Dated a Childhood Sexual Abuse Survivor?

For guys and girls:

Have you dated a childhood sexual abuse survivor?

When did they tell you about the abuse?

Did their abuse baggage affect your relationship?

Any other thoughts about relationships with abuse survivors would be appreciated.

Thanks, all!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well, I can help you in a different way. My fiance is engaged to a childhood abuse survivor. I haven't told him everything that has happened to me and we have been going out for 2+years, and best friends for longer. Some things I don't want to tell him because I'm still trying to get over it. I first started telling him when we were talking about having sex. Before him every guy I dated just used me for sex...that's what I was I thought love was because of the abuse when I was young. When my fiance started talking about wanting to be more intimate is when I told him some of what happened. He took it like any guy would, he wanted to kill the bastard. It hasn't really effected us at all. I'm luck, he is really understanding and willing to take things slow. And I am glad to say that thanks to his support and care that I can know what real love is... Hope that helped

    • There are some parts of the abuse I doubt you can ever get over. But it sounds like you've made a lot of progress. Thanks for the answer.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 3

  • yes

    i've known about it since I first met him. he's told me almost everything I think.

    not really but I did mean that I had to be sensitive to his emotions more so than any other guy I dated

    As long as they get past it and know they have people they can depend on they'll be better off.

  • I have dated a childhood sexual abuse survivor.

    He told me about two weeks into our relationship... It did not affect our relationship at all... But we ended up both sharing our stories.

    The most important thing to do, with a situation such as this one is to be supportive, and there for each other.

    There may be some bumpy roads, but knowing that your companion is there for you, is amazing.

    This situation is all bout communication, and finding a safe zone.

    In all honesty, its just like any normal relationship. but sometimes listening is more important then kiss etc.

  • I was abused and my boyfriend now is understanding. But sometimes i feel like he judges me for it. Maybe its all in my head.


What Guys Said 2

  • It takes a lotta patience and prayer to really enjoy a life with a CSAS... It was a real lesson to me to date a couple of them- and it made me become a tad more understanding towards pplz like that. At times, just spending time with them would do, as I wanted more of them. The fact that they have this oppressive demonic spirit on them is something that only God can fix. It's truly an epidemic that isn't being paid attention to at all. Our girls are being abused at alarming rates, and it makes me sad to see how underreported it goes.

  • I've never dated someone who was abused, but I was.
    -I told my girlfriend (at the time) about it a few months into our relationship. I would have told her sooner, but I'd repressed the memories. About a week after I remembered what happened, I told her.
    -It definitely had an effect on our relationship.
    ->I don't have much, if any, interest in having sex or even kissing and making out.
    ->I am uncomfortable with being touched unless I know it's about to happen.
    ->I have very low confidence in relationship. I constantly worry I'm annoying or in the way or doing something they don't want or like, so constant reassurance is helpful.
    ->I also had a tendency to close down if anyone asks me to pick something (like "Do you wanna watch movie A or movie B?"). In situations like that, 90% of the time I would just say it didn't matter and whichever one she wanted was fine (even if I really didn't want to watch one of them. Abuse messes with your ability to say no and establish what you want.)

    The best advice I can give when dating a survivor is to be patient and make sure you establish clear communication. Make sure they feel like they can talk to you, that they can set boundaries and tell you what they want and don't want. Accept that they will have good days and bad days. And ask yourself if you are honestly ready for the responsibility of dating someone with that kind of trauma.