Dating lecturer and he's far older than me, what do you think?

i'll make it short. I broke up with my boyfriend, it's a mutual thing. he is a good man, but he is kind of player. I understand because I didn't want to do "that" and people have some kind of biological urges.

it's been a month and my friend told me that maybe I should start dating someone else but, I don't feel like it.

i have this class and this lecturer, he's like 29 and engaged. I found him adorable and very very smart. I didn't expect he'd ask me out but he did. since then, we often had coffee or walk in the park. the point is he's so my type and he never asked me to do what I don't wanted to.

later, my ex text me and said that he missed me and wanted us back. I said I'd think about that and if I figured out, I'd tell him.

i told my lecturer that I'd like to go for my ex because even if everything went right, it would not be working for us.

the next day, my lecturer said that he settled his engagement for me. I feel bad about it.

so, what do you think about it? who should I go for?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Wow, that's a tough scenario.

    But in my opinion, an Ex who is a player versus a lecturer who cut off his engagement for you...

    its like picking the lesser of two evils. Imo, I know if I ever cut it off with someone I was engaged to for someone else...that would just feel so wrong on an ethical level. Why would I even be engaged in the first place?

    If he was single in the first place, that would be a whole different story, but that one fact alone is a HUGE reveal of a person's character.

    Its up to you to either follow your emotions, or not, and keep moving forward finding someone new.

    Dating lecturer's never end well, and rarely does getting back with an ex ever end well either.

    You should move on from both, imo.

    • yes, you're right. I feel so wrong and unethical. it's like worst of both worlds. this is so depressing!

      i think I should move on.

      the problem is, I don't know how to say know. I mean, right in person, you know.

      double trouble

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Well I got to be honest, but as you mentioned that your ex was a player, you need to keep away from him, because he will play you for as long as he can, and with the leturer, it seems a little to fast, so just stay friends and see where it goes, but otherwise, stay single, and have some fun, having to many bloke problems will only upset the core of you, so make it clear to them both, your OK for now but would like to just be friends, this way you will see who was genuine and who wasnt,x

  • when your going out with a girl, there's keys words "a girl" means one! now I've never cheated on a girl, I have always treated them like princesses! my advice dump them both! they look like cheaters, go find a prince!

    • hey, thanks. I appreciate that. do you think what I have with my lecture or my boyfriend is not real?

      can I just dump them. I feel bad about it. :(

    • Show All
    • thank you, I hope so. like thank you very much. :D

    • no problem, glad I could help...good luck :) I'm routing for you

  • you should embrace the fact that your plan has worked. move in for the kill.


What Girls Said 3

  • Neither, nor. Both or them are cheaters.

    Do you really want to be with someone who doesn't respect you and appreciate you enough to be satisfied with only you as his girlfriend?

    Yes, men have urges, we do also. Doesn't mean you have to do it bcause they want to!

    I have male friends who've waited years to do it bcause their girlfriends were not ready. As adults, not teens!

    And the lecturer, do you really want to be the other woman?

    You'll only get respect from others if you respect and love yourself enough to say Enough!

    Learn to be content by yourself, enjoy being alone. You don't need to be with someone just bcause.

    If you don't want to date, don't do it.

    • i enjoy being alone, I do. but, about this guy, my lecturer, he have settled his engagement. like, for me.. I feel so bad about that.

      IF, I am to leave him, what do you think? should I talk to his fiance to take him back or something?

    • Look, talking from experience, there is nothing you can do, he felt something for you, but you obviously don't feel the same for him, otherwise you wouldn't be as confused.

      If he ended the engagement is bcause he was not sure about his relationship with her, is better like this. Give him time and freedom to decide what he wants to do, if he wants to persue you be certain you give him a concreate answer, yes or no. If he wants to go back to his girlfriend he's the one who has to do the talking, not you.

    • okay, thank you very much :)

      i think I can do that. thanks for the support. :)

  • I think you need to step away from this entire situation and have some good ol' fashioned time with yourself. Get your nails done, read a book, light a candle, relax. Then, you're going to get the lecturer out of your life because if you truly cared for him in a strong enough matter, you wouldn't have told him that you're going for your ex.

    As for your ex, you need to see if he actually missed you or just the relationship. How has he changed from his player ways before? He's going to have to earn your trust all over again, just like when he built it when you first started going out.

    Best of luck! :)

    • for my ex, I don't know what two months can turn a person into what kind of person he is. I haven't talk to him yet. who should I go for?

  • Yeah, right. Cheaters always say that kinda sh*t. What makes you so attracted to manwhores?

    • lol. his muscle is built. that's kind of sexy. haha.

      no, I mean, he is a good guy, really good guy. but, I know I have lack, I can't blame him either. lol

    • Dating someone while you're engaged DOES NOT make you a really good guy!

    • after minutes thinking, I agree that he's not a good guy. lol