Ok so some background on me - 24, never had a girlfriend and never gone past a second date. I've asked a girl out once before - about a year and a half ago - and it still bothers me but its gotten better. Very low self esteem and confidence as well even though I'm happy with my appearance and happy with my personality when the social anxiety doesn't get in the way.
So there's this girl at work; I don't talk to her much because she is usually out doing field research. We are both pretty shy, but I'm even more shy (I have social anxiety disorder) - she's usually the one to start any conversations, say hi, that kind of stuff. I've tossed around the idea of asking her out for something for the past month or so now, and today its just driven me crazy all day - it was all I could think about. I guess that's because today she was at work for longer than usual and I had a chance to talk to her a bit more. She came up to the front desk to talk since we hadn't spoken in a few weeks and that was really my chance and I blew it. every time we talk I ask her what her plans are for the weekend she always tells me nothing really. So I've had my chances but I always bail and f*** things up...
My gut is telling me she is probably somewhat interested - but for whatever reason I just can't do it. there's always people around, its never just me and her. I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend as I Haven't spoken to her nearly enough - she hasn't gone home once this summer so I'm kind of thinking maybe she doesn't?. I'm absolutely terrified of asking a woman out who already has a boyfriend - its a huge fear of mine. Our last day at the job is Thursday but I'm away until Wednesday so I pretty much have 2 days (assuming I even see her). She also is going back home about 3 hours away so now I'm thinking what exactly is the point now? What am I trying to accomplish with all this?I don't know what do do at all, don't know how to ask, when, to do what - I don't really have a clue what I'm doing; I'm just worried that by next Friday I will have f***ed up yet another opportunity
Most Helpful Guy
What is the point now? To establish a connection, maybe? To have shown your true feelings so she doesn't think it was just nothing, and you really did like her?
And you have already said what you want to accomplish here, you wanted help with your A.D., and, more closely, you wanted to ask her out and show her you liked her. I can sympathize with your shyness, but you need find courage, to give yourself courage. Don't build on thoughts of fear of NOT doing it, build on thoughts of success and fulfillment of DOing it. It may be scary, hell, it can be worse than anything, but sometimes we need to risk that much for the reward it brings. We take that chance, knowing we may fall, but we remember the prize, and it give us courage, the courage to move, to take that leap into the social darkness, to ask and see, despite the fear.
A wise person once said "Courage is not the absence of fear, but action in spite of it". So it's okay to be afraid, but courage to win though it.
And I will now go through the obligatory "What's the worst that could happen" not knowing what things are truly like from your point of view.
She says no. For whatever reason, that's not entirely important. But you know what's worse? Everyone will know. Everyone will know that you asked her out, and she turned you down.
Or, wait... maybe it'll just be you and her. And she doesn't sound like a mean b*tch, (neither do you, btw)so maybe you won't be a laughingstock. Maybe, it'll just suck. And yeah it sucks, but you know what? She is not the only female you are ever going to be attracted to. But if you ask, no matter what she says, I think that's a victory, and huge victory. It mean's you're taking control of what you want to happen in your life. Even if she says no, sorry... you still made that step, and then it'll be all the easier to make that step with the girl who WILL say yes. Because trust me, there will be a woman, I don't know when, but there will be; Who will love you more deeply than you can conceive of right now.
So have courage, in the face of your inner fear. If she's shy, she'll likely have noticed that you're shy too, so I'd bet she could sympathize with your predicament. You see her, you can say hey, if there's something to talk about, talk then ask, if not, just ask. Straight out. It's not a shameful thing to ask. Far from it. Everyone knows what it's like to ask someone out (well, most... you know what I mean), so it's not some freaky thing that only you do. Be straight, be cordial, and just ask "Hey, could we like... meet before you go?" or something like that. You just ask for what you would like to happen.
Courage brother, and inner strength. The fear may be great, but it comes from within you, so with you must have courage to match it. Find that courage.
And then make sweet remixes about it.1