Why would a guy act like he cares when he doesn't?

Long story short, I was seeing a guy who is bipolar. He told me he's been depressed lately but when I ask him over text how he's doing he'll say he's good/fine/etc. So whatever.

For the past week he's dropped off the map and I'll always have to text him first. Before, we used to text each other all the time and hang out frequently. He told me multiple times he's weird and I'll probably get sick of him, etc. But none of that bothered me because I'm quirky and different too.

Finally, after asking him to hang out yet again and him saying 'idk' (his now usual response even though he says he's doing absolutely NOTHING), I said okay then I won't bother you anymore. So he texts me a few hours later that day asking did I do something wrong, you said you weren't going to talk to me anymore.

Fast forward to last night. I texted him asking what's up because I was at a party and I said we should hang out later. He says yeah and do what? I said whatever. And he said I don't know if that's a good idea you might be drunk so I said yeah so what, then forget it dude. And he said I'm sorry. I haven't texted him back and I'm not going to because I refuse to be ignored and look like an even bigger idiot.

I just don't know why he acts like he cares when he clearly doesn't. If he did, he would text me AND want to actually see me. -_-

Can I get anyone's thoughts?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Forgive me for the simplicity of my response, but it just seems like that's the disorder at work. One of my best friends dated a bipolar girl for nearly three years. One minute she'd tell him what a smart, sharp guy he is, the next she'd be telling him how stupid he was because he didn't follow her conspiracy theories.

    • I guess. I just can't tell if he's lost interest in me or just life in general.

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    • Anytime :)

    • Thanks for BA!

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What Guys Said 5

  • He sounds he's caught in a confused place right now, I should know , I felt like that several times before in the past and probably still do it to this day.

    Based off what he's saying, I can only make these two assumptions.

    A) He probably likes you but is insecure/unsure about himself and confused with his different emotions.

    B) He's probably dealing with something and his emotions are jumping back and forth but doesn't want you to think he's not into you and possibly lose your attention on him , so he tries to make contacts here and there to basically say " Yeah I'm still alive and kicking"

    Most people who don't really text first usually have insecurities or always lost in other things/thoughts, or dealing with something and feel if its best to be alone.

    I think you should try this tactic, ask him to come over on a day when you both aren't doing anything and ask him " Is there anything on your mind you want to talk about? I'm a great listener and I don't judge so feel free to speak your mind, it might help ease your stress and might help your situation"

    Good luck!

    • He never texts me first anymore though. I feel like we could go for a week and he wouldn't care. He's told me he's sorry, that there's nothing wrong with me and it's not me that's the problem. But he hasn't been saying that lately so I don't know what to think.

      He knows I'm here for him because I told him. I can only offer my hand, it's up to him to reach out and take it.

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    • Yeah I have said that. :/ Lol. Oh well. Thanks though Patrick, right? (:

    • Well time will tell just try to hang in there, and my name is phoenix =)

  • He may not be lying. Bipolar disorder (from what I gather) is like having frequent mood swings (if left untreated, that is). The person's mood is always oscillating between depression and hypomania.

    For the record, I'm not bipolar but I do have depression and people with mental illness can have a tendency to isolate themselves and push people away, even if they care about them. I have no way of knowing if that's what's happening here but try to have a little compassion, it's not an easy thing to live with.

    That said, you're under no obligation to date him and his behavior is not your responsibility. You can't make him do what you want. If you want to stay with him, you'll probably have to find a way to cope with his fluctuating moods, that's the down side of having a partner with mental illness. If you can't, you should find someone new.

    • He told me that he really needs his friends right now and that that includes me. I try to be there for him, to get him to hang out but he always is indecisive.

  • I agree with all that has been said above. I bet it would be hard to look past his disorder and not take his mood swings personally. But if you could do that, and be really patient with him, you could be the kind of friend or girlfriend he really needs.

  • Yeah.

    It sounds like he's bipolar. He's not 'quirky'.

    Be a friend to this guy if you want to, but don't date him.

  • It would seem that in this case it's his bipolar disorder at work more than anything. :\ but with other guys it would be generally cause they either don't or we're taught quite frequently not to show interest in a girl cause then girls desire us more (I personally don't subscribe to doing that even if I've seen it a lot from girls lol). I don't know though, I'm gonna guess it's his disorder more than anything :\


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