What are some " red flags " in men that us girls can look for, when wanting to start a relationship?

I seem to always pick a man who is the "wrong type," and those are the kind who are also attracted to me. I want to learn how to recognize these signs and symptoms, so I can be more careful, and not get my heart broken again.

These are all such great answers, and I really appreciate the discussion participation.
Thanks everyone, these are ALL great answers. I know there are many facets to the question and answers. I think I am looking for where I have gone wrong... but it is always best to look at all sides, and choose a wise decision on any relationship. I wondered if this was a good relationship " gone wrong ." I just do not wish to repeat such hearbreak again.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Pay attention to two things:

    1. Where did you meet the guy?

    2. Is he super exciting?

    Girls generally don't understand that guys who are super exciting and that you have to chase after are generally bad boyfriends, nor do they understand that guys go to clubs and bars to get drunk and find a girl to have sex with.

    If you want a good boyfriend, go after the good person you met NOT while partying, and who's dependable, but not super exciting. A Porche is nice, but generally driving one leads you toward an expensive crash. Go after the sedan.

    • It's true. It's the testosterone that gets girls going. High testosterone males are very exciting, but they like to have sex with lots of different women.

    • You misspelled PORSCHE!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • More detail would help. What kind of guy are you falling for that's the wrong guy. Is he abusive? Does he cheat on you? Does he take what he wants and then leave you? Are they clingy and weird? Do they like their moms more than you? There are lots of different types of goober in the male world. We need more information.

    • Well, Jack... my husband decided to cheat on me ( I suspect ), he decided to be abusive, he took from me and now wants a divorce ( yet does not actually file one ). This causes me to believe I have a challenge, if you will, with making good men choices.

    • Oh okay, you're dealing with the "real man." Well stay away from guys who seem to have issues with their masculinity, who are obsessed with maintaining a perfect, masculine image. I like guns and martial arts, but I also like cooking, baking, and poetry. I'm not afraid that baking a cake or reading a poem is going to make me gay or soft. For guys like this, beating up weak people and sleeping with lots of different women is a way to feel manly. Obsessive masculinity is the key.

  • I don't know.


What Girls Said 2

  • 1) controlling and self absorbed(arrogant).. Assuming he isn't showing any PSYCHO obvious ones..

    Arrogant people when never acknowledge your point of view and they find their needs more important

    Controlling.. well that obvious.

    • With this one I totally agree!

      That's what my father is like! And my mother is like his puppy, almost never opposing his opinions or decisions... trust me it's not cool!

  • Disrespectful. He probably won't start with you, but if he is rude to others (waitresses, family & friends, etc(.

    Moves too fast. He acts like you're the love of his life after 3 dates. NOBODY knows so soon, these types often fall fast and fall out fast.

    Clingy. Wants to spend all of his time and money on you from the get go. He will be insecure and needy.

    Mean. If he is violent or talks about violence in a glorified way, steer clear.

    Slutty. If he seems to have a lot of women flitting around him, who he claims are "friends," but you sense some chemistry. He's a guy who sleeps with all of his friends. He may be charming, but the charm and humor hides an inability to be real with people.

    Also, let a guy unfold over a few weeks of dating before you trust him. Liars lie, but you can usualy catch them soon enough.

    • Let's see what's the opposite of what you described.

      -Respectful = Ass-kisser

      -Moves too slowly = you'll be friendzoned

      -Unclingy = cold and indifferent

      -Non-violent = a wuss, could never protect you

      -Un-charming = a loner, socially awkward

      I guess your "perfect guy" must be a really good catch!

    • Show All
    • Hi, Anonymous... a funny thing is, when we first met, my husband was charming, very polite, a true gentleman. He is practical, yet I did get gifts from time to time; and we spent time together.

      Now, we are drifted apart, as I mentioned above, he abused me, and says he wants a divorce. We also live in different rooms in the home. We are almost completely seperate households living in the same house. See where I need "red flag" advise?

    • @QA: I have doubts that your husband is a psychopath or a sociopath, and the worst thing about it there are NO red flags! They seem to be all-perfect, nice and good! But it's the mask they wear to hide their total lack of any personality within! I could explain you more but I don't wanna make a wall of text, Google about it, maybe it will provide you some more insight!