Guys, is this a good way to bring this issue up?

So I went on a first date with a guy today and we kissed a few times. he tried for tongue a few times but after telling him twice he stopped because it was making me uncomfortable. I'm just really inexperienced and want to take things slow. Thing is I worry if he just wants the physical stuff. He only wanted to really talk when we were around other people, as soon as we were alone again he would get a lot closer. Once later in the date he pretty much pounced as soon as we were alone again. I feel like we were moving a bit fast for not really knowing much about each other for the date and want to slow down as we get to know each other. Is bringing up the topic next time we hang out by saying I want to take things a bit slower so we can get to know each other, that way we can have a relationship that is not just about the physical. is that an OK way to put it? I don't want to offend him but I am trying to be as honest as I can be.


Most Helpful Guy

  • At times he IS going to be driven totally by hormones. That's life for under ... I dunno, under 50 men. But especially under 30.

    The fact that he desperately wants you physically is NORMAL. What you need to be asking is:

    - does he show interest in you in other ways? It seems like yes - you go out together, you talk then. The 'issue' is that if he's alone with you, his desire to be physical overwhelms.

    - can you two find a path towards being compatible that's slow enough for you and quick enough for him?

    Its fine and good to want a relationship that's not just about the physical, but realize that he wants a relationship that's not just about the emotional/intellectual. Some guys only want the physical part, but those who WANT relationships would still put them almost equal in priority.

    • Well,those guys who want only the physical part, simply manifested a self-fulfilling satisfaction, or in other word, fulfilling his lust to her. A true, sincere and faithful relationship is not just about this thing but rather gives the opportunity of both parties to be respected and to be honored. Therefore, this thing is no longer "love", but a simple "lust".

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What Guys Said 2

  • Well, it's quiet okay, if this thing is alone, most probably it could not suffice pertaining to his understanding... I suggest that you will tell him that a serious relationship is not more particular to physical attribute and to obtain marital satisfaction. If you will tell him, please let him know that if he really loves you, then he will take care of you, because by that manifestations, his actions and deeds are simply suggesting a flesh fulfilment without even an assurance if he remain in you after tasting you. Don't afraid to tell him, just be honest to him if you want an honest relationship with him. Don't be afraid if he'll be offended by your words, a man who truly loves you, remain even if he got hurt. Also, don't afraid if by this you will lose him, if this man is meant for you, then he is truly yours. Thank you.


    • what do you mean that that thing alone does not suffice? not enough explanation from me? sorry I just want to understand what you mean.

      And I was just worried about being polite about explaining it. I go to a small university and don't want to get a reputation for being a bitch without meaning to be mean or insensitive. I often worry too much about how others see me but it helps me not offend as many people in the long run :P

    • By telling him for somehow to slower that concern couldn't suffice what you ought to be done. Because if you are sincere in loving him, you'll really let him understand the relationship as a whole. Don't focus on that thing in slowing, but rather look at the big picture in both of you two relationship. I assure you if he fully understand your relationship then that thing will not be quick because he will take care of you and helps you in preserving your dignity and reputation as an individual.

  • Mention it before the second date . If he likes you , it won't matter.

    • yeah I wanted to get that out in the open the next time I see him. he is hard to read, at times he seemed totally driven by hormones so I stopped on the kissing for a few minutes to give him a little time to calm down. other times during the same date he seemed really sweet and happy to just be talking and getting to know each other. talking about it should clear it up, thanks for your answer

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