Do you ever feel like you're not worth dating?

Question

As is probably obvious by this question, my self-esteem is pretty crappy. I could give a thousand reasons as to why, but none of that's important to the question so. . . Anyway.

I've always made excuses as to why I won't put myself out there yet—always said I'm working on myself first—but how much work do I need to put into myself before I feel worthy of making an effort in the land of relationships? I'm twenty-three years old and my love life is emptier than a Canadian outdoor pool in December.

So my question is: Have you ever felt this way? And if so, how did you overcome it?

Yeah, this is normal

No

No, that isn't normal

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

cth96190 | 1.8K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

If you think that you are 'not worth dating', are there things that can be improved to make yourself more appealing?
For myself, my close to 99 per cent rejection rate throughout my life indicated that the female population thought that I was 'not worth dating', even though on paper I could tick all the boxes for what women were supposed to want.
I was and had everything that women were supposed to want, so there was not much scope for improvement.
In the case of a female, if you are not aware of it you need to become conscious of the reality that males are highly visual.
We have to like what we see to be motivated enough to approach.
So, you need to do as much work as possible on your physical presentation.
Be slim. Be fit. Have a well-conformed muscle structure. Spend money with a hairdresser and get some fashion advice.
Do a deportment course, which will teach you the behaviours and presentation that attract male attention.

Answer 2

Jonn123

Xper 4

I have felt like this during lows in my life! Especially when someone either dumped me or when I dumped them. Dating and relationships constantly make us reassess our lives and who we are.

I overcame it by literally just doing all sorts of activities and improving my mindset. Especially going out with friends has helped me. Mindset wise, I started valuing myself more. Like in a situation, for example in dating, I would reassure myself that I'm worth it and that I am worthy of a partner who's as worth it as I am.

The thing to not do is keep pitying yourself and make excuses. You don't have to get out there if you aren't ready, don't put that pressure on yourself.

Work on yourself till you don't question whether you're worth dating or not. When you then feel like you're worth dating, or when you don't even have to ask yourself this question, then that's a good sign you're ready to go date.

Whimzy

19 d
Good advise. Thanks! I get what you're saying with the "when you don't even have to ask yourself this question" thing. I bet that's the case for most people with healthy levels of self-esteem, sorta like how if someone constantly describes themselves as a nice person they usually aren't. So by asking this question, it proves I'm not mentally ready to be dating, and if I am dating then it shows I still have work to do on myself to improve my relationship.

Even as I sit here I'm having to backspace excuses because I'll type something like "When I get a car I'll. . ." but realize I'm still doing it. Plenty of people don't have cars and still manage to date just fine.

I suppose I've always known these things but it's good to read it coming from someone else. You and another commenter have given me ideas for the new year when, hopefully, covid restrictions lift a bit more.
Jonn123

19 d
Yeah it might be a good idea to work on yourself a bit more, but don't worry you'll get there! And indeed, lots of car-less people still manage to date without having a car. I recently got access to a car, and I wouldn't say it has changed anything date wise. Sure it's cool to invite someone to drive with you, but public transport here gets you anywhere you wanna go anyways.

And I'm glad I and another commenter have given you some ideas, I wish you the best! :))

Answer 3

Whimzy

Good advise. Thanks! I get what you're saying with the "when you don't even have to ask yourself this question" thing. I bet that's the case for most people with healthy levels of self-esteem, sorta like how if someone constantly describes themselves as a nice person they usually aren't. So by asking this question, it proves I'm not mentally ready to be dating, and if I am dating then it shows I still have work to do on myself to improve my relationship.

Even as I sit here I'm having to backspace excuses because I'll type something like "When I get a car I'll. . ." but realize I'm still doing it. Plenty of people don't have cars and still manage to date just fine.

I suppose I've always known these things but it's good to read it coming from someone else. You and another commenter have given me ideas for the new year when, hopefully, covid restrictions lift a bit more.

Answer 4

Jonn123

Yeah it might be a good idea to work on yourself a bit more, but don't worry you'll get there! And indeed, lots of car-less people still manage to date without having a car. I recently got access to a car, and I wouldn't say it has changed anything date wise. Sure it's cool to invite someone to drive with you, but public transport here gets you anywhere you wanna go anyways.

And I'm glad I and another commenter have given you some ideas, I wish you the best! :))

Answer 5

the_imperfectionist | 288 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

I've been feeling like this a lot since my break up. Although I'm approached by many I usually just reject them cause I have this fear that they'll eventually get bored of me or they're just looking for sex.

Whimzy

13 d
I relate to the "get bored of me" mentality. I'm always afraid I'm too quiet, too interested in 'weird' things, too socially awkward, or simply too intense or not intense enough.

Answer 6

Whimzy

I relate to the "get bored of me" mentality. I'm always afraid I'm too quiet, too interested in 'weird' things, too socially awkward, or simply too intense or not intense enough.

Answer 7

NamerOfStars | 521 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I think we all feel that way sometimes. It's important to remember that not only do you need to be accepting of flaws and limitations in a potential partner, you need to do the same for yourself. Where exactly to draw the line between "this is a problem, but I'm working on it" and "this is a problem that needs to be fixed first" is far from an easy question.

Whimzy

13 d
That makes sense. I've been working on going easier on myself, but it's so hard. Fighting to break away from the mindset of "it's better to be prepared for the worst than to expect the best" is a difficult process, especially when surrounded by people who constantly prove that mindset right.

Thanks for the feedback! You've given me something to think about.
NamerOfStars

13 d
Great! I hope it helps.

Answer 8

Whimzy

That makes sense. I've been working on going easier on myself, but it's so hard. Fighting to break away from the mindset of "it's better to be prepared for the worst than to expect the best" is a difficult process, especially when surrounded by people who constantly prove that mindset right.

Thanks for the feedback! You've given me something to think about.

Answer 9

NamerOfStars

Great! I hope it helps.

Answer 10

Jayeldubya2828

Xper 1

Yes. The easiest thing you can do initially is hit the gym. Find a workout class, I'd recommend jujitsu/kickboxing since I do it haha, dancing... pretty much anything to get active, in better shape and meet new people. It sounds corny but just find your personal goals and interests and find groups who do just that.

Whimzy

19 d
I used to do Zumba, but the few guys who did that were typically men in their late fifties and above who came with their wife lol. But when I get a car and more Covid restrictions are lifted I might see about getting back into it. I've wanted to take self-defence classes too, but I don't have enough time in my day with me being gone usually from 8:30am-7pm. The car will change that though, so. . . kickboxing you say? Which do you find easier, jujitsu or kickboxing?
Jayeldubya2828

19 d
Honestly they're both equally difficult in different ways. The great thing about it though is if you find a good Jiu-Jitsu gym, more likely than not they will have kickboxing among a few other disciplines there as well and you will meet plenty of younger people there as well. Take it from me, you will make plenty of new friends and it becomes a lifestyle. The new year is right around the corner, Google some of the gyms near you and find the best rated one. Usually they let you try a few days to a week worth of classes for a free trial to see how you like it. Don't think, just do it. So far it's one of the best decisions I made in my life.
Whimzy

19 d
Awesome! Thanks for the suggestions. There are a couple of local gyms that might have that kind of thing going on, otherwise, I'll have to drive into the city, but I'll definitely look into it. Losing weight and getting in shape is one of my goals actually, so this fits perfectly.
Show All Show Less
Jayeldubya2828

19 d
You're very welcome. Only other piece of advice is don't give up... enjoy!

Answer 11

Whimzy

I used to do Zumba, but the few guys who did that were typically men in their late fifties and above who came with their wife lol. But when I get a car and more Covid restrictions are lifted I might see about getting back into it. I've wanted to take self-defence classes too, but I don't have enough time in my day with me being gone usually from 8:30am-7pm. The car will change that though, so. . . kickboxing you say? Which do you find easier, jujitsu or kickboxing?

Answer 12

Jayeldubya2828

Honestly they're both equally difficult in different ways. The great thing about it though is if you find a good Jiu-Jitsu gym, more likely than not they will have kickboxing among a few other disciplines there as well and you will meet plenty of younger people there as well. Take it from me, you will make plenty of new friends and it becomes a lifestyle. The new year is right around the corner, Google some of the gyms near you and find the best rated one. Usually they let you try a few days to a week worth of classes for a free trial to see how you like it. Don't think, just do it. So far it's one of the best decisions I made in my life.

Answer 13

Whimzy

Awesome! Thanks for the suggestions. There are a couple of local gyms that might have that kind of thing going on, otherwise, I'll have to drive into the city, but I'll definitely look into it. Losing weight and getting in shape is one of my goals actually, so this fits perfectly.

Answer 14

Jayeldubya2828

You're very welcome. Only other piece of advice is don't give up... enjoy!

Answer 15

answerseeker127

Xper 6

I've felt this way for a while. Ever since my engagement ended, my confidence was shot.
Didn't help that I started having issues at work and life and I basically self destructed.
Most of the girls I attract now only use me for attention and I can't find anyone who truly likes me.
I don't feel worth dating and I don't ask people out anymore. Last person I asked out only wanted my attention after she got broken up with.

Whimzy

13 d
Ah, man, I'm sorry you went through that. I can't say I know anything of what you're going through, but in a similar vein, out of the three guys I've been with, two weren't interested in me as a person. Anytime I suggested hanging out all I got were excuses; they never wanted to hang out, they just wanted someone so they could tell their friends/family/etc they had a girlfriend and, if confronted with disbelief, had proof to back it up. Weird af, but we were teenagers at the time.

I hope things turn around for you, and 2021 becomes your year that things go your way, from one internet stranger to another.

Answer 16

Whimzy

Ah, man, I'm sorry you went through that. I can't say I know anything of what you're going through, but in a similar vein, out of the three guys I've been with, two weren't interested in me as a person. Anytime I suggested hanging out all I got were excuses; they never wanted to hang out, they just wanted someone so they could tell their friends/family/etc they had a girlfriend and, if confronted with disbelief, had proof to back it up. Weird af, but we were teenagers at the time.

I hope things turn around for you, and 2021 becomes your year that things go your way, from one internet stranger to another.

Answer 17

Hmmmbetternothere | 87 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

When young we have self doubts. But, be confident and know you are stronger inside and worth it. Confidence attracts women, same with women for us men. Be confident you are uniquely made beautiful. Best wishes.

Whimzy

13 d
Thanks! Still working on that confidence part lol.

Answer 18

Whimzy

Thanks! Still working on that confidence part lol.

Answer 19

TheAfrikan | 297 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

It is normal not untill when you go in and see how stuff Is and experience loving somebody who loves you back n cares for you.
BASICALLY Once you feel like that then go and give it a try knce you are ready love is not rushed it is a process.

Answer 20

IHateBeingaMan | 688 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

my mindset and perspective towards it has changed over the years, but i get annoyed, enraged, when people call it a skillset or learnable skill, learned behavior, its long and difficult to explain

Answer 21

chHaynes | 97 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 5

I feel like women don't know what the pass it up versus what they could end up doing I'm worth trying now are you

Answer 22

Snakeyes7 | 630 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

Yeah on occasion but that isn't something I really worry about anymore.

Whimzy

13 d
I find the feeling has faded with age, but I still get this strong sense every once and a while. Maybe by the time I'm thirty I'll be that "Takes no crap, gives no shits" type of person I've always admired lol.
Snakeyes7

12 d
I can see that being the case. I feel like I am that kind of person and I am proud of it. I cannot care what other people do with their own lives as long as it does not infringe on mine. Not that I go out of my way to piss people off but I don't care what people think about me so non-constructive criticism bounces off me. In fact, I might laugh at them if their insult is creative or cookie-cutter enough. That is how little I care about random hate.

Answer 23

Whimzy

I find the feeling has faded with age, but I still get this strong sense every once and a while. Maybe by the time I'm thirty I'll be that "Takes no crap, gives no shits" type of person I've always admired lol.

Answer 24

Snakeyes7

I can see that being the case. I feel like I am that kind of person and I am proud of it. I cannot care what other people do with their own lives as long as it does not infringe on mine. Not that I go out of my way to piss people off but I don't care what people think about me so non-constructive criticism bounces off me. In fact, I might laugh at them if their insult is creative or cookie-cutter enough. That is how little I care about random hate.

Answer 25

Jmmmfi4 | 915 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I'm absolutely convinced of it

Do you ever feel like you're not worth dating?

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