We met online, we both still have active profiles, but ....?

We met online a few weeks ago; it has been great, until this week. We had a date Friday night, we have spoken and texted and mostly it's me initiating the contact.

I asked about his position on us dating others, because I was asked out by another potential match and I wanted to get a feel for his stance on dating others, and also to keep it on the table that I would consider other men because we are still so new.

He said things like "we are heading down that path" and " I hate to say it, but until we are a committed stance, I think that you keep your options open, for as much as I like you, there is no guarantee as of today, but you had better hurry, because I can't say it'll be like that for long, especially as we spend more and more time together." but it's midweek and he hasn't brought up plans or asked, and I know he has been online, because it allows you to see when your matches are on or if they have been active.

I know it’s odd, I’m considering going on a date with someone else, but it’s mainly not to get vested in only him and then have my feelings really hurt, as well as to see if there are other potentials out there. I think that I have been honest enough in letting him know. I just can’t help but wonder if he is feeding me lines to keep me around or is he being honest

BTW I'm happy to report we have made plans for a date on Friday night and I'm looking forward to it. I'm willing to take my chances even if I'm a scaredy cat about it. Thanks to those of you that offered an objective opinion.
So Friday night date went well and he has already asked for a Wednesday night date...I'm taking this as a good sign. Especially since he opened up more about his family and friends.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You told him that you are dating other guys? If you did tell him, then I don't see what the problem is. As long as you tell him that you are dating other people, I don't see the problem. I think your reason for dating other people is bad, though. You want to date other people so you don't get too emotionally invested? How do you expect to have a real relationship without being emotionally invested? That's the risk you take when you date someone. Without vulnerability, you can't have real love. Real love only comes with risk. And he can't get attached to you unless you show vulnerability so by not opening yourself up to him, you are prematurely ending the relationship anyway.

    • Point taken. But let me add-on this website you can send certain little tokens, when you see that persons profile, you can see if that person has used a token to send it to someone else. When we linked up I didn't send or recieve one from him. Up until Sunday he still had them, as of Mon he didn't have them the recipients...not me...So...why should I show an enormous amount of vulnerability when it's still so new?

    • Show All
    • I don't know but I kind of like what he's doing to you. haha.. I may try that technique.

    • gss99, I'm not sure why you would take joy out of my situation, sounds to me like your taking my situation personal. I only wanted an opinion not a a pscyho analysis of my statements. I'm far from believing that I handle everything the right way . Hence why this site is a soundboard. In the long run, I have to live with the consequences. BTW not I didn't tell him I was dating others because I'm not! I asked how he felt about either one of us dating others.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • His response to you is a little odd. Just be cautious for now. Go out with other guys if you are asked out and let this guy take more of an active role in pursuing you if he's genuinely interested.

    • Ok, so what about his response ODD? See I'm used to the defensive "it's too early can we talk about it later" or the offensive "your taking this too serious you can do what you want to". But his response is almost one or the other. Yet from day one, he has hinted at having a long term relationship. So therefor it has left me a tad confused.

  • Date multiple people. You don't want to get truly hung up on one person until you know he is the one you want to date exclusively. Right now, you don't know. There is nothing wrong with it. I'm sure he is doing it himself. Although, I personally wouldn't have told him about other guys in the picture. Just do it quietly.

    • Thank you I appriciate your comment. Just to clarify, I asked him what his stance was on us dating others becauseIi was asked, and I told him I had been asked, not that I had agreed to the date. Considering we met on a dating site, wouldn't that be obvious that I would get asked out by others? I thought I'd take his feedback in cosideration before making a decision.

    • Yeah, that's tricky. I would go about it without really talking about it. He seems to be anxious if he's asking already. This can be a good and a bad sign. He could be clingy or just really like you and not want to get hurt. Although by him asking he is setting himself up for that. After a month or so of dating it's pretty natural to talk about being exclusive. But if you only see each other once or twice a week that is probably pushing it.

What Girls Said 1

  • Just keep on seeing other guys. He is correct, until you are committed to each other, then you are free to see other guys.

    And yes, as bad as it may sound, seeing other people makes you not focus on just this guy, which is the right thing to do! A guy who really likes you and would like to commit, would not follow any timetable in asking you to be exclusive. He may be one of those guys who likes you, but not so much that he would ask to you be exclusive right away.

    • Exactly. I am trying to prevent fixating on a new set of feelings. Of course I've been burned so there for I'm trying to maintain a good prespective. He could be a good fit and it turn into a great relationship, but then again he could still be looking for soemthing more and I just happen to fill the void. Either way it takes time to get to that point and dating others gives me the opportunity to see if what I'm seeing and feeling really is what it is until we make the commitment mutually.