Why don't I feel wanted despite often being told I'm attractive?

Question

People tell me that I'm attractive a lot, some have asked if I model (which is kinda ridiculous because I'm short). As a female, this is probably normal but I get hundreds of matches on dating apps and thousands of likes, yet I have not made a single connection. Literally all of the guys end up ghosting me after the first few interactions.

I do have an awkward, deadpan sense of humor that probably isn't for everyone, but I always felt that was a part of my charm. Although, I am a sexual person (under the right circumstances), I prefer to get to know the person before becoming sexually involved. So, I tend to not respond to early sexual advances.

There are people who say I'm cute and stuff, but often they don't even approach me.

Answer 1

Knighted2170 | 359 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

This is kind of common for many. Women feel it more than men though.

The most obvious answer is the conversations you are having. Men are probably asking you common questions that you have answered many times before. When those questions run out they switch to flirting, and possibly start too early for you.

You can really only reach that connection and the feeling of being wanted through a conversation that goes deeper than superficial questions and surface level conversations about where you work and your hobbies.

Hope that helps.

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1 Person

Answer 2

chriscdi

Master

well getting approached isn't as common as movies make it look, not to mention looking and being approachable is a thing, if you are very attractive, believe it or not can make it harder to get approached because it can also intimidate a guy and could make them too nervous to make a move, and guessing from what you said about people asking you if you model kinda leads my thoughts to thinking that maybe your looks intimidate people

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Asker

1 y
So you think it would do me favors to make myself appear less attractive?
chriscdi

1 y
why would you want to do that lol

no be yourself, if a guy is gonna approach you, they gotta see the real you, if you like dressing good dont stop it for this reason, just smile more, now if you want to take a break one day from consuming so much time getting ready to go out then to each is their own

by any chance are you the anon that posted that model material question not too long ago?
Asker

1 y
No. This is my first anon in a while.

Tbh. I smile a lot even when I don't feel like it. Guys appear to really like my smile, but still.

I do take a long time to get ready, but only because I'm unorganized. If I care and I'm not lazy, sometimes I do "dress up", but I have my own unique gender neutral style and the only makeup I wear is lip gloss.
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chriscdi

1 y
then you really got it bad, you are just gorgeous natually?

if you are a very quiet person that also can decreases chances and if you are never alone, also decreases chances, well if your looks intimidate people then you'll probably have to give it the little push, start a convo with the person, or wait for the right person with the right amount of confidence to walk up
Asker

1 y
I'm not neurotypical and I can't participate in conversation that doesn't feel natural to me for too long or I'll get burned out. Most conversations are this way however. Maybe my disconfort from trying to mask is sensed, I really don't know.
chriscdi

1 y
well yea if you aren't comfortable then its understandable, if the convo is weird then avoid it but im talking in general missy

Answer 3

Asker

So you think it would do me favors to make myself appear less attractive?

Answer 4

chriscdi

why would you want to do that lol

no be yourself, if a guy is gonna approach you, they gotta see the real you, if you like dressing good dont stop it for this reason, just smile more, now if you want to take a break one day from consuming so much time getting ready to go out then to each is their own

by any chance are you the anon that posted that model material question not too long ago?

Answer 5

Asker

No. This is my first anon in a while.

Tbh. I smile a lot even when I don't feel like it. Guys appear to really like my smile, but still.

I do take a long time to get ready, but only because I'm unorganized. If I care and I'm not lazy, sometimes I do "dress up", but I have my own unique gender neutral style and the only makeup I wear is lip gloss.

Answer 6

chriscdi

then you really got it bad, you are just gorgeous natually?

if you are a very quiet person that also can decreases chances and if you are never alone, also decreases chances, well if your looks intimidate people then you'll probably have to give it the little push, start a convo with the person, or wait for the right person with the right amount of confidence to walk up

Answer 7

Asker

I'm not neurotypical and I can't participate in conversation that doesn't feel natural to me for too long or I'll get burned out. Most conversations are this way however. Maybe my disconfort from trying to mask is sensed, I really don't know.

Answer 8

chriscdi

well yea if you aren't comfortable then its understandable, if the convo is weird then avoid it but im talking in general missy

Answer 9

NamerOfStars | 996 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Master

Well, what WOULD make you feel wanted? You might not know, but it's the kind of question you'd do well to know the answer to. Give it some thought.

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Asker

1 y
Like finding out what your love language is. I believe my love language is quality time. I want to feel heard and understood. That rarely happens because people don't stick around long enough to figure me out.
NamerOfStars

1 y
So you'd want someone who'd spend a lot of time with you, perhaps to do the important things together with you?

Answer 10

Asker

Like finding out what your love language is. I believe my love language is quality time. I want to feel heard and understood. That rarely happens because people don't stick around long enough to figure me out.

Answer 11

NamerOfStars

So you'd want someone who'd spend a lot of time with you, perhaps to do the important things together with you?

Answer 12

Luckycharms12 | 1.4K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

There shy if you are hot girl or they think she is cute she most have a boyfriend

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