Why have I not had a date at 22 years old?

I'm a 22 year old girl and I've never had a date or been in a relationship. I'm in grad school and I have intentions of going to medical school afterwards. I know this sounds a bit ridiculous to some, but I have high hopes for the world, and I could even see myself pursing a combined MD/PhD. Is this a turn-off to guys? I worry sometimes that I just may never be loved by anyone or been seen as attractive to anyone. When I obsess about matters such as these, I often tell myself that may be the case and I'm just going to have to live with it.

What are your opinions? I'm a very friendly person and I love to talk to people, but it seems as though no one is interested (worst part is, I don't even have the time, and it's not because I'm not making the time). I take care of myself as best as I can. and I guess I'm still not attractive.


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, there is absolutely no problem with a girl knowing what she wants in life. And it's quite attractive, really.

    I know the other end of this. I met a girl my freshman year of college that was the sweetest, nicest, hard working girl I have ever met. The first time I saw her she was actually folding my underwear. but that's another story! :-P

    You two have a lot in common- She too is a very determined woman. She too is driven to succeed professionally- except she wants to be a lawyer (and yes, I've used the whole "What do you say to a lawyer buried up to her neck in sand? "Not enough sand." routine). She never went out of her way to make time for any romance. Most of the time she doesn't think she's beautiful, or attractive either.

    But guess what? I fell in love with her. Sounds really stupid, huh?

    Fast forward 6 years. She told me just recently that she thinks she's gonna be forever alone, and that any guy would never "put up with a girl like her". She had given up on herself when it comes to relationships. She was defeated.

    Do you know how much that hurts? To fall for a girl that doesn't love herself? To somehow think that, despite how awesome or how hard she works at what she wants, that she will never be happy?

    I can tell you it sucks. I'd describe it as worse than getting kicked in the nuts (and that really, really hurts!)

    You know what I told her? I told her "You have one guy right in front of you right now that loves you no matter what. You ARE a beautiful girl, you're kind, sweet, driven, successful, sexy, and everything any guy that's worth you would want. And you're worth every effort to be with you."

    I'm not sure how well it was received, but I will tell you the same basic thing. Nobody deserves or is destined to be alone. I'm sure there are guys out there, even some that you may have overlooked before, that would give their left eye to even have a shot with you, because you are a beautiful, determined, and successful young woman. Yes, it takes effort, and yes, it takes time. I really don't believe it will affect your time and studies that much, either.

    But know this- the minute you deny yourself a shot at being happy is the minute that everything you've worked hard for doesn't mean a thing. We all have just a short time on this Earth; it's much too short and painful to squander it by not being happy.

    Best of luck to you, and if you need to know more, post back or private message. Sorry if it doesn't make a whole lot of sense, but it's getting late. Best of luck to you! :-P


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What Guys Said 11

  • listen.in probability you are attractive, I've rarely seen 'ugly' postgrad students.

    However in IMHO from your question, I sense a bit of desparation. Just as girls can see it, guys can see it from a mile away too. Suggest go out more, but do a hobby you like other than in accademia. Meet different people.

    You are likely a high intelligent so probably dumb guys wouldn't do it for you, maybe start hanging out where you'll find your kind of guys.

    If you finally get into a relationship, make sure you still keep up with the school work.

    However I just thot, get a sex buddy(s) (just talk about it in random that what I need is a sex buddy to friends, people will come runnign) and make sure you finish your education and began a relationship when you circumstances allow.

    To an intelligent man, its not a turn off. Its actually nice to have a stimulating conversation with your S.O than to have to turn to your friends, on opinions about the new bank crisis.

  • You sound just like me. I had my first real date when I was 22(just cause I said things it doesn't mean you should go out there looking for a date tenaciously, things just come) Anyways, I thought about girls who are ambitious, successful and so on, whether it's a turn on/off. And honestly speaking, it all comes down to the reason WHY they chose to be like that.

    If you choose to succeed because it's for you own good, to empower yourself so you can help others, then that's a good thing. People who choose to live life like this tend to be humble about their achievements. Even when they are pHD to the nTH degree, they'll still talk and walk like a commoner. They'll prefer others to call them by their first name instead of doctor so and so, or your royal hiness lol. They'll know that after all, they're only human. It's a major Turn on.

    But if you choose to succeed because you wan't to feel superior to others, to get wind up in competition and self comparision, to find a partner who is even of higher status/class, in my opinion, you've totally miss the point. You'll be living life for the wrong reasons. This kind of life style tend to make people snobish, aloof, arrogant, unapproachable, thus no good, no dates, no satisfying love life.

    So from the limited info about you, you sound to me like either a very selective person. Or a person who is on a different "wave length" as everyone else. K actually, let me know what do you think about people who choose to stop continuing school after they get, say, a bachelor degree? How about hs diploma?

    • I guess for me, it depends on why they have that level of education. If there is some factor of laziness involved and not want to pursue interests, than I wouldn't be too happy with that. However, I do understand that some people are not as privledged to continue their education even if they wanted to. Does that give you some insight into this? To be honest, I think most of my problem must stem from looks. I can't think of anything else.

  • Well I can say this quit saying your not attractive it doesn't help and its usually not true. (women are hard on themselves about that) You are going into the medical field which will take a lot of your time.

    It's a definite turn-on to see a woman that knows what she wants to do with her life (atleast for me) but your going to have problems dating with the time constraints just relax take a deep breath and get through school your still young and will have plenty of time when your busy schedule slows down. You never know who you will meet so never give up hope.

  • '' and I guess I'm still not attractive. '' Well, if you have to guess, then it probably means that you are not attractive. Your own insecurity alone can be enough to make you not attractive. By making your self comfortable with your own body your insercureness should vanish.Heres how you fix this.

    Step one ( I know you ladies love steps ): Start exercising, 1 hour of cardiovascular training a day should be enough to make you loose weight. If you are weak start by swimming/walking/biking and then move onto running.

    step dos: Clean your eating habits I.E stop eating trash that has too much sugar/fat in them.

    The 12 worst fat-storing foods you should never eat.

    x Ice cream ( sorry )

    x fried foods

    x Doughnuts and pastries

    x Candy, chocolate & sweets

    x Soda

    x Fruit ''drinks'' and other sugar-sweetened beverages

    x Potato chips

    x Bacon, sausage

    x White bread

    x Hot dogs, fast food burgers

    x cookies

    x sugar breakfast cereals

    Top 12 best foods you should eat all the time

    V Oatmeal for breakfast ( or other whole grain cooked cereals such as barley, wheat, rye, etc )

    V Yams ( or sweet potatoes )

    V Potatoes ( white or red )

    V Brown rice

    V Whole wheat bread and 100% whole grain products

    V Vegetables

    V Fresh fruits

    V Low fat & non fat dairy products ( yogurt, cheese, milk etc )

    V Chicken or turkey breast

    V Egg whites

    V Lean red meat

    V Fish and shellfish ( you can compensate by eading pills instead )

    step kolme: If you are serious about this, get a gym membership and hire a personal trainer for a few weeks to show you the moves, then proceed to making it your second home.

    step four: spend some time infront of the mirror and tell your self you are beautiful.

    step viisi: Get some friends, get into parties, try to meet your friends friends that could or could not be your next boyfriend etc etc

    Good luck.

    • Thanks for this response. I do excercise every week however. I love jogging! However, the problem I would say is my hair. I have african-american type of hair that is currently cut into a bob that reaches my jaw line. It's been professionally styled, and everyday I wake up I just tie it back into a bun because I don't like it. It will not grow longer and I can't do anything about it.

    • Show All
    • I also agree with what when-the-rain-fall said. The OP did not even imply she had weight problems. A girl can have some meat on her bones and still be attractive.

    • This is expensive, but it makes your life a lot easier... I go to a professional spa/salon, and let them do whatever they want with my hair, within reason. I call ahead of time and tell them what my hair type is, and that I want to see somebody who knows what to do with that hair type. They tell me what would look good, and I say okay. Then I buy whatever they tell me to, and it keeps my hair nice, shiny, etc. without me having to do a lot of work.

  • Don't have time for what? Dating? Love? ALWAYS TIME FOR ROMANCE my darling!

    Listen. You said you love to talk with people so you are probably social. Why not make the first move? Nothing bad or wrong in asking a guy out (for girls :D). You might even suprice and notice what guys have to deal with all the time. There might be your own Romeo right now, but is way too shy to ask you out.

    And the part that you don't have time. Trust me you don't want to go there. If you will keep yourself all the time busy and won't be having time when you would start dating. It would end badly for both of you and especially would be hard for the guy. I've been there and its quite heartbreakable.

    If you really feel like you want romance in your life and being loved. Make time, meet people, enjoy your life!

  • It's because you haven't exactly gotten yourself into a position where you have given the impression you would like to date someone your interested in.

    Believe me, you'll find someone. Everyone does.

    And you sound really smart. Believe it or not, there are a lot of guys who like smart women. Smart women can be fun and interesting too. A lot of my (girl) friends are very smart and have got through school with top grades wanting to go into doing bigger things with maths and just generally higher level stuff. And yet they want to have a good time at the same time which is what you should do. You don't have to lose it all to be with someone.

    That's the same with guys too and it applies to me quite a lot and I realized that over the past few months. I've found a nice girl and I've managed to put my time into both the girl and my work just right. :)

  • You're choosing an academic route that is really hard to do and keep a social life going. I think the further in you go the more likely you are to meet people like you.

  • I'm a 21 year old guy, almost 22, eventhough I have been on dates before, my first real date was at age 20, but I still have not had a girlfriend yet and I am still a virgin.

  • Keep yourself in shape, and cultivate a sense of humor. You are smart, so play that up. Some guys won't like it, but others will.

  • I don't think it's a turn off at all, it's really great when a woman has a good goal like this in life. You may be busy right now, but I'm sure you'll find someone good soon. You know there are a lot of great looking doctors out there. ;)

  • Yea I have the same problem. Have trouble getting dates and stuff. But yet I feel I'm doing all the things I'm supposed to. Myabe we could be friends. If you want. Ill send you my email address this week. And if you want you can email me. There's no preasure to. Just if you want to. Maybe as afriend I could help you find a boyfriend.


What Girls Said 1

  • most likely you're seriously busy, you may be hot and smart and the guy you want is probably in med school studying his ass off. there's nothing wrong with you, it's just probably your studies and you sound very ambitious. if you take care of yourself, you are attractive.