If you wanted to get married but your significant other never did, would you break up with them?

Assuming they were perfect for you otherwise and you had a great relationship, would you break up with them just because of this? Or would just being with them be more important?

I think this is kind of a tough one. I finally found my dream guy and we get along great. But he never wants to get married. And just like most other women, I've dreamed of the day I'd get married since I was a little girl. I've always had my heart set on it, but now that I've found a guy I could actually picture myself spending the rest of my life with, he doesn't want to get married.

I wouldn't break up with him over it (at least that's how I feel at this point). The point of getting married to me is to know that I will spend the rest of my life with that one special guy. So breaking up with that special guy because he doesn't want to get married would seem to defeat the purpose. But it will always feel very disappointing. Like our relationship is incomplete...

What would you do in this situation?

  • Yes, I would leave them.
    Vote A
  • No, I wouldn't leave them.
    Vote B
  • Results.
    Vote C
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
I'm happy to see so many people picking B. I thought I'd be the oddball here.
I'm not asking for advice either, I know how I feel about things. I'm just curious how other people would feel in the same situation.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Considering I don't care that much about marriage, no. But even if I did no. If I really love them, they really love me, and we're loyal to each other and never would hurt each other or leave each other then whatever. Marriage is supposed to be that anyways. Just because it isn't labeled wouldn't mean it isn't still just as special.

    • I agree. But it will still be disappointing to me because I've always looked forward to the day I would walk down the aisle, like it was something I knew I'd definitely do. But apparently that day may never come with him.

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    • awwwwww yay for that!

    • Ah... heh.. thanks. I do have standards and boundaries, but if a woman is pushing those anyways or never really meets the standards I have (I'm pretty damn sure they're all personality based hah) then I really don't pursue more anyways so I never really see a problem with making decisions for her in relationships I get into. Though, I am fairly flawed and can be stubborn/stupid. It's the good ol' German, Irish, and Scottish blood in me -_q

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Most people will eventually get married, I think, no mattter how oftent they say they won't. So hang in there! You've got plenty of time at your age. If you were say 35 and in this situation it would be different advice!

    • Thanks, I wasn't really looking for advice though. I was just curious to see how other people would feel in the same situation.

    • I"d think it's too early in life for him to say never. Just ride with it for a while. When his friends start getting married...so long as you're otherwise happy, just smile at him sweetly and say, 'We'l see about that.' I told my current wife I'd never get married, too.

    • Hah that's interesting. Thanks Marty :)

  • Well if I wanted to get married and she did not, she's not exactly perfect, is she?

    It would constantly weigh down on me, and I'd try to break before I got too attached. I've though a girl was perfect before, said goodbye, and found anther perfect girl.

    • Interesting... I'm glad that worked out for you. But I think I'd have a tough time finding someone else who would be as good a match for me as he is. I feel like if I broke up with him over this, he'd end up being "the one who got away."

    • I understand that. I feel like I've had one that got away, too. I do have a tough time finding someone else, but when I do find the perfect girl I will catch her, and forget about the rest.

  • I think this question should be more aimed at woman, I don't mean this in a sexist way at all but marriage tends to be more of a big deal to woman than men.

    Personally I guess I'd like to get married but it's not that big a deal for me, so if the woman didn't want to then it's no problem for me. I think most men are like this really.

    • That's very true, but that doesn't mean there won't be men who feel the same way. My question is open to anyone with thoughts on the matter. I don't discriminate lol. Thanks for your answer.

    • i think of marriage& I see myself sealed in a house with no air& dishes & rug rats & cars & bills& annoying neighbors god it looks disgusting.. I don't get the appeal. I would rather just live with someone if it ever came to wanting to be with a person.

      Why do you have to get 'married' --do you think hell leave if he does not sign something. its seems so fake to me.

    • Well in my mind marriage shouldn't change things. Other than the fact that you're solidifying your relationship. Which is why I would want to get married. I'm not even sure I ever want kids lol And yes I would be afraid that he'd leave. Not ridiculously afraid, but the thought would always be in the back of my mind.

What Girls Said 7

  • Hmm..well for me, I would look at the facts in the relationship.

    IF he loves you, and you tell him how much it means to you...And, ask him WHY he does not want to get married..and maybe try to convince him otherwise..Maybe eventually he will change his mind. I mean, if he loves you, then he would want to make you happy, right?

    I wouldn't break up with him. But, if we were dating for like 5years and there still was no sign of marriage..and it was making me unhappy, then I would probably think more about breaking up with him. To me, marriage is my dream as well..And, I do not want to have kids until I get married. And, REFUSE to have kids until I get married. I want that security with the guy also..the kind where he tied the knot with me..he will never go anywhere. He is my love forever. That type of thing.

    For now, I wouldn't...but, if I started getting sad about it..I would tell him..

    First, talk to him right now. Tell him how you feel..but, not where you're thinking of breaking up..just about your dream. Ask him why he does not want to get married. And, then try to convince him otherwise..Then, as the years go by, and IF you start to get upset..sad, and unhappy, then I would tell him that you are unhappy, and this is why. And, see how he takes it. :)

    But, I think IF he loves you, he will change his mind. I have seen it happen. best wishes xx

    • Good answer Eiffel! I agree with the security of tying the knot, that's mainly what I want out of marriage. And if he doesn't want to get married then that would make me worry that he's just going to walk out one day. How can you ever say you're truly committed if you can't take that last step? He knows how I feel and I know how he feels. And it's not enough for me to break up with him at this point. But I will always have that doubt in the back of my head... and I don't like that :(

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    • *highfive* lol

    • interesting to know..gives me hope with my relationship :-D

  • For me, it would depend on where I was at in life at the time. Right now? That would be no big deal. I'm 21, in college, and totally not ready to get married for a while. Now if I were say 26? That would be a different story. I don't feel comfortable setting up a life with a guy (sharing a mortgage and children) without the stability of marriage behind it. Every situation is different so I can't give a definite answer, but I'd probably leave him at that point.

    • Yeah I understand that. Like I'm not ready to get married at this point either, and it's definitely too soon in the relationship for something like that. But I don't like knowing that it might never be possible either. Thanks for your answer.

    • Yeah I understand, it's hard to make a decision whether to stay or go. But I suppose you need to decide if marriage is really important to you or not. If it is, you're sure to find someone just as good that actually wants to get married. No one should have to settle.

    • Well I'm not so sure I'd find someone just as good. I've never met another guy like him and I doubt I ever would. So as long the relationship is going well and I still want to be with him, I'm not gonna break up with him over it.

  • No, it couldn't work out. Because if and when we broke up I would feel like just another girl. Kind of like the whole George Clooney thing, he dates these beautiful women but never wants to get married, though he did once before, so he gets the cake and eats it too then when it's over he can go and do it all over again. The woman isn't special just another girlfriend, and I would feel like that if my dream guy didn't want to get married.

    So we would date until they told me "I don't want to get married baby", I'd stay maybe a little while longer thinking like all women that I could "change him."

    But I'd get out soon after.

    • I see your point, but I don't think every guy who doesn't want to get married is like that. And I definitely don't think that's the case with my boyfriend. He's never been one to bounce from girlfriend to girlfriend. He was with his last girl for six years and they only broke up because he caught her talking to another guy. I think it's more about the fear of it ending badly or changing things than it is about not wanting to settle down.

  • Try to see what stops him, might not be something you're doing but could be his parents got divorced, that sh*t allows people to stop believing in marriage, I don't think you should break up with him if he's a great guy, they're hard to find.

  • oh my that would be really hard. does he say why he does not want to get married? maybe over time, he will want to, so id stick it out.

  • yes. we want very different things and it could not work between us

    • I guess it depends on what your priorities are...

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    • I can see where she's coming from with security. Whether or not you feel secure is based on your own internal feelings. Some people just can't feel secure without marriage.

    • No you can't because you have no attachments to that person. They can walk out at anytime and so can you. I'm sure you're going to argue that even when married that person can walk out, that is true, but if he walks out of the marriage there is a price to pay

  • if we really were perfect for each other, then he'd understand why the sanctity of marriage is so important to me. Leto makes great points in his response, but that doesn't change the fact that intuitively, I want to get married... I might go 10 years with that guy, but after all the time, I know I'd be very unhappy if he still didn't want to marry me :/