Am I overreacting?? Need some advice?

We didn't date for long (maybe 2 months) but have been friends for a couple of years. I was developing feelings for her when out of the blue she was becoming distant. When I finally talked to her she said she had too much work/not enough time to date...basically she blew me off. Within weeks I find out she is dating a mutual friend (something she only admitted when I questioned her). All of this has really damaged our friendship and I wonder whether I am overreacting as it was only for a short time we dated? But I feel that having been friends (and not just 2 people who had just met) she could've been honest with me about:

a) her feelings for another guy (I knew about him liking her beforehand but she reassured me she wasn't interested)?

b) why she had to blow me off with the busy/work excuse when their was obviously another reason?

Things are just pretty awkward between us and we share a lot of mutual friends. Part of me thinks swallow my pride and just move past this but the other thinks why try to be friends when she clearly doesn't have that much respect for me. Sorry if this sounds like a rant, I needed to get it off my chest. If I had my way I probably leave them to it and wouldn't bother maintaining any form of contact but the fact that we have the same group of friends makes it a little impractical to do that and also makes me come across as immature.

I haven't really had to see her much since we split (2 months ago) as we are different colleges. However we are all home for the holidays soon. Its a small town so it's inevitable we will run into each other at friends parties etc which is why I'm freaking out a bit!


Most Helpful Girl

  • there is a chance she didn't tell you because she though it would hurt you to know that she was looking into dating someone you knew. she could most likly tell that you were developing feelings for her. The distance feeling was maybe her pulling away when she felt things were about to move to something else she wasn't up for. this is just my point of veiw many women make their life harded because their not just up front with what is going on. It isn't untill much later you learn to just tell the truth and deal with what comes from that.

    • who knows? She was actually the first to want to date exclusively and assured me the (same) guy she is dating now was just a friend (I already knew he had a thing for her through her friends). I don't really need to figure out the truth tbh. Just working out whether I want to be cordial or friendly

    • try to be friendly this doesn't mean you to be bff's but it will only make your life harder if your the one holding a grudge. becausae that takes effort and it doesn't sound like they are worth that.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • She just went easy on you, maybe that's better.

    Listen... I know it may sound weird, but were you really a couple or just dating, going on dates, but not really exclusive? I know it may seem cruel, but it is also explanatory- she may have felt she had less of a duty of sincerity if you weren't really in a relationship...

    • I don't know she wanted to be exclusive with me (in her words) so I agreed. But the relationship is in the past. Just trying to figure out whether I should be quite so harsh on her (especially if it's going to cause more drama). Just working out what's easiest for me tbh

    • I think I'd cool it down, just be nice to her, that's the mature thing to do. I think you can't trust her and treat her like you once did, so just put on a good face and act moderatly friendly.

  • It doesn't sound like an overreaction at all. It's completely justified. She lied to you about why she became distant. She also could of told the truth from the beginning and through that it could of helped save the friendship. It sounds like the majority is her fault. =/

    • thanks!

      I'm not even that mad about it anymore, I just want to forget all the drama! It's just knowing that we will have to see each other over the next few months which is bothering me. I don't want to pretend that I'm happy too see/talk to her as I'm not interested in being friends but I hope this doesn't make a new drama in itself! It feels like a no win situation!

What Guys Said 2

  • You're not going to like this, but bear with me:

    She. Owes. You. Nothing.

    You dated a bit, then she decided, for whatever reason, that it wasn't working out. Her obligation was to tell you it wasn't working out, and to release you. That's it.

    She doesn't owe you her reasons. Hell, she doesn't owe herself any reasons. She doesn't want to do it anymore--this is reason complete. In fact, that whole "not enough time" thing was a favor to you, to help you save face. She could have simply went "Sorry, were done. Bye." She would have been well within rights, and it might have worked out better for all.

    You got more than you deserved. In all such cases, the best show is gratitude.

    • hmmm I see your point. I agree she owes me nothing. Then you must also agree that I owe her nothing either. In that I don't owe her a reason if I don't want to be friends? So it's perfectly acceptable to be a stranger when I bump into her? I get what your saying but I don't see why I should show gratitude?

  • She probably knew that you still had some burgeoning feelings for her, and felt it would be uncomfortable to tell you she was seeing someone else.

    Maybe the new guy in her life doesn't like her being friends with an ex, and that's why she was becoming more distant.

    Either way, you clearly can't be friends with her. So cut her off. She's only going to be a source of pain, if you don't.

    • yeah I guess so but we were still technically dating when she was getting distant so either way it's pretty disrespectful?

      Weirdly she started texting more after we finished (I guess trying to salvage the friendship) but I pretty much ignored her efforts until she got the message

      I don't want to be friends with her, just not sure how to react when we see each other as it will be fairly regularly in the next few months. This is what bothers me more than the relationship!

    • If you see her, it should be as though she is a stranger.

    • If you want to drop off the face of the earth, your perogative. If you don't want to pal around with a girl you once dated--with her new boyfriend--that's wisdom.

      Realize, though, that she could have been a *much* bigger jerk about this. She tried to spare your feelings. She failed, but she tried. That's worth something.