Constantly reiterates wanting to take things slow, but introducing me to family on 2nd date?

I "met" this man on a dating website - we email, text, I'm every day. I really enjoy talking to him & he's been very sweet & a perfect gentleman. What I mean by that is: meeting people on dating sites can be extremely risky as far as people not being honest about what they're really after. A lot of men (in my experience) have only been after one thing, so the dirty talk typically starts pretty early. Well, HE hasn't done any of that, & even refrains from telling certain dirty jokes because he's wanting to take things slow & says he felt it was inappropriate. I've moved too fast in my past relationships & I'm definitely wanting to slow things down & take my time with the physical aspects of my relationships now, so I was stoked to find out that he's wanting to take things slow as well. He has full custody of his two small children, he's been divorced about a year, & apparently I'm the first person he's attempted to date since.

Well, after a week of talking, we met & it was great. Again, he was a perfect gentleman, with the only contact being playful hits & slaps & an occasionally pat on the back. We talked for hours, had a great time & we continued contact all the time just as before. After a day or two, he said he wanted to see me again this upcoming weekend (we're both wanting to see a movie coming out anyway) & asked if I wanted to go to the movie and maybe do a cookout. I, of course, accepted as I'm excited about how this is going so far. He then tells me I'll be meeting his kids, which I didn't think anything of... then, because he temporarily lives with his parents to help with their health issues, he says I'll also be meeting his parents. Needless to say, I was a bit surprised! I'm not wanting to run or anything like that, but even AFTER telling me that I'll be meeting his parents & his children on our 2nd date, he's constantly mentioning that he's wanting to take things slow & that he's not after "anything" anytime soon, & ever once after we were starting to make funny innuendos, he made a joke changing the subject & then said "Had to switch gears! Don't want the conversation taking a trip down sex talk lane! No pressure relationship/dating is what I want!" I just made a joke that I wasn't aware we were even getting NEAR that lane, haha... & we shrugged it off & talked about other stuff.

All of that is great, to me. I also want to move slow & don't want us to get too into physical stuff, or even too into TALKING about the physical stuff because I'm really wanting to get to know him & not rush anything.

Yesterday, he asked if I was ready to "meet the family" - I just made a joke about it being a trick question... he then said that he was wanting me to meet his kids, but I'm only meeting his parents as well because of his temporary living conditions.

So, he's wanting "no pressure relationship/dating" while introducing me to his parents & his kids on the 2nd date?

I'm confused... what do you all think?

We were discussing the plans for the weekend last night, and he was mentioning a third date - then he said, "I just really want you to meet my kids before we go any further with this :)"

So that answers my question, haha! I suppose my confusion came from the fact that most people do the exact opposite - make sure they REALLY like the person BEFORE introducing them to their children.

He also mentioned his sister may be stopping by as well, so now I feel like this is just a big audition :-/


Most Helpful Guy

  • well I think that some people have a different way about looking at things in terms of the dating protocol and what/what not to follow. but in this case, he sounds like he just wants to be upfront with you and him trusting you enough to meet his kids and family and is a big step. I wouldn't look at it so much as him rushing things, when he just wants you to see who his family is.

    if I were you, wait to see what comes out from this meeting. you should know by then if he is indeed rushing things (again I don't think that he is). and of course everyone's interpretation on meeting the family can be different when dating.

    if it makes any difference, I don't introduce my little ones to anyone I'm dating until way down the road. but if they want to meet them, then I'm all for it. it's just a matter of how comfortable I'm feeling about you.

    • Thanks! I don't feel he's "rushing" either, but after telling my friends and family about this, their reactions started to weird me out a bit, haha! My mom says, "He's just looking for a mom for his kids!"

      I'm not nervous, per say, but I always like to wait before introducing my boyfriends to my parents - but the wait is mainly because I know how most guys are about that kind of thing, haha!

      I guess I just don't understand how he already trusts me to meet his family after 1 date *shrug*

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What Guys Said 2

  • It's hard to say, but mayne he wants his parents and kids to sort of check you out and give him their impressions of you. Who knows how things ended up going with his ex, and maybe he wants third-party objective feedback about potential future love interests.

    • Well, turns out you were right on (see update)! I'm a little nervous now though... I feel like we should just be trying to "audition" for each other this early on and after we've established a relationship, THEN "audition" for the families - but this is going ass backwards, haha! We haven't even gotten the chance to figure out if we really think we could be a couple and I'm already worried about his family liking me, haha!

      SUCH an opposite issue from the last guy I dated! WOW!

  • Sounds to me like his priority is is family. He's trying to see if you're OK with that by injecting you into the situation. Either you understand that he has kids and sick parents that need attention, and that they will likely always take priority over you or don't. I would say, its a bit early for those introductions, but I guess he wants to make a point of it. He's only looking for someone who is serious, understands his situation, and is flexible enough to deal with it. It's not a set of baggage everyone will accept, so he's testing the waters.

    • Ah, it will be alright. His family is just important to him.

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