Female colleague unexpected response when I mentioned that the tag on her collar was hanging out

Full disclosure: she and I have had the "I'm not interested in you, but I would not like for things to be weird between us". Given my circumstances (outlined below), I assume that this meant "I am not attracted to you and am not interested in a relationship with you, but would like for things to remain cordial between us".

I would categorise her response as 'polite hostility' -- she hasn't spoken to me in 2 days, doesn't say 'good morning' or make eye contact. I have, and I'm pretty sure she has progressive Western values.

Have I violated some more or taboo? Is this something that Is Not Done In Polite Society? Assuming that it is taboo, where does the line fall? Can I tell someone they've spilled yogurt on their trousers (rather, that I HOPE it's yogurt)? That they've got their pullover on inside-out? That they're at work in their pyjamas?

I'm an alexithymic borderline aspergers 30- year old virgin who has no friends, so please make your responses a little more in depth than "My GOD, what did you [i]think[/i] would happen, you insensitive ogre" (and if you absolutely must know: "She would say 'thank you' and tuck the tag in") would be very much appreciated.

Also, assuming that her response is (should have been...) expected, how do I fix it / make it right?

Addenda: "I have, and I'm pretty sure she has progressive western values." is terribly written and should be its own paragraph. I mean to say that "AFAIK, the only cultural aspects involved are be modern Western cultural values; there is no need to tell me that it's a faux pas to do this in Saudi Arabia".


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What Girls Said 1

  • That sounds a bit harsh of her! Can you simply say to her something like - 'I feel I've offended you in some way, it was not my intention because I respect you as a work colleague. I hope you feel free to let me know if anything's bothering you, because like anyone I prefer to have good working relationships'. If she doesn't respond positively to that, then you can only assume that she has the problem, not you. You sound a decent sort of guy, it's difficult I imagine if you have Aspergers, to know if you've judged peoples' responses correctly, so all you can do is check it out with them. I wish you the best of luck.


What Guys Said 1

  • I don't get it. There must be something wrong with her.