Girls, why do so many of you think guys hate it when you approach?

Question

I don't know where this popular belief that guys are turned off by women who approach came from but I can tell you that most men literally do not care if you do. If a guy isn't interested in you it's not going to be because you approached its because he just simply doesn't want to date you.

Answer 1

Tiffany_Taylor_Made | 98 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

However, within my own personal experiences, men with those overly "macho" personalities tend to be offended by being approached by women. I've heard many men directly say that they feel emasculated when women approach them and shoot their shot. They believe that approaching is a masculine thing and that women are meant to be approached by men. Doing that kind of makes the women feel "masculine" and "dominant" to them, which is a turn off to them. Men like them view women wanting to be approached and swept off their feet by a man as a form of "submissiveness," which is a turn on for them. Of course, this isn't true for every man. Men that are shy around women or those with weaker social skills are more likely to welcome women approaching them because it simply makes their lives easier. It doesn't really matter too much for me anyway because I never approach men. I let them do the approaching because it's a great way to test a man's confidence level. The more confident the man, the sexier.

React

3 People

Asker

1 y
"Men that are shy around women or those with weaker social skills are more likely to welcome women approaching them because it simply makes their lives easier." Well, I happen to be that guy. Do you know what I should do? Because most women are exactly like yourself. They love dominant masculine confident men but I don't really have those traits. Or at least I don't think I have enough of them I should say.
Tiffany_Taylor_Made

1 y
I don't recommend waiting for the right woman to approach you because, unless they're drug addicts, prostitutes, or desperate, most women wouldn't approach men first. Men approach women extremely often and women are more likely to accept the most attractive man of the bunch. Because of that, and the fact that many women allow men to approach to test their confidence and their own sex appeal, many women feel that they don't have to approach men anyway. Therefore, my advice is for you to work on becoming less shy and more confident, which can provide you the courage to approach women.
Asker

1 y
Would asking her out be enough? I honestly don't think I can change from being shy to super confident. I can be the initiator but I don't know if that's enough for most women.

Answer 2

Asker

"Men that are shy around women or those with weaker social skills are more likely to welcome women approaching them because it simply makes their lives easier." Well, I happen to be that guy. Do you know what I should do? Because most women are exactly like yourself. They love dominant masculine confident men but I don't really have those traits. Or at least I don't think I have enough of them I should say.

Answer 3

Tiffany_Taylor_Made

I don't recommend waiting for the right woman to approach you because, unless they're drug addicts, prostitutes, or desperate, most women wouldn't approach men first. Men approach women extremely often and women are more likely to accept the most attractive man of the bunch. Because of that, and the fact that many women allow men to approach to test their confidence and their own sex appeal, many women feel that they don't have to approach men anyway. Therefore, my advice is for you to work on becoming less shy and more confident, which can provide you the courage to approach women.

Answer 4

Asker

Would asking her out be enough? I honestly don't think I can change from being shy to super confident. I can be the initiator but I don't know if that's enough for most women.

Answer 5

lilyanony1 | 315 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

I don't think guys don't like it, I think they find it intimidating. And depending on the guy, he may find that the woman is forward and needs to remember her lower ranking place.
Or cower under the pressure of not being in the drivers seat.
The rarest kind of guy sees this as an opportunity to get to know an open minded individual and will use her approach as the start of an exchange. Whether the conversation is temporary or the making of something more.

I often think people forget that we (all of us) can actually be friendly and assert whatever we feel in the development of every situation.

React

Asker

1 y
I can see a lot of guys who find it intimidating actually. But those guys have problems themselves because they're too worried about looking emasculated if they associate themself with a woman who's more aggressive than the average woman.
lilyanony1

1 y
And I dated one like that. But it just became really toxic (there's that word again). He wouldn't compliment me especially when I made an effort on our dates. In fact he often told me that I should have worn x and that would be better.
He started to not want to show any affection in public.
When I decorated my home he insulted it saying he wouldn't have picked the things I chose.
When we split up and I dated other men the fact I dated outside our race he used that as a reason to call me a hoe.
He asked me to send him a photo of a woman I thought was his type. When I did he was happy with my choice, when I asked him to do the same for me he told me he couldn't so I asked him why and he said "you don't have a type you just date whatever comes your way."
Maybe I shouldn't be offended by this but his tone felt like shade.
His excuses for not being able to contribute financially to the household, was boring especially as when he did he bought some food items but made sure he ate them all himself before he travelled for work (staple foods that could last or be eaten by me like 12pack eggs)
The last straw was him booking a holiday then only telling me the night before he was travelling.
Maybe not all intimated guys are like this but this one was just a p. o. s!
Asker

1 y
That guy is just really insecure. Most women at some point in their life will find out just how much pride men have in their masculinity. To many guys its literally the most important thing in the world and I'm not exaggerating. They will do everything in their power to protect their masculinity from being exposed even if it means they have to do something that will get them in prison. Fortunately most guys won't go that far though.
Show All Show Less
lilyanony1

1 y
I hope to just find a normal one
lilyanony1

1 y
Thanks for mho x

Answer 6

Asker

I can see a lot of guys who find it intimidating actually. But those guys have problems themselves because they're too worried about looking emasculated if they associate themself with a woman who's more aggressive than the average woman.

Answer 7

lilyanony1

And I dated one like that. But it just became really toxic (there's that word again). He wouldn't compliment me especially when I made an effort on our dates. In fact he often told me that I should have worn x and that would be better.
He started to not want to show any affection in public.
When I decorated my home he insulted it saying he wouldn't have picked the things I chose.
When we split up and I dated other men the fact I dated outside our race he used that as a reason to call me a hoe.
He asked me to send him a photo of a woman I thought was his type. When I did he was happy with my choice, when I asked him to do the same for me he told me he couldn't so I asked him why and he said "you don't have a type you just date whatever comes your way."
Maybe I shouldn't be offended by this but his tone felt like shade.
His excuses for not being able to contribute financially to the household, was boring especially as when he did he bought some food items but made sure he ate them all himself before he travelled for work (staple foods that could last or be eaten by me like 12pack eggs)
The last straw was him booking a holiday then only telling me the night before he was travelling.
Maybe not all intimated guys are like this but this one was just a p. o. s!

Answer 8

Asker

That guy is just really insecure. Most women at some point in their life will find out just how much pride men have in their masculinity. To many guys its literally the most important thing in the world and I'm not exaggerating. They will do everything in their power to protect their masculinity from being exposed even if it means they have to do something that will get them in prison. Fortunately most guys won't go that far though.

Answer 9

lilyanony1

I hope to just find a normal one

Answer 10

lilyanony1

Thanks for mho x

Answer 11

Anonymous

from my point of view, I think, we dont like to to go first its just that we 'try to be the mean girls" and boys approach to us we dont and its something very common in many girls and guys have courage we are kinda of shy and like when boys come to us !!
hope this helps you:))

React

Answer 12

MzAsh | 808 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

Guys themselves have told me they don’t like it. Studies have shown men prefer to ask out a woman first.

React

4 People

Asker

1 y
It must be the type of guys you surround yourself by because they're a lot of men who don't mind women approaching and I'm not talking about guys on this website or any other internet form I mean in real life. But of course they're not going to take any woman because just like you we have to reject someone if we're not attracted to them or don't think will be a good match. And also from what i've seen many guys who dislike women approaching are threatened that she will expose his masculinity because apparently being the one to initiate is still the "man's job".
Asker

1 y
Of course I'm not knocking down people's preferences. I just disagree with the social stigma around women making the first move.
Dali-chan

1 y
They like It as an ego boost, but they don’t see the girl as a relationship material.
Show All Show Less
MzAsh

1 y
There are a lot of awkward, or lazy men on here who have expressed they'd rather a woman ask them out. However, most women aren't attracted to men with these characteristics. Even shy and introverted men have sucked it up and asked me out which I find awesome.
Asker

1 y
"Even shy and introverted men have sucked it up and asked me out" do women really appreciate that? Because I'm that shy introverted guy you're talking about. From my experiences it seems a lot of women don't like shy introverted men. Maybe they just want them to be a little more assertive?
MzAsh

1 y
My man is shy and introverted, even more than me. But he still pursued me and asked me out. I appreciated it because it showed me that he liked me that much to go out of his way and even make himself a little uncomfortable to have a chance with me. And he won. If he hadn't have asked me out and just expected me to, we likely would have never dated.
Asker

1 y
Hey good for him. I guess you don't find him boring either. From what I've heard from many women on their stance on shy men is they're afraid he'll be boring. They're also afraid he maybe too passive and won't protect her or not aggressive in bed or too quiet for her. I know this isn't all women of course. This is just something that some women out here in the real world told me. They said they'll make an exception for one if he got some "fire" in him or whatever that means.

Answer 13

Asker

It must be the type of guys you surround yourself by because they're a lot of men who don't mind women approaching and I'm not talking about guys on this website or any other internet form I mean in real life. But of course they're not going to take any woman because just like you we have to reject someone if we're not attracted to them or don't think will be a good match. And also from what i've seen many guys who dislike women approaching are threatened that she will expose his masculinity because apparently being the one to initiate is still the "man's job".

Answer 14

Asker

Of course I'm not knocking down people's preferences. I just disagree with the social stigma around women making the first move.

Answer 15

Dali-chan

They like It as an ego boost, but they don’t see the girl as a relationship material.

Answer 16

MzAsh

There are a lot of awkward, or lazy men on here who have expressed they'd rather a woman ask them out. However, most women aren't attracted to men with these characteristics. Even shy and introverted men have sucked it up and asked me out which I find awesome.

Answer 17

Asker

"Even shy and introverted men have sucked it up and asked me out" do women really appreciate that? Because I'm that shy introverted guy you're talking about. From my experiences it seems a lot of women don't like shy introverted men. Maybe they just want them to be a little more assertive?

Answer 18

MzAsh

My man is shy and introverted, even more than me. But he still pursued me and asked me out. I appreciated it because it showed me that he liked me that much to go out of his way and even make himself a little uncomfortable to have a chance with me. And he won. If he hadn't have asked me out and just expected me to, we likely would have never dated.

Answer 19

Asker

Hey good for him. I guess you don't find him boring either. From what I've heard from many women on their stance on shy men is they're afraid he'll be boring. They're also afraid he maybe too passive and won't protect her or not aggressive in bed or too quiet for her. I know this isn't all women of course. This is just something that some women out here in the real world told me. They said they'll make an exception for one if he got some "fire" in him or whatever that means.

Answer 20

Katielikesbooks

Xper 1

Honestly, just how "masculinity " can be toxic. The very crude Man ask Woman. Woman have been taught that we serve the man for his desires. We are told we must be subservient and that we must not act first.

React

Answer 21

Cherokeehp | 1.1K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I don’t. I’ve approached guys. I’ve asked guys out. I’ve asked guys to be friends with benefits. Hasn’t failed me yet.

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
You must be doing something that most other women are struggling with. Maybe it's the type of guy you're approaching? Do you tend to approach more laid back and passive guys since they're usually more open to women like that?
Cherokeehp

1 y
I approach whomever I like. I’ve approached extroverted confident lady killers and I’ve approached introverted shy guys.
Asker

1 y
Interesting. So I guess you have more of a dominant personality? At least that's what it seems.
Show All Show Less
Cherokeehp

1 y
I don't know, I just do what I want. I was always taught that closed mouths don’t get fed. If you want something you’ve gotta speak up and go get it, and it hasn’t failed me yet.
Asker

1 y
I like that. I also like how you don't let society tell you what to do. Seems like that's what most people do.
Cherokeehp

1 y
I’ve been bullied my entire life and I’ve let other people’s opinions of me hold me back for so long. At some point I hit rock bottom and realized things couldn’t really get much worse, so I just started doing whatever I wanted.
Asker

1 y
I've been bullied and made fun of my whole life too and I still get teased every now and then. I was always so quiet and afraid to stand up for myself. I reached a low point and I just stopped caring. I just got out there and did what I want without letting people stop me or get in way. One thing I always told myself years ago was to not let society tell me what to do and how I should function as a man.
Cherokeehp

1 y
Well good for you. Decide your own path.
Asker

1 y
Exactly. That's what I been doing. I feel like I'm always alone but at least its better than being in the wrong crowd again.

Answer 22

Asker

You must be doing something that most other women are struggling with. Maybe it's the type of guy you're approaching? Do you tend to approach more laid back and passive guys since they're usually more open to women like that?

Answer 23

Cherokeehp

I approach whomever I like. I’ve approached extroverted confident lady killers and I’ve approached introverted shy guys.

Answer 24

Asker

Interesting. So I guess you have more of a dominant personality? At least that's what it seems.

Answer 25

Cherokeehp

I don't know, I just do what I want. I was always taught that closed mouths don’t get fed. If you want something you’ve gotta speak up and go get it, and it hasn’t failed me yet.

Answer 26

Asker

I like that. I also like how you don't let society tell you what to do. Seems like that's what most people do.

Answer 27

Cherokeehp

I’ve been bullied my entire life and I’ve let other people’s opinions of me hold me back for so long. At some point I hit rock bottom and realized things couldn’t really get much worse, so I just started doing whatever I wanted.

Answer 28

Asker

I've been bullied and made fun of my whole life too and I still get teased every now and then. I was always so quiet and afraid to stand up for myself. I reached a low point and I just stopped caring. I just got out there and did what I want without letting people stop me or get in way. One thing I always told myself years ago was to not let society tell me what to do and how I should function as a man.

Answer 29

Cherokeehp

Well good for you. Decide your own path.

Answer 30

Asker

Exactly. That's what I been doing. I feel like I'm always alone but at least its better than being in the wrong crowd again.

Answer 31

TessCasie | 166 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

Once we approach their ego rises up the sky and feel they have won us. Why bother chasing her thereafter.

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
Well, don't women get an ego boost when guys approach them too? I've heard stories about women who purposely wore revealing clothes or act flirty towards guys with no intention on dating them but they enjoy the attention.

Answer 32

Asker

Well, don't women get an ego boost when guys approach them too? I've heard stories about women who purposely wore revealing clothes or act flirty towards guys with no intention on dating them but they enjoy the attention.

Answer 33

Hangry22

Guru

Because most guys are always in gangs. The guy may not say anything rude but his friends will humilaite you and tease him

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
Why not approach him if he's by himself? Guys dont approach women if she's with her friends either.
Hangry22

1 y
Well i won't approach any guy. I an half demisexual so just looks will not attract me to a guy. I need to know his personality
Asker

1 y
I can respect that if you're demisexual. I feel like personality should mean more than what I feel like it is. It seems a lot of people care way too much about looks. From my experience
Show All Show Less
Hangry22

1 y
That does happen. But it's men that care sbout it more from what i have seen even though women may have high physical standards
Asker

1 y
I think that's a huge myth honestly because I believe women care about looks just as much but are just more discreet about it. I feel like the biggest reason I struggle with dating is because of my looks. I hope I'm wrong though.
chivesdak

1 y
I was looking for this comment about valuing appearance versus personality. I agree that women definitely seem to value looks as much as guys do, and I also agree that that is not the way it should be.

Just a few years ago, I was one of the rare people (I assume) who literally didn't care about looks and didn't notice them at all when I met new people. But I made a big effort to fit in, because i was somewhat of a socially inept young teen, and, in doing so, I exposed myself to a totally new culture that conditioned me to notice people's appearance. It had the unfortunate side effect of making me very self-conscious of my own body and looks.

However, when it comes to dating, looks are still never enough. I need to genuinely like the person and I need to respect them and that's why I would pretty much always turn down a stranger who approached me.
Asker

1 y
@chivesdak I was sort of like you except I always cared about looks to an extent but I used to think personality matters way more than I see it does. A lot of relationships I see are just people who are looking for somebody to show off to their friends and social media. Oh look he's so tall and muscular. Or he has a really good job or she's got big boobs and butt. I feel it's more of competition for a lot of people and it's not supposed to be.
Hangry22

1 y
@chivesdak i am not saying that i don't notice others looks. I do obviously but just observing their facial features. I observe couples and see if one is out of their league or not. It's more about checking out what must have led the other person to choose their partner
@Asker yes this is very much true. I have seen a guy here who is still with his chetaing girlfriend because she's a hot insta model with so many followers. Irl i have seen many people stay with unfaithful bitches because she/he is very hot or rich and they're still on the look for more suitors
chivesdak

1 y
I completely understand. I didn't mean to imply that I thought you meant you don't care about looks, and I admire that you feel the need to know someone's character, which you mentioned earlier. As humans we do, of course, inherently and subconsciously judge people based on their appearance to decide their levels of trustworthiness, likelihood of developing healthy offspring, etc. We aren't the cave people we once were, though, so it's nice to see people who care about personality before looks.

Answer 34

Asker

Why not approach him if he's by himself? Guys dont approach women if she's with her friends either.

Answer 35

Hangry22

Well i won't approach any guy. I an half demisexual so just looks will not attract me to a guy. I need to know his personality

Answer 36

Asker

I can respect that if you're demisexual. I feel like personality should mean more than what I feel like it is. It seems a lot of people care way too much about looks. From my experience

Answer 37

Hangry22

That does happen. But it's men that care sbout it more from what i have seen even though women may have high physical standards

Answer 38

Asker

I think that's a huge myth honestly because I believe women care about looks just as much but are just more discreet about it. I feel like the biggest reason I struggle with dating is because of my looks. I hope I'm wrong though.

Answer 39

chivesdak

I was looking for this comment about valuing appearance versus personality. I agree that women definitely seem to value looks as much as guys do, and I also agree that that is not the way it should be.

Just a few years ago, I was one of the rare people (I assume) who literally didn't care about looks and didn't notice them at all when I met new people. But I made a big effort to fit in, because i was somewhat of a socially inept young teen, and, in doing so, I exposed myself to a totally new culture that conditioned me to notice people's appearance. It had the unfortunate side effect of making me very self-conscious of my own body and looks.

However, when it comes to dating, looks are still never enough. I need to genuinely like the person and I need to respect them and that's why I would pretty much always turn down a stranger who approached me.

Answer 40

Asker

@chivesdak I was sort of like you except I always cared about looks to an extent but I used to think personality matters way more than I see it does. A lot of relationships I see are just people who are looking for somebody to show off to their friends and social media. Oh look he's so tall and muscular. Or he has a really good job or she's got big boobs and butt. I feel it's more of competition for a lot of people and it's not supposed to be.

Answer 41

Hangry22

@chivesdak i am not saying that i don't notice others looks. I do obviously but just observing their facial features. I observe couples and see if one is out of their league or not. It's more about checking out what must have led the other person to choose their partner
@Asker yes this is very much true. I have seen a guy here who is still with his chetaing girlfriend because she's a hot insta model with so many followers. Irl i have seen many people stay with unfaithful bitches because she/he is very hot or rich and they're still on the look for more suitors

Answer 42

chivesdak

I completely understand. I didn't mean to imply that I thought you meant you don't care about looks, and I admire that you feel the need to know someone's character, which you mentioned earlier. As humans we do, of course, inherently and subconsciously judge people based on their appearance to decide their levels of trustworthiness, likelihood of developing healthy offspring, etc. We aren't the cave people we once were, though, so it's nice to see people who care about personality before looks.

Answer 43

sheikalana | 1.6K opinions shared on Dating topic.

Guru

I don't think men hate being approached by women I'm just to shy for that unless I really have to.

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
Guys can be shy too. I know a lot of women aren't used to it and some of us really are. But we still gotta approach though. At least you don't have to.

Answer 44

Asker

Guys can be shy too. I know a lot of women aren't used to it and some of us really are. But we still gotta approach though. At least you don't have to.

Answer 45

Tonita91996 | 98 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

Because the woman comes off as desperate.

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
Has a guy ever told you that before?
Tonita91996

1 y
I just know from how men act towards me in the past.
Asker

1 y
Did they have that look on their face that says "why did you approach me"?
Show All Show Less
Tonita91996

1 y
No men just dont be interested in you. If a guy likes you he will tell you and you dont even have to ask him.

Answer 46

Asker

Has a guy ever told you that before?

Answer 47

Tonita91996

I just know from how men act towards me in the past.

Answer 48

Asker

Did they have that look on their face that says "why did you approach me"?

Answer 49

Tonita91996

No men just dont be interested in you. If a guy likes you he will tell you and you dont even have to ask him.

Girls, why do so many of you think guys hate it when you approach?

AI Bot Choice

Most Helpful Girl

Related Questions

What Girls Said (18)

Related myTakes