Is it over? and should I move on?

Question

A girl and I were about to be a couple (long distance) I met her over a year ago online. I met her in person for the first time back in September. COVID complicated things but she’s in CA and I’m in NY. I spent a week with her and we both had an amazing time. She referred to it as one of the best weeks ever. A couple of months ago we got into a argument and she pulled back and then ended up saying that my visit to her was special but that she didn’t think we were compatible, which I am still confused about. Before the argument she said she’d always want me and always want to be with me. That’s pretty much been our only argument and it wasn’t even a big one. We have kind of remained in contact, I have backed off and continued to give her space for the past couple of months. Not sure what to do.

Updates:

13 d

Also I should mention that I was resistant to the rejection at first. I also met her family and they liked me a lot, they still talk to me every now and then.

Answer 1

HollyK21 | 552 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Yoda

When people pull the plug abruptly like that, I feel like they were already having doubts and looking for a push, or an excuse. I’m sorry but unless it was a serious, unforgivable argument, then I’ve never seen a couple flat out break up over a first argument. Maybe LDR’s aren’t for her or something, I don’t know. However, you can’t wait around, hanging on to hope. All you can do is respect her wishes (for both of your sakes) and focus on yourself and your future. Don’t beat a dead horse, try to revive a dead situation, all that jazz.

Haterbye123

13 d
Yeah you’re right, overall she was a terrible communicator and wouldn’t tell me when something was bothering her. Before that argument she expressed to me that she didn’t think I liked her enough which wasn’t true at all and we worked through it and set plans to meet up again and make things official and then she started pulling back again leading to the argument that caused her to end things. I think she may have also been insecure because I was always good to her and treated her well and she would always say I hated her.
HollyK21

13 d
It sounds like she was making excuses, then definitely used that argument as a gateway to act as though it was the catalyst, so she could feel less guilty. Her overall reason for even doing that, and wanting to break up? Who knows. She seems very insecure in a way that she should’ve been addressing and getting help for before trying to date. As for you though, you shouldn’t look at the situation as a loss. From a less emotional standpoint, even you recognize that her behavior was poor even before the argument. How exhausting that had to be (and would have continued to be) constantly reassuring this girl, trying to convince her of your feelings and proving your devotion without getting that effort in return. No one ultimately wants that, and now you can rid yourself of it. That’s a W.
Haterbye123

13 d
Thank you for your words of encouragement, yeah I gave her so much of my time and so much effort and I showed her I cared for her every day but for some reason she needed reassurance through words and my actions didn’t seem to mean anything to her. It’s been pretty confusing for me. She has also been in 3 relationships, 2 of which were purely online and 1 lesbian 1 and she blamed all her exes on being toxic but now I see maybe she was also toxic.
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HollyK21

13 d
No worries dude, and honestly I know there’s 2 sides to every story, I don't know hers, but it doesn’t sound like you were in the wrong at all. She’s like so many people in this world who let their past experiences dictate their future ones, and that isn’t fair to you. You shouldn’t have to spend your relationship trying to recover from shit you didn’t even do and constantly try proving yourself. This girl just sounds like more trouble than she’s worth, love aside.
HollyK21

13 d
*weren’t in the wrong
Haterbye123

13 d
Ya thanks, I know I am not perfect and there were definitely things I could’ve done better. It was all new to me since I have never been in a relationship. I was willing to work things out and compromise but it seems she is just unwilling to do so, so you’re right I am probably much better off without someone like. Thanks again I appreciate you talking to me
HollyK21

13 d
Sorry that was your first experience in a relationship, dude. Hopefully you find someone much better and you won’t have to deal with drama. Also, no worries! Good luck out there☺️

Answer 2

Haterbye123

Yeah you’re right, overall she was a terrible communicator and wouldn’t tell me when something was bothering her. Before that argument she expressed to me that she didn’t think I liked her enough which wasn’t true at all and we worked through it and set plans to meet up again and make things official and then she started pulling back again leading to the argument that caused her to end things. I think she may have also been insecure because I was always good to her and treated her well and she would always say I hated her.

Answer 3

HollyK21

It sounds like she was making excuses, then definitely used that argument as a gateway to act as though it was the catalyst, so she could feel less guilty. Her overall reason for even doing that, and wanting to break up? Who knows. She seems very insecure in a way that she should’ve been addressing and getting help for before trying to date. As for you though, you shouldn’t look at the situation as a loss. From a less emotional standpoint, even you recognize that her behavior was poor even before the argument. How exhausting that had to be (and would have continued to be) constantly reassuring this girl, trying to convince her of your feelings and proving your devotion without getting that effort in return. No one ultimately wants that, and now you can rid yourself of it. That’s a W.

Answer 4

Haterbye123

Thank you for your words of encouragement, yeah I gave her so much of my time and so much effort and I showed her I cared for her every day but for some reason she needed reassurance through words and my actions didn’t seem to mean anything to her. It’s been pretty confusing for me. She has also been in 3 relationships, 2 of which were purely online and 1 lesbian 1 and she blamed all her exes on being toxic but now I see maybe she was also toxic.

Answer 5

HollyK21

No worries dude, and honestly I know there’s 2 sides to every story, I don't know hers, but it doesn’t sound like you were in the wrong at all. She’s like so many people in this world who let their past experiences dictate their future ones, and that isn’t fair to you. You shouldn’t have to spend your relationship trying to recover from shit you didn’t even do and constantly try proving yourself. This girl just sounds like more trouble than she’s worth, love aside.

Answer 6

HollyK21

*weren’t in the wrong

Answer 7

Haterbye123

Ya thanks, I know I am not perfect and there were definitely things I could’ve done better. It was all new to me since I have never been in a relationship. I was willing to work things out and compromise but it seems she is just unwilling to do so, so you’re right I am probably much better off without someone like. Thanks again I appreciate you talking to me

Answer 8

HollyK21

Sorry that was your first experience in a relationship, dude. Hopefully you find someone much better and you won’t have to deal with drama. Also, no worries! Good luck out there☺️

Answer 9

Kiss_Me | 169 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Xper 6

Who wants to date text on a screen or a voice over the phone? Find a local girl to date. It's not hard. You simply ask for a date.

Is it over? and should I move on?

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