What are we doing ?

Met a wonderful guy on myspace....the first day we messaged for 12 hrs. Then pretty much constantly for the next 4 days...wonderful flow & we got to know so much about each other. We met for the first time last Friday (12/7) and he spent the night....AMAZING btw....and has been spending the night every other night since then and we talk to each other for hours on the days he is not with me.

My 2 friends keep asking me if we are dating ....what are his intentions. I personally think it is too soon to know ....or am I an idiot ??

I like him a LOT and would very much like to be officially dating him.....am I and I don't know it ??

Whatever it is we are doing I certainly don't want to blow it!


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What Guys Said 1

  • You'll have to ask the officials if you are officially dating. Only they can make that kind of call. Before you bring in the notary though, ask yourself what it means to be "officially dating". As you imply, you're really asking either "What are his intentions?" or "Is this wrong?". "Officially Dating" isn't a term you'll ever hear a guy say. If it feels like you're dating, then you're dating. Your friends are either just trying to protect you from a likely heart-ache down the road (by warning you of getting physically involved too soon), or they're trying to shame you into following their moral convictions. Most women chose to ensure that there is a mutual emotional bond before allowing themselves to get too attached (this involves spending time together or "dating" before getting too physical). Women tend to apply this policy as a group (using social stigma, the threat of exclusion known as marginalization, or shame to enforce it), as otherwise some girls might break the trend to gain an advantage over the rest of the group.

    Before your friends make judgment though, remind them that socializing using the Internet brings totally new social dynamics into the equation. Due to the unique balance of anonymity and intimacy the "online chat" provides, men might feel more free to "open up" a bit quicker. As a result, you might get to know him a bit sooner than even the "traditional" approaches would yield. If you count the number of social exchanges (messages) in your chat log and evaluate the level so self disclosure, you'll probably find that you know more about this guy than the typical "three dates" would yield (presuming he's being honest).

    That being said, there is wisdom to be found in some of the social traditions. Everybody will tell you that the initial intensity will eventually fade. If you "emotionally invest" in this guy, I'm sure you're hoping that you will still be a compatible couple when you two become satiated with the physicality and the newness of the relationship wears out. Emotional heart-ache can be devastating and can last long enough to greatly impact one's life, and cause one to do a lot of stupid things. That is one reason many choose to "protect" themselves from the risk by dating for some time before they become physical (which will bond you closer to him emotionally which puts you at risk for heart-ache).

    So back to the question at hand, "Are you two dating?". My answer is yes. That is the "right" answer to tell your girlfriends. But the truth is, that concern hasn't even entered the mind of the guy you're with. Right now he, like you, is just caught up in the moment. The difference is, he doesn't have to justify it to his friends.


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