If a woman wants love, how can she not be desperate?

[JKingOff]

That seems like a pretty simple question to me. Figure out the kind of guy that you want to have the rest of your life, I'm not just talking about looks. Once you find that person figure out what they want in a relationship for their partner. Then do your best to try and show him how close you can get to his ideal mate. For me, honesty, integrity, loyalty, inner strength, and the ability to make up her mind on her own without me influencing her or what I look for most of all. No offense met but I find it very annoying when my date can't even decide if they want soup or salad and ask me to choose for them. I found out the hard way that there is absolutely no winning with that kind of question. I also need a partner that I can rely on who compliments my strengths as well as my weaknesses so that we end up compensating and complementing each other. There will be things in life that I cannot do, there's just no way around that. Expect my partner to be physically and emotionally strong enough to stand on her own, support me when I need it most, and rely on me in the same way. Honestly for me is a big deal. I don't have thin skin and my spine is more than sturdy enough to take whatever hard truth she can throw at me. If she's honest with me and tells me the exact situation the way it happened as she perceived it then at least I know where I stand and I can plan accordingly. Loyalty should go without saying, but I find that many people with the younger generations don't fully understand what loyalty means. Loyalty isn't just about not cheating on your partner. Loyalty is choosing your partner above everyone else. That includes your immediate family, your longtime childhood friends, and whatever else might threaten your relationship. With a successful relationship you should never have to choose your children over your partner. Both partners fully understand that when it comes to their children if they need to step down they will and support from the background. integrity I think is a big one that a lot of people leave out in their bios. When you make the right choice for the sake of what you believe in regardless of the outcome you can hold your head high and say without hesitation even when the world says otherwise that you made a call and at the time you believed it was the right thing to do. When you maintain your morals your partner will have your back no matter what. I personally hold my partner accountable to their standards, and I expect them to hold me accountable to mine. So the question here is what can you do for him? Is he worth it? Desperation only comes to someone when all else fails. In order to avoid being desperate you simply just need to succeed. In order to do that all you have to do is be the best version of you.

[ZackBan]

It's simply just accept the reality that eveeyone wants love even the biggest playboy fuckboy on the block is hoping for the day he finds true love.
But at the same time you shouldn't try to force love, it's a chemical reaction that is triggered by your brain when certain conditions are met and one of the conditions is that it must be spontaneous, unexpected... it needs to fee like it was meant to be.

The last time I was in love was about 6 years ago now. I was swimming in a pool and got out to see this girl standing there. My mind drew blank: I didn't know if I liked what I was seeing or didn't like it, a weird feeling of denial early on. Then I got to know her and the more I knew the more I liked. She was far from perfect even not stunningly beautiful but there was a charm that radiated from her and my brain feel lile it's melting.
We never went out though and ended up staying just friends, but that is a fine example of being in love.

If you want that you need to let it happen. You can't meet a guy on tinder and say "love me or I leave" the two of you gotta feel that thing build up on it's own

[SnowyOwl]

Knowing what you want does not mean you are desperate.
Knowing what you deserve does not mean you are desperate.

Believing you are desperate comes from a mental state of fear.. Fear of judgment by others, judging who you are or who you are not. Maybe you are judging yourself too if you are in that mental state, maybe you are judging yourself for not being the person you ideally want to be.

Life is a journey, and becoming our perfected selves does not happen over night. That does not mean you do not deserve love, or a romantic relationship and partnership where both people are mutually supported by each other.

You will not act anxiously or desperate when you start believing in what you deserve.
And you deserve love, no matter what stage of your life you are at. No matter if you might have been challenged by life and feel a little broken. You deserve love.

So start telling yourself what you deserve, and let the positive thoughts replace the negative thoughts that have no place inside your mind and body. Learn to let go of those things that don't serve yourself. And allow the good into your life when it presents itself (:

I think its important to define what you want in your life, so that you know what you are gonna let into your life, and you will see that you'll naturally gravitate towards the goodness you believe you deserve. I would tell you to take a pen and paper and write down what it is you want, especially for this area of life ("the Romantic Relationship") which is the one that is of concern in your question.

When we are in a bad place, we need a plan to get out of it. And some people are lucky to have guidance from friends or family... but sometimes we don't, and that's when you have to save yourself.

Let go of the negative, it doesn't belong in you, it doesn't define you.

[Majesty101]

If a woman wants love, without being desperate, she must learn to love herself first. When a woman has not taken the time to unconditionally love herself first, that "desperacy" can lead to codependency, which causes most of her issues involving being hooked on a guy's replies, worrying about what he's thinking/doing, overthinking interaction, etc. When you show yourself the same love you want someone else to show you, you attract that same love, from working on the inside out: law of attraction. If you do it "right" (love in a way that resonates with you), you'll have more than enough self love to attain patience for what you want.

Second, know your self worth and what you really want. It's natural for women to want a deep connection with someone, but you'll have to make sure that you're aware of your worth and your needs, to not only form a relationship, but to also have a fulfilling one. Do you want long-term commitment with someone? Would you get married tomorrow if you could? Or do you want a deep connection with someone who understands you and will love you unconditionally? Are you looking for reciprocity, or somewhat of an uneven scale? Ask yourself these questions, and find out what you truly want.

Third, whatever you do, NEVER settle for less, just because you want love. You never know what is waiting for you, all you need is a sliver of patience. For example, you wouldn't want to take a cake out of the oven too early right? no, you would wait for it too fully bake to enjoy that delicious cake, wouldn't you? It's kind of the same thing here... the longer the wait, the greater the prize.

So, love yourself, know your worth, know exactly what you want, and have patience; for heat you want may be different than what you need.

[Apope16]

Be real. Be completely honest even if its vulnerable. Be loyal as fuck. Take care of your physical health by working out. Take care of yourself emotionally and financially.

Do what feels right. If you want sex on the first date? Then have sex. If you want to wait? Then wait. Dont box yourself into values outside whats normal to you. And dont rush the relationship. Grow slowly together.

[OlderAndWiser]

Because some women want "love," not just sex. Love doesn't happen on demand.

[guesswhoseback]

This is even worse for guys who feel the same way lol. My advice is to first focus on something you love TO DO. Sport, hobby, education, etc. If you are passionate about something you will likely come across more legitimate guys.

Then when you have your insecure moments make sure to share them privately with someone you 100% trust. Never post about them on social media or be too quick to trust a stranger.

Anyway you will likely come across manipulative guys who just want to get in your pants by telling you what you want to hear. You should actually respect guys who are honest about just wanting to get laid. Many women take that as creepy/disrespectful but at least you know where he stands. At least they are not leading you on.

If you meet a guy you like tell him you want to wait a bit to get to know him. But also make it clear you are open to sex once you feel a relationship is established.

Also never ever friendzone a guy who has been patient with you. That doesn’t mean you have to drop it just because he was nice to you. But once you lose the spark be honest with him and do NOT ask him to be friends at that point. Just tell him where you stand. Leave it up to him or to stay or leave.

[NyceGuyFinishingLast]

Know what you want and don't settle if there are red flags popping up. Most people will look for something and when they find out they ignore the red flags to keep what they found. I mean that is like looking for car of a specific model and color, finding it but then you find out it has transmission issues but you buy it anyway because it is the model and color you were searching for. You want love then get the kind of love you are looking for but don't settle. Compromising is not the same as settling. Settling for a guy that is great in the sack but then he comes home and takes his bad days out on you.

[GingerGuy]

Because it's a normal human need. Why would it be "desperate"? This is something you women feel, but isn't reality. I don't know if society, or other women (mothers, grandmothers etc) teach you this, but it's ridiculous.

For me, a woman would never look "desperate". The only way this could even come close would be if I've already rejected her and she won't take no for an answer, and even then I don't think "desperate". Everyone wants/needs love. Guys can show it, but women can't? It's absurd.

[locutus9999]

First stop looking for it, relax yourself. Keep interactions with good man (or women if you like that). It will take a bit longer but it will be rewarded. Keep a good moral code, understand you may fall for some idiots, it's part of life. But do not hate man for what the worst in between us can made.
If you keep a high moral, and you behave in a feminine way, but also sure about yourself. You will not take much time to find someone. Little tip, check your posture. walk with an open chest (not talking about clothes but posture), spine straight, shoulders relaxed but back, chin up. Like with confidence. You may not be alone for much time. but be sure to surround yourself with good people. The last advise is actually the most critical if you don't wanna waste time with idiots.
Be nice, allow yourself to be tender, care for the person you date, make an effort for that person.
I am sure you will be ok.
Good luck!

[araeyahlove]

first off realize that you a bad bitch. second dress a certain way don't dress like you are looking for attention dress like you know people are looking. also being too flirty is a turn off. and when a dude finally shows you some attention don't jump at it. hold back be mysterious make him wonder why no one has taken you yet that makes him want to get to know you. if he seems not to want to don't chase him. move on to the next one.

[Lilverawang]

Flirt low key, but make it sexy. That's what i do. Makes them hard every time. rather they say so or not. For example make a dirty convo about mac and cheese. ("hey I don't know, i was wondering if you could make me some mac and cheese... extra creamy tho" or "oh, can i try a bite of your mac and cheese? you made it so well!") but try to maintain innocents. Works even better if they guy is dirty mined of course. lol

[Floppy2112]

She can feel desperate, but she doesn't have to act like it. That's the difference. You cannot control how you feel, but you can control what you do. Acting desperate is an insurance policy against a relationship. We all want love and want to be loved.

[btbc92]

It really all depends on the intent and why she's desperate. If she's been abused, abandoned, and neglected in the past, she can still love a person, but it would be out of not reopening those wounds again. And she needs healing. Anybody who loves a person would beg for somebody to stay. it's not desperation. Desperation is when you just want to get what you want because it's immediate.

[casserolie]

just let it happen and go with the flow. desperate just seems to be rushing into a relationship and forcing the idea of marriage and children onto them too early

[ArrowheadSW]

Well people want to feel connected to another person. Sometimes when that just isn't happening in someone's life they might be a bit more eager than at other times. I personally don't like to use the word "desperate" as usually when you hear it, it is used as a negative thing.

[Unit1]

There is no way to do that. People will falsely label you and me as desperate for just wanting love. Wanting love is normal.

In another example I used to have a "friend", who told me I am spamming him just for saying "Hi" and asking if he wants to play something. Well, he ghosted me.

[S5ARR0W]

By not being a doormat. Pursue someone whom you like. But don't ever think you can't live without that person. If you do, that's where you start to behave clingy and desperate. I used to think I should do anything for the person that I felt I couldn't live without. She left me like nothing. She could hurt me because I cared of her and loved her more than my own life. I live without her, I thought I would die without her. Now I don't care of love much, because nothing is going to last.

[Skankhunt]

It's about your attitude. Don't settle for the first guy who approaches you, don't beg to men that you you want to go out on a date with them. Be yourself and be patient. Don't act like these women in the photos

[378jis378]

She just have to Express her emotions to a gentleman she finds attracted to then she must be willing to find time and make time to be available and not play around with the guy. But if you do find someone you should know for sure that his on the same page because you as a lady/ woman don't want to get hurt or worse in the process so if I may add just do your research meaning find out if his intentions are real by talking with him and trusting step by step not fully...

[Little_Bumblebee]

You can want love and still not go for anyone and anything.
Knowing what you want isn't desperate.

If I want a job, am I desperate? No.
I would be if I searched for any job, no matter what, crawling on my knees.

[ohshee]

So let's say you want ice cream. Do you get desperate because you want sugar if you can't get ice cream you might have cookies.

IF a women wants love and can't get it she might have sex and she's good for awhile

[Synikal]

Simple, you want love. You know what you want out of love. You have expectations right? Do you have actual love of self? No one wants someone who holds no value of self except those who like to use others. Separate those unrealistic expectations from the real ones. Figure out what you want out of love. Start showing yourself the exact kind of love you want someone to have for you. Attract the type of love you want.

[ItsTheNephilim]

Acting desperately on loneliness isn't love. That's just finding a way to do away with loneliness. Love happens when you click with someone and have them in your life without banging your head too much and being in your right, sane mindset.

[r_r_g]

The 'wise' out there will tell you all the wrong things.
I find desperation, especially in 2021, a) the first indicator of sanity (and truthfulness), b) nothing to be ashamed of.
So what if you tremble in front of someone? Anyone half decent will find it endearing and/or help at least calm you down.
You risk not coming across as a mean bitch- being one is about the only thing that would stop you from finding someone.

[complicated_hope]

First she needs to learn that love is not a need, it’s a want. We need oxygen, we want love.

But it isn’t easy to just say that.

So do a little 2 week experiment

Over the next 2 weeks, do about 40 activities and predict the before (expected pleasure 0-100%) and once you do each activity write down actual pleasure (0-100%)

Activity: going for a 15 min walk
With : Self (or name of person you go with)
Before: 0%
After (coming back from work fill it out): 50%

Etc

As you compare your “self” activities with friends or fam etc activities your brain starts to notice that most likely you enjoy your self time more.

Once you gain that confidence and pleasure, you won’t feel so desperate when you do approach others.

[Adam1978]

It's not the wanting that makes you desperate, it's the action you do to reach that goal. If you bull rush all guys and don't take their emotions in consideration your desperate.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Just find a clingy/desperate guy like you. I did it and i am very happy now. I can understand you. Dont ever date a guy who does not like clingy girls. Just find a guy who accept you the way you are or is like you

[Blistersonmybrain]

Write what you want to see in someone that you'd be willing to give love and let your pining desperation for a SPECIFIC man be directly proportional to how sure you are that he fills certain criteria you have on that list.

[_Just_A_girl_]

He he doesn't want to invest time block delete him.

If he rarely message calls visits block delete.

Doesn't want to spend some money block delete.

[winterfox10]

Just don't do things that are obvious plays for attention. Don't constantly post self-empowerment shit on social media; know your worth. Stop telling me about it and start showing me instead. I can't tell you how many women I know who are just fantastic that destroy their worth with constant neediness. It's heartbreaking. Like girl, you're a dime and any man would be lucky to have you, stop trying to attention from people who won't give it you you.

[WesBrewer]

Act like she isn't? just tell a guy who you think looks good that you might love him, that wouldn't sound desperate.

[JackSmy]

WTF? How does wanting love, make a person, "Desperate"?
That is a Non-Sequitur argument! Being A, does not mean B!!

[I-C3_ME]

Wanting love isn't desperate, removing healthy standards makes you desperate

[Shamalien]

it's okay to be desperate for love

just don't be desperate for sex XD keep that shit under control and you won't make a fool of yourself

[Guffrus]

Partners are like credit cards; you can only have one if you dont need one.

[Madhatter920]

Go slow, maintain your composure, and take things a day at a time. Grace and dignity.

[I_Am_Sazerac]

Easy, and the same applies for men:

Dont "need" the partner but want them. By showing you can take care of yourself without them, desperation won't show.

[gemgem]

I feel like looking "desperate " is such an unrealistic concern. Most men are flattered by a woman giving them attention. The "crazy, desparate single woman" is just a trope of hack shitcom writers.

[art84]

Don't be too clingy with a guy like being all over him when you're alone. Like sleeping with a guy on the first date after you barely know each other and just met.

[sensible27]

When your start sacrificing what fundamentally defines you it starts to mean desperate

[Andres77]

If she loves herself enough not to settle for anyone less than she deserves...

[SlightlyEccentric]

Nothing wrong with being desperate. Just don't make it awkward.

[genericname85]

simple: keep in your mind that it is 100% ok to want love and do what you need to get it. then you don't feel what you do is desperate but normal.

[spartan55]

Girls think nearly anything they do concerning a guy will be perceived as "desperate". Not even close.
Then when they truly ARE desperate the blinders go on.

[jl25sc]

Just be upfront about your feelings and tell them how you feel in a matured manner. Lay down the facts and don't get emotional when delivering it. Same goes for guys too

[Tahseenj35]

Know you’re worth, value yourself and work on yourself to be the best version you can be. The best person for you will come along and you have to hold off for him. You will know because you won’t have to keep questioning things.

[Anonymous]

Don’t be clingy don’t get upset if he or she isn’t texting you 24/7 or calling you everyday don’t get upset over the fact they have female friends

[Shy_Steve]

Try to focus on one Guy you like then try to get to know him better and try to flirt when there is no-one else watching you.

[monkeynutts]

Funny, desiring love does not make you desperate. It makes you human, tell that to all the fuckbots out there.

[Nazgol]

Just be yourself and live your life, let others see how great you are. If it's something physical you're seeking, look into friends with benefits or one night stands

[Jamie05rhs]

The key is to not have sex with someone just to win their approval.

[bklynbadboy1]

Just be yourself dont over think it and just let it happen on its own don't force it just let things take a more natural progression

[Wowboi]

If somehow wanting love is percieved as desperate or lowers your egotistical standards then you're not worthy of it.

[zagor]

This question makes no sense. Being desperate will make it harder to find a decent man.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Staying calm. Let love find you. Its all about timing.

[Ballzdeep]

A feeling is not desperate, it’s an emotional response for looking and expressing what’s inside you.

[thimmslicc]

She can't be clingy.
Be curious but never too clingy

[Alyssa11]

Nothing wrong with wanting love! I’d say when she’s not settling for just anyone to fill up the void.

[Anonymous]

By being patient and not getting ahead of herself. And never let a guy into your pants until you really get to know him.

[McKellar]

Yet women imply all the time that they hate desperate men.

[iseekpinetrees]

Dont bring up marriage life n children on the first date.

[Dinosaursandanime65]

Very important. I just made a myTake about something very similar to this. Go check it out.

[CubsterShura]

Talk to a trustworthy person or get therapy to solve any issues that is causing you to feel desperate.