Nice quiet girls? Can you help me understand what she's up to?

Hi guys,

I posted this earlier and got some feedback from two guys, but was hoping to get some more specific advice from both genders about what this behavior means/why she's not being more direct/ and how to go about fixing it, like should I open by apologizing or do you think she's forgiven me (her friends have)?

I had a crush on this girl last year, lets call her "Erica". She was my date to a formal function, we had lots of fun, and at the end of the year we were texting. It was clear that I liked her. When Erica was at one of my parties, her sister Jessica pulled me across the floor from my kitchen and handed me off to Erica to dance with her.

We stayed in touch over the summer. At the beginning of the year, Erica texted me about how excited she was to see me, ran up and hugged me.. things were looking good.

The next night I got really drunk and acted like an a**hole, pissing off Erica and most of her friends. It was awkward for a while. I drunk texted Erica that night saying how much I liked her and trying to explain and apologize for how I acted. She responded the next day saying that she appreciated what I said, but was unhappy with how I acted and hoped that I'd learned from it.

The next day I saw her at another party and she wouldn't even look at me. I steered clear.

The next night Erica, sister, and two friends come to my house to pregame. It's super awkward and while Erica is sort of nearby, I stay away from her and don't talk to her.

A week later she was at a party with me and saw me take home a girl (she told a friend of mine about it).

The next week I was getting a drink in the basement/dance floor area at a party, a friend of mine gives me the "hi sign" and I turn around: she's 7 feet behind me standing alone, giving me a weird look.

A few weeks pass, and a similar thing happens. I'm on the porch at a party and my friend is winding Erica up saying "He's over there, wink wink wink". I laugh and get him to leave her alone, and her friends March Erica inside.

A few hours later, I'm clearing out the party. Jessica and friends are standing together, but Erica isn't with them. It's super rare for them not to be in a huddle. The cops are here, Jessica and friends leave when I ask the living room to clear out.

A couple minutes pass, I turn around and see through the doorway to the kitchen, Erica standing at the counter alone, looking in my direction. As I walk into the kitchen, we make eye contact, but its kind of awkward and I'm not sure that she was trying to talk to me. I side step her and tell everyone to clear out. As Erica walks past me, she puts her hand on my shoulder, but keeps on going.

Is she just trying to get attention from me, or does she miss me and want to talk?

I doubt she's trying to "be just friends" because I was kind of a drunken jerk before.. I'm trying hard to be better and I really miss her.

Is this just her way of trying to get me to start a conversation with her?


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What Girls Said 2

  • Well it sounds like even though you were as you so kindly put it a drunken idiot to her you apologized and she appeared to forgive you. It seems though some how that you're waiting for her to do something which I don't think she will. She's been watching you however weird the looks may of seemed, she touched your shoulder as you walked by, it doesn't seem to me as if she's trying to stear clear of you, but as you said she want's you to talk to her. Instead of spending all that time trying to figure out her looks, and hidding at different corners of the house next time you see her go right up and say something to her instead. If you guys continue this weird one person tango then I'm afraid one day one of you may simply tire of it and they'll be nothing left but regret. Think of it this way as well if she didn't want to hear from you again why would she goes to parties I'd bet you anything she knew you'd be at. Her friends didn't force her to go from what I can to her ok? =)

    • I haven't apologized. Last we spoke was via text.. and I said I felt bad and really wanted to explain myself, but if she wouldn't respond, then I said I'd take a hint and leave her alone. She didn't respond and its been a little over a month.

      She's really shy. I guess everything she's done since has been deliberate, I just can't tell if this is "lets just be friends" or "I miss you" and she misses the feeling of someone liking her.

    • Show All
    • Based on her approaching me (and me failing to note the opportunity she was giving me), do you think she's in good humor again?

      I have done a lot of growing up. I'd like to show her that I do care about her feelings. But if this is "lets just be friends", I feel the way things are is preferable. I can't be a good friend to her if I still hold feelings for her.

    • I wish I could tell you that she felt this way, or that she felt that way but to be completly honest she could be trying to be friends are more. The only ways you're going to find out which is if she tells you herself. Don't give up too easily when a shy person is hurt we take a while to trust and before that we may appear as if we want to be simply friends. If you want her to know you respect her feelings you have to respect that as well

  • She may want you to make the first move towards fixing the friendship you two had

    • well the thing about our friendship is- my interest was always very apparent. She would grind on me at parties and be my date to formal dinners. We just never got a chance to know each other very well before I pissed her off.

      So really.. we're not "friends". I'm hoping she feels the same way I do.

    • Hmm well maybe she does it is hard to tell since everyone shows differently how they like someone

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