Any advice on telling a significant other your mother is a hoarder?

So my mother is a hoarder. I have lived in an overly cluttered house for years. It has kept me from inviting friends over because I was never allowed. I was ashamed and embarrassed of the way my house looked. I was also too embarrassed to tell my friends why they couldn't come over...especially after seeing their neat and tidy houses. This became a huge problem when I started dating. A guy gets sick of taking a girl out all the time, and would rather hang out at her house. I however, can not have them over to my house. It always ends with a few dates and that's it. I think it is part of the reason I have never had a boyfriend. I am too embarrassed to tell them either, because I am afraid they won't like me or think that I am weird. I am dating this guy now, and that time is coming up. The time where he hints he wants to come over, and I just feel incredibly awkward. I don't want this time to be like all the others. Any advice on what I should do this time?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Since you are old enough to move out of your house. This might me a viable option for you to look at. Your mom need psychological help, and you can try to get it for her to help her with her condition.

    In the mean time if I was dating a girl that I liked and something was like this, I would appreciate her telling me what is going on and that you are trying to help your mom with her condition. At least you are not making excuses and that it would be not very good if he came over. That was he knows its not personal.

    • I am moving out on the 22nd of this month actually. Which is a relief. But still, if we get serious I will eventually have to tell anyone of my significant others about this problem, because naturally they are going to want to meet my mom and family. I just tense up, and don't know how to tell anyone. I just feel more embarrassed than anything really. It has been this big secret my entire life, bringing it out is scary. Thanks for the advice :) I'll keep it in mind when I attempt to tell him.

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What Guys Said 1

  • I have some members who have horded for over 40 years. You will have to tell close friends etc eventually, that is if you trust him enough. Some people do not care and other will find it (add your own adjective). You can try to hide it, but any guy who spends time with you will want to know more about you. First and foremost that is your mom and not you; so if you must let them know the difference and any guy who knows you can tell this right away.

    So you will have to have this "dirty little secret" until you find your own place, or convince your mom to clean up and throw out the stuff she hasn't touched in a year with you in mind.

    Tell me how it goes!

    • It is always relieving to hear that I am not the only one out there with relatives who suffer from this problem! You are absolutely right. For me, I just close people out for fear that I will have to tell them. I know it is silly, but its been this way for as long as I can remember. I have lost many friends that way. Thanks for the advice :) I let you know what happens after I tell him. I just got to muster up the courage!

What Girls Said 1

  • Ok, first off, If your afraid that a guy will leave you cause of your MOM's problem then he screw himself. You seem nice. And they should understand that. Honestly, my dear, I think that if the subject comes us, slowly tell him. I know its hard but if he is worth it he will understand why you don't want to bring him over. You honestly shouldn't be afraid. It's not your problem or your fault. I hope this helped :)

    • You are right. He should like me no matter what. However, I have struggled with how to tell people about it my whole life. I NEVER tell anyone. I think I told one friend once, because her mom was a hoarder as well, but I was still embarrassed with her as well. How do you think I should go about telling him? I don't want to just come right out and say "My mom is a hoarder." lol But I also don't want to keep dancing around the idea that he might come to my house one day.

    • If he's like lets go to your house...I would say something like this: "I have something to tell you ad its kind of hard" and then if he asks what say I really don't feel comfortable with people coming over to my house. I feel se embarressed to say it, and I never tell anyone but my mom is a hoarder. Or something to that effect. I know it will be hard, my dear, but you can do it. :)

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