How do I make him interested in talking again?

How do I make one of my good guy friends want to talk to me and be interested in our conversations again? We used to be really close and would talk all the time about absoloutley anything. We would never run out of stuff to say and when he went to bed, I would always wake up the next morning and there would be a message from him and we would carry on talking again. If not, he would always send a message some time during the day telling me something random.

But then he suddenly became kind of distant. We would still talk but he didn't seem as keen as he was to hear from me. Then all of a sudden he stopped talking all together. When he was distant, I had sent him messages all the time so I didn't want to keep doing it. I left it, but I hadn't heard from him in a week and it sucked.

So I sent him a message asking how he had been doing and stuff and we spoke for 5 hours. At first he seemed distant, but then he got into the conversation again and it felt like how things used to be so I was happy. But then towards the end he started getting distant again and I felt like I was saying too much and he didn't really care. He went to bed and said night and I was hoping there would be a message in the morning again, but I got nothing.

I don't understand what changed and how he can be so willing to talk one minute and so distant the next. If I don't send a message then I never hear from him, but if I do then I feel like I'm putting in too much effort and being too keen to talk to him, but not hearing from him is hard. I asked him recently if he was OK because he'd seemed quiet and I hadn't heard from him much, but he said he was fine so I left it.

Before when he used to care about talking to me, we would make plans to see each other and he would randomly come visit me. he's meant to come this weekend, but since we Haven't spoken for a while and he is now offish, I feel awkward asking him and like I'm being too forward about it all and that's the last thing I want, but I just want us to be close like we were.

Why has he suddenly changed and doesn't want to speak to me anymore? Should I carry on talking to him even though he never starts the conversation? Please help.


Most Helpful Guy

  • okay, firstly guys hate clinginess. I'm not saying that you are too clingy, but him having a couple of off days doesn't mean that he doesn't care about you anymore. girls get emotional and shut themselves off from the world every now and again, guys are exactly the same they just don't like to admit it.

    did this guy ever fancy you? because the beginning part of the story sounds like he was pretty into you. maybe what you thought was a friendship was him trying to get you to like him back. and now he's over it/realised you're not interested/likes someone else. just a suggestion, one which you might discard as wrong.

    if that isn't the case then you need to think if there was any kind of trigger. an argument, something going on at home, problems at work (or college) etc etc. guys are, as a rule, less fickle than girls are - it's unlikely he'd be ignoring you for no reason.

    if there is nothing like that going on, then maybe he doesn't know. let him know how you feel, without trying to make him feel gulity or it seeming like you're having a go. chances are he hasn't realised. if there really is no effort from his side though, you've got to let him go. sorry, but it's true. he'll come to you when he realizes what he's lost. if you don't, you'll resent him for not putting in any effort and he'll resent you for suffocating him. either way, be civil and leave the door open for a reunion. if you slag him off or make bitchy comments to a friend that will be it.

    • Yeah I agree that he needs space and I gave him that, but a week is a long time to not talk don't you think? Especially when he was still on his phone even when we werent talking. I know he did like me ages ago and I liked him too, it never turned into anything serious though and we both just got over it and carried on being friends. There wasn't a trigger that I'm aware of. We never had an argument, nothing happened at home, he was a bit busy with exams, but it didn't stop him speaking before.

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