Any advice to someone who's never had a girlfriend?

Lets see...

I'm a former fatty with self esteem issues regarding my looks, lately more and more I'm getting over that as I'm getting complimented on my look these days and I'm starting to get it in my head that I actually look average(+) now. I even get called hot by some girls which I still find hard to believe but hey.. beauty in the eye of the beholder right?

Anyway my issue is as follows;

It seems impossible for me to get a date despite approaching girls frequently with no expectations in my head in advance, I just want to get to know them and see what gives.

Approaching strangers usually ends up in them walking away from me because I'm uncomfortable and I don't actually have a tool set to get to know people out of nothing, it seems impossible despite having tried a lot thus far because I'm me and I'm pretty much a weirdo.

every time I do this, I feel like sh*t. I didn't really have too much fun and I always feel like there's something wrong with me afterwards.

Now on the bright side, when I meet friends of friends, it usually goes great... I'm pretty much "the man", they like hanging out with me because I'm funny, smart and have plenty of interesting and fun things to say, there's rarely a dull moment and I'm a great listener. I'm a gentlemen that isn't afraid to show he's a man and I get to the point of kissing or mutual attraction(which is overly obvious) but it seems like they all have boyfriends or I'm not interested in anything more then friendship with said girl.

Whenever this happens I feel great, even if she does have a boyfriend I might be a bit disappointed if there is chemistry but I made a new friend to the point where I have more female friends then guy friends at the moment which is great but... I still want a girlfriend.

Any advice? Should I just keep doing what I'm doing to get more friends and continue to meet their friends and hope this situation will change that way?

What I get told by the friends of friends that I've met who I've actually told this to is that they've felt comfortable around me from the start because we had a common friend so I couldn't be that bad of a guy and from my point of view, I had the same thing going and was able to be my complete self from the get go without being afraid of rejection.I do the same with new people I meet without a common friend but it doesn't seem to work then and I can't quite figure out why.



Most Helpful Girl

  • not to brag, but I'm a hottie and I've been turned down PLENTY - you're simply not going to be a match for everyone, even if it sometimes seems obvious to YOU. you seem like a nice guy, which should sky-rocket your self-esteem because that puts you lightyears ahead of 90 percent of guys over 18. and you've shown that you're likeable, so you've racked up like a million brownie points already. it sounds like you make a point to become friends with girls, which doesn't work when you actually want to date a particular girl. some "experts" say that guys usually choose friends as mates while women usually go for someone that makes his romantic interest known from the get-go (maybe we're just impatient, who knows?). the best thing is to approach girls that you want to date with confidence (even if you have to fake it at first) and let them know that you're interested in knowing them and taking them on a date (and make a point to use the word!). guys that try to use friendship as an in are almost always automatically friend-zoned. hope that helps!

    • So your saying to fake a romantic interest from the start despite not knowing anything about her?

      It's not like I'll treat them as a buddy from the get go as I'm still teasing, I'm still keeping them guessing because that's just a whole lot of fun to me but I am however still a good guy and not afraid to show that.

    • Approaching a girl without knowing anything about them will leave me clueless about wether or not I want to date them, I could potentially want to date them once I know them a bit but what your talking about just seems physical attraction which quite frankly isn't enough on its own and is just lust.

    • no, don't fake interest. you date someone to find out if there is romantic interest, so it's okay to ask someone for coffee just because you're attracted to them. that isn't shallow - you're not making a commitment, and that doesn't mean that you want to have a relationship with the person. it's just a date. you can DATE many people, but you only want a RELATIONSHIP with one.

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What Girls Said 0

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What Guys Said 2

  • Don't worry about it.

    The minute you stop worrying about chasing girls and getting laid and just sit back and have fun with your friends the girls will come.

    So yeah, just meet friends, get to know more people, something will pop up.

    It is easier said than done of course- I've been single for quite a while now (since my last breakup in my case though) is hard to not be gagging for it, but...its what needs to be done.

    • Usually when I do that(having fun without friends without thinking about chasing girls), I do seem to get looked at a lot but then nothing happens.Its never not once happened to me that a girl actually walks up to me because I'm having fun in a group... They'll look at me and sometimes stare but then that doesn't really lead anywhere.

  • Learn a different language, get out of the west, move to a country with more warm, kind and supportive women. Good luck, man!

    • I fluently speak 6 languages(dutch, english, french, spanish, russian & spanish) so that's not the issue.

      I'm also quite satisfied with the life I have here, it'd also feel like running away and gave up instaid of "fixing" it which'll haunt me for life.

    • Show All
    • I don't know what else to suggest, your luck is terrible, man. All you can do is keep getting out there...or move to another country. I'm calling it a night now as it's 2 am here. Good luck anyways, sorry I couldn't be of more help!

    • Well.. patience is a virtue I guess...