you through some of the lingering effects of that trauma.

Answer 9

In_Trance | 3.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

If it was the other way around would you want him to tell you?

Answer 10

okeydoke | 330 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 7

His only reaction should be empathy and support. You don’t have to tell him, but it’s certainly an expression of trust.

Answer 11

CassieCape

Xper 6

If you feeling comfortable and trust him then you should tell him. Otherwise don't.

Answer 12

Shamalien | 1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

should certainly come up before you have sex

Answer 13

1DiscreetAmigo

Xper 2

Î’d help her

Should I tell my boyfriend that I was r*ped?

Most Helpful Guys

Most Helpful Girls

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes