Is it okay that I'm usually the one to text first?

I started dating this guy recently. We've kissed and been on a date and both really like each other.

This is a bit about him: He's a total geek. He has a few close friends but other than that, he doesn't like any other people in his school. So I guess he's kind of antisocial (except when it comes to his friends). He has very little experience with girls and dating. He easily tells me his weak points (eg, when we're talking about video games, if he cried at some point during the game he tells me) and he says he's very comfortable around me. Also he told me that he has social anxiety disorder. He's in concert band with me so I see him at least once a week.

This is my dating past: I'm also pretty inexperienced with dating, but not as much as he is. I've had one boyfriend before. We didn't get to hang out very often and we didn't text or talk on the phone or anything very often either. When we did communicate electronically, it was because he was horny. Then for two weeks he didn’t even bother to text me once (although I never talked to him either) and then we broke up.

This is my current problem: This new guy hardly ever texts me first. When I do text him, he usually replies straight away which is nice. According to what I’ve read (psychology articles, Cosmopolitan articles, stuff on the Internet, etc) I’m supposed to make him miss me and want me by waiting for him to text me first. But the last time I waited (when I was waiting for my ex, as I said above) it ended badly. So what should I do? I want to text him and it’s not like I’d smother him or anything. I usually start a text conversation with this guy about 3-4 times a week (and we’re pretty much going out). Still it would be nice if he talked to me first more often. Will he lose interest if I always text first? But if I wait and never text first, I’m afraid he’s just not going to bother texting me and lose interest that way.

What should I do? What are your personal experiences with this kind of stuff? Should I do what Cosmo tells me? xD;; What if he never texts me? Thanks!

  • It's fine to always text him first.
    Vote A
  • Wait for him to text first. Make him miss you!
    Vote B
  • You should both text first the same number of times.
    Vote C
  • I want to see the results!!
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Based on his personality, I think it's totally fine to be the one texting him first. He doesn't seem like the type who plays games like ignoring-you-so-you-miss-me. Especially because you guys are already so comfortable with each other. He may just be used to you texting first and not really give any thought that it might bother you.

    You can probably try not texting him first to see if he'll reach out and hopefully get the hint, or you can just tell him that it makes you feel like he's not very interested in you. He probably has no idea.

    My boyfriend is kind of nerdy too and at first it was weird to me that he didn't play any of these stupid games that I was always dealing with from other guys. But he's just so honest and upfront that he doesn't feel the need to. And in turn, I've learned to not hide my feelings or expect him to read my mind (because girls unconsciously learn to do those things) because he often just doesn't get it lol. It makes for a good relationship though when you learn to be totally honest with each other like that.

    So yeah, your situation really doesn't seem like anything to worry about in my opinion. I would simply call him clueless to your feelings.


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What Guys Said 2

  • To me, it shouldn't really matter who texts whom first...

    If you feel like talking to him, then text him! Nothing wrong with that.

    If he doesn't text you, but you feel neglected in some way...then talk to him about it. If he's just antisocial in general and finds it difficult to branch out, it may be something you can work with him on. Keep in mind, however, that often, taking a little bit of a break from talking with your S.O. can be beneficial (and may subtly invoke a feeling of yearning you want him to feel for you). It's generally considered a bad idea to actively do things designed to make someone desperate for you -- they tend to backfire, as you've learned.

    Good luck.

  • I think maybe the best thing to do is talk to him about it... Or don't text him and wait to see if he will finally text you first and if he doesn't then you definitely have to talk to him about it.


What Girls Said 1

  • Okay I'm going to assume you go to high school/college and see this guy at school sooo...

    On a Friday, make sure you have arranged NO solid weekend plans with the guy.

    DO NOT COMMUNICATE WITH HIM from Friday evening until 24-48 hrs later. If he texts/calls, GREAT. Don't even reply right away - see if he double-texts or calls back.

    When you do reply, be super nice and friendly so he knows you still like him. Arrange to get together. :)

    If you get NO CONTACT from him - you really need to think twice about this. Just because he is shy and geeky does NOT mean he feels the same way you do. It is ENTIRELY possible that he rarely thinks about you. You do NOT want him to stick around just because you are convenient and available. (This has happened to me.) Protect yourself by being less available to him - if he really likes you, this will be a plus/turn on. If not, if he fades away... sorry but he just wasn't that into you.