Does having a friends with benefits, with your spouses permission, still feel like cheating to you?

Question

If you meet someone and engage in sexual activities whether it be in person, text, phone, etc. and get your partners ok for it does it still feel like cheating to anyone else?

Personally, I still feel guilt for it.

Yes, it's still doing things with someone else

No, it's fine if you have the ok

Other

Select age and gender to cast your vote:

GirlGuy

Answer 1

Aethereal | 434 opinions shared on Dating topic.

Explorer

Yes, it's cheating to me. I don't believe that anyone who truly loves their partner would wholeheartedly give their blessing to them seeing other people. To me it looks like one or both of them don't take the relationship seriously. But also:

- It encourages jealousy, insecurity and low self esteem. "Am I not good enough?" questions.

- The partner who blessed the open relationship did so because they want to/are seeing someone else too (whom they might like more).

- One or both of them do not see the other as their top priority.

- The blessing was given by a person who is afraid to lose their partner, and feels that allowing this is the only way to at least keep some of their partner. That's so sad, and it's very cruel to make someone feel that way. They can't even do the "pick me" dance.

- One or both partners are selfish. They can't commit to one person, feeling the need to make up for their partner's shortcomings with someone else. It communicates a lack of appreciation in my opinion, as well as a sense of replaceability. It also means that the cheater (or both partners) don't attempt to become better people for each other.

- To be honest, I think it allows for a more painless exit. If you have a big fight or break up, there is a less pressing need to fight for the relationship because the back-up is already on hand (if not already the priority).

All in all, this is very disrespectful to one's partner in my opinion (even if we decide not to call it cheating). I think in many cases, the partner who okayed the open relationship would (honestly) prefer to have you to themselves (unless they are also cheating).

I know the idea of open relationships has been getting more popular. But I personally would never be okay with it. I would rather break up.

React

1 Person

Ez-Bri-Z

1 y
First off, thank you very much for this well thought out and detailed message!

So a few things to touch on here. Her and I have not gone anywhere much in public since the pandemic started and we both work at the same place so there isn't much room for cheating from her end.

She certainly does not lack from self esteem, however I do.

We take it very seriously and have been together for nearly 19 years.

Technically we don't see each other as the top priority, our kids being happy and healthy is.

She has no fear whatsoever of losing me. I am completely open to her and basically anyone else who asks. I told her about this guy asking me to do things. I wanted nothing to do with it other than admitting I thought his voice was incredible. She told me I should go for it and see how I feel about it. I turned it down for about a week while I thought about it. After the week ended we talked again and she said it doesn't bother her and she just thinks of it as watching p*rn.

She is not replaceable to me. She is my other half. Im nothing without her. That doesn't mean thoughts and fantasies can't exist outside of her.

There is no back up at hand. He is in another state, I have no idea what he looks like and don't care to. He is just the voice on the other side of the headset.
Aethereal

1 y
Hi! Sorry for the late response. I'm really impressed that you two have been together that long. I hope my own relationship gets that far and beyond.

I read your points and I think I understand. I think the simplest thing to do (if you still care for an opinion) is to ask yourself how you would react/feel if the positions were reversed i. e. your partner seemed mildly interested in some stranger. I am personally quite protective/possessive. You might not be. Thus I feel the best solution is doing what seems right to you, and for your partner (if you put yourself in their shoes). You have a lot more experience than me being in a loving long-term relationship, so I don't think my advice would be as good as the honest one you can give yourself.

All the best, Senpai! :D
Ez-Bri-Z

1 y
First off, thank you so much for both the compliment and your response 😊

Before this all began I would have been 100% against it even for myself to do. It just didn't make sense to me. I was very much in the camp of marriage is between 2 people. When she suggested that I try to go explore my sexuality a bit it threw me for a loop. I actually was initially hurt by it thinking she was trying to push me away but the more we talked the more I realized that she was telling me it was ok because she loves me and wants me to grow as a person.

So when you ask if I would be ok if she did it, my honest answer is that I trust her on this. I may not be as comfortable with it as she is, but if we can't encourage our partners growth then we can't enjoy the full potential they can offer.

It's not right for everyone. I fully get that. It could end up being a mistake or it could open up something in me I didn't know was there and help me be more assertive in my life. Either way, I am glad she is with me on this journey of self discovery. I couldn't ask for a better partner.

All the best to you and yours!

Does having a friends with benefits, with your spouses permission, still feel like cheating to you?

Most Helpful Guys

Most Helpful Girls

Related Questions

What Girls & Guys Said

Related myTakes