First time dating a single father and I'm confused...or is he?

I met a guy online, we talked (texted) pretty much every day for about 2 months before meeting and seemed to hit it off pretty well. He would text me just to let me know he was thinking of me, little hello's, how's your day, etc. Upon meeting him, it wasn't awkward at all. We have several common interests. I have since been physical with him & spent the night at his house. He greets & leaves me with a smile & kiss every time. He's a single father, whose child lives with him, works a minimum of 50 hrs a wk, goes to school & is in the transition of settling into a new place. It's extremely hard for us to spend time together due to the fact that he clearly doesn't want to bring random women around his child. I fully respect him, his child, & his decisions. I'm willing to wait & have patience, due to understanding that it can be difficult dating a single parent. However, since we met, the conversations have been less frequent. When I ask him to do something that involves any plans, I sometimes get no response. I don't get random msgs like I used to. I started to think he wasn't interested or was seeing someone else (which he has every right to since we're not together but I just want honesty). I am embarassed to admit I accused him of seeing someone else, when I found out I was wrong, I apologized and he still chose to talk to me. I was surprised I didn't scare him away. Conversations picked up again. Then, I went about a wk without hearing anything, so I assumed the worst and thought he wasn't interested and stopped contacting him. Since then, we have talked, he invited me to hang out at his place with him & some friends. His child was home this time, but he was sleeping. He apologized that I couldn't spend the night due to that reason but stated I could stay till his child woke up. I seemed to learn so much more about him and really hit it off with his friends. I told him I missed him and was afraid he wasn't interested anymore (I know probably a big mistake, but I'm honest), he wrapped his arms around me and gave me a huge smile & kiss. He said he's just been really busy with everything going on and that he was surprised he even had me over because he's never had women over with his child there. I took it as a compliment and told him he didn't have to explain himself, that I fully understood and respected him as a parent and his decisions. The last time I heard from him was 4 days ago, and I'm wondering if I am worrying over nothing? What confuses me is that if he felt nothing or just wanted sex, why would he talk to me for 2 months before even meeting? Why would he prefer me to spend the night, drive me home the next day and kiss me good bye? Why would he accept my accusations and still talk to me? Yes, I will admit, I care about him, I am not in love with him but could see myself getting there, therefore I am scared of getting hurt. Is it normal for the conversations to slow now that we met? Is he possibly scared too or just playing games?

As far as I know, he isn't dating anyone else. I was just curious as to what to do if he were to go on a date with another woman. We never made it official, kinda just going with the flow & seeing where it goes. So technically were both free but I just refuse to sleep with more then 1 person & I would hope the same in return. I just don't know if guys think the same & I don't want him to think I'm trying to force him in to a relationship too soon. Lol


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • In everything you have stated, what I don't see in your understanding, is why he doesn't have a woman in his life already.

    I mean, he has a child, so it stands to reason there was a woman in his life previously.

    Have you ever thought that there might be some trauma there, so that may impact what he's willing to do with women now, while he is potentially healing?

    And if that doesn't apply, you stated that he is:

    1) A single father

    2) Working 50 hours or more a week

    3) Goes to college

    4) Settling in a new place

    With all that going on, do you think there is a lot of free time?

    I have to say, I get the distinct impression that this guy is giving you all the free time and access he can afford to give, and he is a person who wants to go slow in any potential relationship, which is likely because the last one did not work out the way he wanted.

    So, in a direct response, calm down...and enjoy the ride. Don't bring your baggage into this relationship, as he clearly has enough of his own.

    And if you can't avoid being insecure, you should stop seeing him, and be direct about.

    • Thanks for taking the time to respond. He is divorced, due to the fact his wife was unfaithfull

      I am trying to work on my insecurities which stem back to my fiance and every man I've cared about. Including my own father leaving me. That's why I have this take a chance attitude. I just get so scared once I Start to care. Now, if we're sleeping together, and he goes on a date with another woman, how do I handle that?

    • If you agree to sleeping him while he's dating another person, you would only have yourself to blame. But if the agreement is that you are faithful to each other, that's another story.

      The key to any relationship is to communicate, but more important is to do it early so there is no reason not to trust.

What Girls Said 1

  • I think he's really busy, because like you said he works a lot, is a single dad and goes to school. I don't even know where he finds the time. So don't get worried if he doesn't contact you for a couple of days.

    And he's probably serious about you since he brought you home and introduced you to his kid. He looks like a very responsible father, so I don't think he's lying when he says that he doesn't bring home random women.

    • Thanks for responding, elisu. Yes, he is very busy and I have to remind myself of that constantly. I am just not used to this dating game , I have always been in relationships and was engaged prior to this, and don't know how to handle it. He didn't introduce me to his child, he had me over after their bed time. He is an amazing father which makes me like him even more. I'de love to be able to meet him someday but how is that going to happen if we don't spend time together

    • I get your point, indeed it is difficult to build a relationship or make it stronger when you don't see each other. Still I would say, try to be patient and he'll appreciate that.

    • Thank you, that is what I am going to continue to do and just hope for the best outcome.