My husband has been talking to his exgirlfriend. 10 years possibly down the drain!!!

I found out on my 10 year anniversary that my husband talked to his exgirlfriend. My story begins 10 years ago, when me and my husband(he was my boyfriend at the time) got together we were nothing more than friends with benefits. He wasn't with his ex any more because she moved 2 FL. and she didn't want the long distance thing. Once he started calling me his girl I figured he had moved on. Well, I was wrong, he continued 2 talk, I'm and email her. When I found out I bugged and told him I was gonna flip on her if she ever called again, he told me if I did he'd break up with me. So we made a deal he wouldn't talk 2 her and I would blow her off nicely. I did and nothing happened after that. Now a year later, while I was 8mos preg, I get an I'm from her asking me 2 let him know she's sorry they couldn't meet up, she got his page late and she had already gone out. When I confronted him, of course he lied. I know I'm dumb, I should have left him then, but I didn't. Cut to 5 years and me having another child, she tries to friend him on myspace, but I intercepted it deleted it then blocked her, and finally told him about it and all the info I had on her, including that she has moved to bkln, ny and that she's married and has a kid(fyi..we live on long island) What a dumb move on my part, because now he knows she's still interested, but he doesn't let on that he's interested in her, and I knew he wouldn't. But being that she's married and has a kid I didn't think he would be interested. AGAIN 5 years later, in the middle of this year my husband took a job repo'ing and his area was bklyn. I knew she wasn't living there any more so I didn't sweat it. On August 25 I was reviewing my cell bill and saw 12 calls were placed to a FL # at the end of June, I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I was played for a fool, yet again, because when I confronted him he told me she called him 2 send her condolences for his fathers death and they only spoke once. Upon futher research they didn't have any convo at the end of June it was just many calls placed 2 her and she didn't answer, but finally in the middle of July they talked a total of 83 min, all over night while he was at work and I was at home with the kids. The whole scenario is completely f***ed up, but what's really messed up is that the initial calls, at the end of June, were all while I was I went on vaca to camp in montauk and he was meeting me out there on July 1st. He was actually calling her on his way out to be with me and the kids. When I confronted him initially he told me the reason he didn't tell me about the "1" call is because he knew how sensitive I was about the subject, and it would never happen again, any time "she" tries to contact "him" he'll let me know.He bugs every time I bring it up.So this a.m. I suggested that we have an open relationship, he wasn't 2 fond. Dump him, get even, leave it alone? Does ne1 think he cheated or that they met up? Help pls, I feel bad because my kids are in the cross fire of our anger.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Wow that's one common and not so good scenario, I don't know where to begin :D (didn't mean to mock or laugh)

    I'm answering logically w/o knowing your husband's chain of thought or deeds committed, this topic is so sensitive that it shouldn't be discussd here to begin with and answering it is still further a more sensitive situation since it not only involves 2 people but also kids.

    1. This begins with your thinking that anyone who talks to their ex is not done?

    2. Situation is further fuelled probably by the fact that they split cause she was moving to FL and not cause they had a fall out

    3. So you think that they have a good chance of getting together

    4. Also that you guys first started out as FWB and then wound up marrying (I wonder why - as of now)

    5. You sure must have a strong possessive streak in you for sure added to some insecurity factor (that is not because of your husband alone) :)

    6. His being friends with his ex is not a crime though you may think so

    7. If you'd not come out so strong and suffocated the topic but rather used tact, got the lady over and spoken to both of them across the table things may have been different

    8. When you scare someone with high tempers and strong statements they tend to huddle up and scamper around which is exactly what's happened.

    9. Your actions scared your husband out of his wits and made that lady feel stronger in terms that though you are married to him, you are still insecure while she probably gave him a shoulder to cry on & bossom to huddle into

    10. Now that the situation exists one can't do much about it so no point in tendering remedies.

    11. But try doing what is in point 7 - 'may' help

    12. Ur husband may be telling you the truth EVEN if he has lied initially and for a point after that - try giving him that much though the risk exists. He bugs up cause you come out too strong and probably accuse him.

    13. Try being a rational & cool person & stop accusing him of cheating or her of being a 'sl**' etc and if required talk to them together in presence of the kids w/o strong languages, depressing words etc so as not to scare or traumatize the kids - I know wrong but such an action will act on the man who is a father positively if he's a good and caring man (That I think he is from various parts of your other questions).

    14. He's a man & let him feel and act like one - nagging and insecurity will only increase the gap between you guys. Refer to points 7, 8 & 9

    15. If you guys ever get into an open relationship then please know your limits - for the kids

    16. Your being cool and confident is the biggest detterence for the other woman.

    17. I don't say she's a b**** or s*** but that's the way nature has made it - her confidence and high increases with your insecurity apart from making your husband feel more comfortable with her since she probably gives him a shoulder thus taking you guys apart.

    It's your situation, you should know best young lady. Good luck to u, your husband & kids. Good luck & god speed

    • I think you were derailed at some point...bc you got the issue about FL right, that distance was the issue not a fallout. 1. Insecurity was caused by lying to me. He was having his ex call his brothers house...while I was babysitting his brothers kids. When I asked him to chose he told me to back the f*** down orwe're done. Well we know what I chose. Being a d*** comes with the man territory and nagging comes with a womans...idc how much a woman/man does either...being scared or worried shouldn't

    • In this case I agree the other logical & broad minded assumptions get laid to rest - this guy means to go on with that woman.

  • What do you ultimately want from this situation?

    If you want to try and reconcile then I suggest you ask him to have a serious face-to-face chat. Get someone to watch the kids and go somewhere you can be alone and can just talk. You need to let him know everything that you know about what he's been doing and how it makes you feel. Don't demand he have an answer for you on the spot, let him take some time to think about it. Basically, he needs to choose between you and the kids and this ex.

    • He knows I know about all the calls. He denies all of them even though I have solid evidence. Its been a week and all the questions I have he either dodges the question or won't answer at all. He doesn't care that I'm sick 2 my stomach about it and acts like all he did was speak 2 her once. I told him he owes me $30 for long distance calls and doesn't even deny that they're from him he just says OK. Thing is I don't know if I should stay because I love him or leave him because he's a liar.

    • Well considering he is treating you with zero respect it sounds like this "love" is a one way street...

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