How does "lust" turn to love?

The attraction is there, the two people Haven't been on a date yet, the girl wants more than sex, the man's intentions are unknown, what can girl do to get man interested in brain not just body. don't have sex with them right away? any thoughts are appreciated
I appreciate all the answers. I guess I didn't word things correctly. I know he is attracted to me, I just don't know if it is purely physical or emotional. So I was asking about any special way to act to see if it was emotional as well.


Most Helpful Guy

  • You need to build an emotional connection.

    Sex and love and relationships are complicated, and I'm not an expert based on personal experience, but from what I read/gather/understand/observe and trial when possible, I'd suggest the following:

    - you can't MAKE anyone fall in love with you. You can allow them to be emotionally close, show your true self and feelings, and create the conditions where they could feel loving. But beyond that, they just have to feel it.

    - in the long run, _feeling_ loved is important in sustaining feelings OF love.

    - guys who only want sex will more often move on fast if they don't get it. 'fast' is a relative term and depends heavily on your age and relative experience. This is not foolproof though, especially if you are dating 'casually'. A player who is sleeping with 4 girls might be happy to wait a year for you, a guy looking to have a relationship with one girl would move on _faster_ because he's not getting some elsewhere.

    - there are some guys who think women who have sex too fast are 'sluts' and lose interest in them for relationships.

    - most guys feel hurt and rejected of sex and sexuality happen too slowly.

    - some guys might be so screwed up in the head that its impossible not to hit one of the above two points.

    - many guys, having sex with them soon doesn't really change anything either way. If they were falling in love with you, they still will, if they weren't, they still won't.

    You can always gamble on actually asking what sort of relationship he's looking for, and be clear on what YOU are looking for. 'More then sex' might be taken as code for 'not very interested in sex'. I might encourage you to explain that you would like a full, passionate, loving, sexual and intimate relationship with the right guy (if that's what you want). If he wants that, then you negotiate pace. If he's not interested in that, he knows to look elsewhere.

    Age is going to matter a lot. If you're really 40ish, most single people I know that age are having full on sex by date 3, assuming they're heading to a relationship.

    • very well thought out answer. thank you!

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What Guys Said 3

  • There really isn't anything you can do to "make" him interested; he either is or he isn't. All you CAN do is create boundries that will help you determine if he is interested in a relationship (beyond just sex) or not. The typical and by far the most successful way is to make him commit to a relationship before you allow sex to happen. Most guys who only want sex will run away in search of easier prey, and won't waste the time and effort on a relationship they don't want for the promise of eventual sex.

    The guys that DO put in that time are USUALLY the guys who want the relationship. Of course, they want the sex too, but they know how the game works, and are willing to follow the rules and wait for sex, so that they can prove themselves.

    Honestly, this is something you probably should have had figured out in high school or at least college (age), but it's still true at our age, though typically, at our age, things move faster because people have more experience in relationships and know themselves better as well, so they don't need to spend as much time playing games.

    • Youre the 2nd one on here that's said that at my age things move faster.So, since you're my age, advice on this? He wanted to know when I was going to invite him to dinner at my house. Now I'm not stupid, I'm sure he might expect sex, but he's not gonna get it then. How many dates do you go on before you do have sex, in you opinion?

    • Show All
    • ... for the average person our age. It doesn't mean you have to put out on the first date. It just means folks in their 30s-40s tend to be more comfortable with themselves and with relationships, so some (but not all) of the "game" can be bypassed.

      Hope that helps. Feel free to chat me if you want to talk more.

    • thanks, that helps. Mr. California :)

  • Your best bet is to be yourself at all times, don't try and make him like something you cannot maintain naturally, because the qualities in you should be what he falls for, not the act you can play, and just give it time, if he is interested in you, then your talents won't go unnoticed, but he has got to notice you in his own time, trying to force this will just make you come across as high maintanence or desperate, and guys mainly avoid girls like that, so be yourself and let him make his approach, that way you really know he likes you, good luck,x


What Girls Said 3

  • Probably not a good idea to have sex right away because then he will have gotten what he wants then if he feels like it's time to leave, he will and go find another...I would take it slow and don't try to act like any other person, you are you, so be you around him or any other guy.

  • There is no telling if he'll even want to have a serious relationship with you even if you did take the "proper steps" to secure a comitted relationship with him. The best thing to do is just show a lack of indifference to the situation. Be his friend, but don't wind up being his f*ck buddy. If he doesn't want anything serious, just move on.

  • you need that emotional connection as well, not just physical. So don't have sex too soon, wait a while, build that chemistry first


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