(My own tangent, lol). This is difficult to quantify because you're dealing with an entire population of women with different experiences, cultural things they find attractive, society pressures, family and friend pressures to date a certain guy over another and the list goes on. But for me, one of my longest relationships I've had was with a guy who had a very visible deformity of the arm. It happened in the womb where his bones didn't fuse correctly, so one of his arms was permanently twisted at a visible angle with the fingers on that hand unable to move much. He would ask me sometimes, why I was going out with him when I could date anyone out there, and it was like, you came up to me, you were super nice, you made me laugh, and did I notice the arm, yes, I have eyes, but he never made this big deal about it even though I could tell he was trying his best to cover it up (understandable because of the bullying he'd experienced when he was younger and his admitted insecurities about it), but he was attractive to me. I'd be lying if I said, that put another woman in my place, and she might have seen his arm, be weirded out, and not give him the time of day. I mean, you really cannot help what it is you find attractive or what doesn't bother you, that bothers everyone else about someone you might want to date. It's devastating for some guys (and some women too) because they are trying their best or they come to a point where they feel they have to try 10x harder to get even one person to notice them, let alone flirt with them without provocation. Guys are taught to get the girl, but what does one do if one feels or is at a disadvantage before they even say a word? How can they get the perfect 10 if all they date is other perfect 10s? The answer may be that it's impossible, and some guys do settle for whatever they can get rather than get someone the genuinely want to be with because of this.
Oh nice. Thanks for going into depth, and thanks for the story!The nice thing about the "perfect 10" thing is that by the time you get that high up, it becomes enormously subjective and varies wildly. It's easy to throw a model on a billboard who is at least a 6-7 for everyone, which is where many of the media standards of beauty come from. Sort of a least-common-denominator of what everyone finds at least somewhat attractive. Rather than shooting for a straight 10 and turning off a good chunk of their audience. I'd wager that for most people, it isn't about being the hottest one in the room. It's about being attractive enough, and then after that it moves on to other things."I mean, you really cannot help what it is you find attractive or what doesn't bother you." Right. I mean you can influence it to a degree, which I encourage people to do. But like I wish people could understand this about things like obesity. At no point in our history have people been obese in the majority, but now obesity is relatively normal, so we aren't equipped for the majority of us to find it attractive. Some do, and some always have. But we've been skinny most of our time on earth, so of course it's going to be what appeals to most people. Body positivity shouldn't be about what's hot or not. Most guys aren't anywhere near the media's standard of "hot" yet we don't have nearly the eating disorders women do. It should be about stopping the bullying and stopping looks from spilling over to areas where it should be irrelevant, like pay.
Loving this conversation. There is also something I am the first to admit as a woman in terms of attracting others, and it's women's wizardry. I consider myself a 6 or 7 on a no make-up, no hair done, day, but I know that when I do hair and make-up others have considered me at least a 9. Men don't have this option. The most a guy can do to enhance his looks is wear contacts, cut/grow hair, workout, or in the extreme, plastic surgery. Women!?! Hair, nails, contacts, workout, corsets, padded bras, padded underwear, make-up, plastic surgery, and the endless list goes on. We're relying on artificial attraction and it's attracting guys because it works. Its the idea of the glow up where it's not just growing into ourselves physically, but when you see those after images, women in particular, always have hair done, make-up, and/or they've lost a bunch of weight and people go "wow."But to your point as well, there are some things like fit healthy people, that have been attractive and literally admired for centuries that are practically hard wired into our brain as our standard of beauty. There are also real risks to dating someone who is obese, aka, they may literally die at a young age because of their health conditions, and that is literally not attractive. I do wish we could get to a point where we are encouraging health for people without it being about shaming them because that's important for all of us. Our body positivity should be wrapped up in congratulating people getting off type 2 diabetes and bp meds, and being able to easily go up 3 flights of stairs without passing out.
Scroll Down to Read Other Opinions
Would you believe it then if a super attractive woman was attracted to you or would you be skeptical?
Well, I'm neither bald nor short, and I don't consider myself unsuccessful so I wouldn't be skeptical.I'm speaking about men's dating conditions generally.If I was in that situation then I would be somewhat skeptical, but then again, if an attractive woman was interested in me, it's not like I'm going to reject her.I'd just assume that she is attracted to unconventional traits.
What is your thought when you see those couples that conventionally shouldn't work on a physical level--the ones that defy the stereotypes?
Obviously it's confusing. But I think someone dared to look below the surface with someone. Then again I don't know how long they've been together. It could be 20 years or 2 weeks. Who knows for certain. I really don't think much of anything to tell the truth.