New to internet dating - help!!!

I recently signed up for an Internet dating website. The first day I received several flirts and emails. One guy really caught my attention with his profile/photos/flirt so I replied to him [truth be told I replied to several]. After I flirted back, he sent me an email. He was nice and straight forward. We exchanged two more emails then he asked if we could video chat over SKYPE. This made me nervous [because he is a stranger]. I asked him if we could communicate via email so that I could get comfortable with him and asked some friends for advice. My friends said not to talk with a guy that was in such a hurry.

I look exactly like the pictures I have posted on my profile so I am not hiding how I look - basically I am just an inexperienced 'internet dater'. I meet most men in person :D.

Since I am not "knowledgeable" about online dating, I have the following questions:

- Is it normal for a guy to want to video chat within days of meeting you online?

- How soon do most people talk via telephone or video chat?

- Should I be leary? Is he just trying to engage me into video chat sex or actually get to know me?


He provided me with his business website and youtube videos for his business.


Update, back when I posted this, I decided to SKYPE and THENNNN the guy started making excuses and we didn't SKYPE. The irony hahahaha


Most Helpful Guy

  • If guys could choose when to video chat with a woman they met online, most of them would choose to do it almost immediately. There is nothing truly "forward" about it, it's more or less confirmation that you actually uphold the pictures you've posted on your profile.

    I'd be lying if I said that guys don't look for "webcam sex". Those types of guys exist. But webcams and sex don't go part and parcel. You can have one without the other, and it's unfair to assume that this is what he's going for unless he proves otherwise.

    So, to answer your questions.

    1. Yes, it's absolutely normal.

    2. For most people, I'd say within a week.

    3. Don't be leary unless he gives you a reason to be. He seems like a sensible guy. Since you aren't meeting in person quite yet, give him the benefit of the doubt since no harm can be done.

    • MrScTi, That's a great response -it gives me a lot of comfort! Thanks!

    • Show All
    • Webcam sex?! What? What a sad, sorry and pathetic replacement for a real relationship with a real live woman! Tell you what... you go have all the webcam sex you want, I will take the real thing any day. I absolutely love sex, no question about it! But it is one dimension of a relationship that includes other dimensions such as love, affection, deep caring and commitment that I also consider very important. Webcam sex... how shallow and fake does it get?

    • There's an entire p*rnographic industry based on webcam sex.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • There's nothing wrong with you being careful and wanting to take your time. But there is also nothing wrong with him wanting to video chat after a few e-mails, either. Not my kind of thing- I have only done that once, and found it so weird! Jerky, bad quality video, voices out of sync, really awkward..

    Look at it this way. Anyone can be a charmer through e-mail. He may seem nice, but be a total fraud. And let's be fair since you are not the only one involved in this thing- he may also wonder whether you are everything you say you are as well. So video chat, it you are comfortable with it, could resolve both your questions quickly.

    Usually, after four or five flirty e-mails over a few days, I have a sense of whether a woman might be right for me. Her writing ability and spelling tell me things about her intellect, her words tell me things about her sense of humor and her attitudes. I pick up on these things pretty quickly. If I think there could be something there, I don't wait around much longer- I will ask her either if she would like to chat on the phone or would like to meet. Women want and expect us to take the lead. If we don't show assertiveness and confidence, we are toast! But I will always choose a popular public place at a somewhat early time, preferably a place she already knows, so she will feel safe and comfortable. It's just a light, get-to-know-you-a-little-more kind of thing with no pressure. But...

    If you do the email thing for too long, you can end up with an uncomfortable situation later. You can become very friendly and start to feel involved even before meeting! Then when you finally do meet, you may find out that perhaps he doesn't believe in taking baths (or maybe YOU are the one who doesn't :)), or there is some other serious deal-breaker that arises. At that point, you have a kind of break up situation on your hands that shouldn't have been necessary.

    Lastly...if you are an attractive woman, you may find you are overwhelmed with responses. Your issue is going to be to filter through these responses for the ones that really interest you and are appropriate. You probably will find that you simply don't have the time or the inclination to engage in long email exchanges with every guy who responds to you. If you truly are not comfortable with meeting a guy that soon, then the video thing might just work for you.

    This guy seems legit to me. Don't be afraid to talk on the phone, at least, within a few days.

    good luck..

    • Thanks Steve! I love your response. Thank you for the detail and depth :D!

What Girls Said 1

  • Id say if your not comfortable with skypeing and video chat don't do it. Stay with your comfort zone and tell him if he wants to "see" you would he care to go for coffee.