Why is she holding back?

Hi. there's this girl in the office who I quite like. last week we had a staff function, and she teased me about always being around one woman or other. then she told me she thought I was hot. we had coffee together in the pause area and I enjoyed chatting to her. she sent me an instant message saying the same. she also said we should go for coffee or a movie.

so I ask her to a movie, and she says her cousing are coming to town for the weekend. a few days later I ask her again, and she say that she was tired from the festivities they had the night before. ok.

we chat again, and she tells me about these guys she's been having trouble with in the office, they spread rumours about her. then she asks me why I wanted to go to the movie with her? and whether I wasn't having somethign on the side? people think of me as a player in the office, which I'm definitly not (just a bit good looking). she's asks me if she's 'safe' with me.

finally, I ask her for her no, and she says, ok, but then changes her mind, better to wait for a month first.? she also tells me about drinks that her and her colleagues are going to have that eveing. but then later in the day she gets cold feet and doesn't want me to come. she says having me and this other guy from the office will be too 'hectic'. I later find out he has a crush on her.

what's going on here? why does she tell me that I'm hot and then when I make an advance she just says no to my requests for a date? what am I doing wrong?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Sometimes it's honestly not the guy. As quirky as that sounds. I've done the same thing. I find someone very attractive and want to get to know him better but I get really nervous about taking the next step. (hanging out, going on a date) basically anything that is blatantly putting out there that I'm interested. I've been "busy" for weeks sometimes before finally giving in. It's a nerves thing. So if you really like her just give her a little time and don't by any means take it personally. Sometimes waiting a week or so before asking her again is the best thing to do. 1) it gives her some room to breathe and think and 2) It makes her wonder if she's missed the opportunity. Wondering whether you're going to ask or again or just give up. You can be pretty sure that she'll say yes the next time after that if it was just nervousness.

    • Thanks vmw2008 :) I WAS actually starting to take it personally, but I think what you say here makes sense. I'll give her sometime. just a question, if I pass her by, how should I act? I don't want to be too friendly so she thinks she has me in her pocket, but I also don't what to act like a jackass.

    • Treat her as you would any other friend that's a girl. Say "hey how ya doin?" smile. be polite. But there's no need to stick around too long or flirt that much.

  • she wants to flirt but she doesn't want anything serious so every time she feels you are asking her out she changes her mind try not to be so nice and c how she acts.also maybe she has had really bad experiences w boys so she doesn't wanna date try to understand her past life a bit


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