Why do some people allow themselves to be mistreated?

Question

One of my closest friends recently met someone and soon after she declared that she wanted to get engaged to him. I couldn’t understand, but whatever. Now 5 months later, she’s telling me that he is “abusive”. He disrespects her in front of their mutual friends, he looks for excuses to start arguments, he’s sexually pushing her to do things she’s not comfortable with, he goes through her phone, he constantly brings up her past and judged her for it, he’s asking her to change her hair colour and get a tan because he likes it (like wtf?) etc. I told her to GET THE FUCK OUT, because he is ABUSIVE ASF, but she says that she can’t do that and basically is signing herself up for a shitty life with him. I’m so frustrated with her. Now, she is really beautiful and smart and not the “insecure” type, so why is she allowing it?

Updates:

1 y

Judges*

Answer 1

In_Trance | 6.6K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Some people are wired that way. Mistreated in your perception, is acceptable to her. She doesn't understand your point of view; just as you don't understand hers

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Asker

1 y
Is it some form of mental illness?
In_Trance

1 y
Not really. We're all raised differently. Both good and not so good influences and habits. Chances are, how you were raised, is what you equate to normal. To try to convince someone otherwise is probably not going to go well.
As far as a friendship is concerned, you have to respect the fact that she feels good about what she's doing and is happy. So, you should be happy for her. That's what friends do (to a certain extent)
I think she's fkn nuts; but I'm not her. She probably couldn't live the way I do. And that's Ok.
Asker

1 y
But she’s NOT happy. She says that she cries so much because of him and that it’s NOT acceptable, but she is STILL willing to put up with it. She has such an abusive father, so maybe she’s subconsciously seeking out a partner like her dad?
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In_Trance

1 y
Accurate. Her Father's behavior she equates to normal. You don't because you weren't around that,

Answer 2

Asker

Is it some form of mental illness?

Answer 3

In_Trance

Not really. We're all raised differently. Both good and not so good influences and habits. Chances are, how you were raised, is what you equate to normal. To try to convince someone otherwise is probably not going to go well.
As far as a friendship is concerned, you have to respect the fact that she feels good about what she's doing and is happy. So, you should be happy for her. That's what friends do (to a certain extent)
I think she's fkn nuts; but I'm not her. She probably couldn't live the way I do. And that's Ok.

Answer 4

Asker

But she’s NOT happy. She says that she cries so much because of him and that it’s NOT acceptable, but she is STILL willing to put up with it. She has such an abusive father, so maybe she’s subconsciously seeking out a partner like her dad?

Answer 5

In_Trance

Accurate. Her Father's behavior she equates to normal. You don't because you weren't around that,

Why do some people allow themselves to be mistreated?

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