Why do guys just stop calling, especially after multiple dates?

i'm really confused and upset. so I've been dating this guy for almost two months. we really hit it off...can talk for hours when we're together...very similar background, same type of baggage from divorce and custody issues, similar families, and we can laugh our asses off...didn't even kiss ti 3rd date which was really nice Because it felt like it was built up tension and the first two dates we really got to know each other. fourth date went amazing he made me dinner we talked til 2 in the morning he didn't try anything I went to leave and well then we both kinda lost it and slept together and I spent the night...and I don't regret it not even now. it felt right. had last date with him last Saturday and spent the night again...left Sunday afternoon. he did say he was going to be swamped this week and he isn't much of a talk/text guy at least up to this point, but I haven't heard from him since last Sunday night. I texted him wed night with just a casual text about checking out a YouTube video when he had the chance...i didn't ask about plans or us I wasn't trying to be clingy I just thought it was funny video. but still haven't heard from him. have I been blown off? he had said Sunday he would plan a fun date for next date so I'm so confused as to why he hasn't even just sent a quick text saying hey...is he done with me? I have a good life and I am busy too but I still would like to hear from him a little bit. I just don't get it. and I'm really easygoing, I'm not clingy at all...i'm always told I'm the perfect type of girlfriend Because I am so easygoing and one of the guys and lets guys be guys and do own thing and I like to do my own thing and spend time with my friends. but now I wonder maybe that just makes me a doormat. I dunno. I'm really confused. I haven't been in dating world again very long Because I was married so long so maybe I'm just naive about these things. but why would a guy who seems so nice do this? after half a dozen dates? it's not like we just had a couple and he disappeared...i just don't get it.

to note, I don't think he's a player...i want to make that clear. and I'm not necessarily saying he is trying to make me feel like doormat...i'm just saying maybe since I'm very easygoing I sometimes get taken for granted. this isn't a anti-guy rant...i'm really trying to understand how guys think...maybe he calls today who knows, I just don't get why I haven't heard from him in five days that's all...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Mayb3e he's not a 'player', but any guy after a divorce is going to 'play the field' a little; he's not going to have an exclusive relationship right away. That's why he didn't push sex, he wanted to evaluate you and other women first.

    I suspect he regrets getting that serious with you even after several dates.

    I mean, that's just a guess, you don't tell us a lot about him.

    So don't expect to have his exclusive attention...he's most likely dating others. He'll get back to you, I'm pretty sure. Not to mention, issues with the ex, custody, the kids, he doesn't have the time a single guy would.

    • well the one thing is we met on a dating site and he hasn't been back on in 3 weeks he had told me he had his fun over summer and was done with all that...i haven't been online either but my friends who are on noticed he hasn't gone back online either since we got physical...is that a good sign that he's not looking for others but maybe just wants to go slow with me?

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    • thank you for all your great advice! well he never called like he said he would today...guess he's just not that into me lol...i'll get over it eventually. thanks again for all your great feedback!

    • Good luck, thanks for the Best Answer!

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What Guys Said 3

  • Time I stop calling is if I have been out there aggressively playing the field and settled on the one I like, been too much of the emotional coward that I am, I don't want to hurt the other girls feelings so I generally try to drop off the radar.

    Not returning calls and making myself scarce from my usual haunts is my standard MO in these circumstances.

    • well it's really crappy to do to someone esp when you've slept with them multiple times...makes a girl feel used and stupid. but I really appreciate you being honest about it...just letting you know though I'd rather as a girl get a text or voice message saying in a nice way that it isn't going to work out than just being ignored. makes me feel cheap. but that's just me.

  • You say you aren't clingy but you're panicking because he didn't respond to a text about a YouTube video?

    You should read your own post more objectively and you'll see exactly how silly you're being. He TOLD YOU he was going to be swamped with work. LET THE MAN WORK.

    • ur totally right I feel so silly now...he got back to me yesterday and I'm so glad I didn't act like this in front of him. chalk it to a silly insecure moment. guess I like him more than I realized lol...

  • what about YOU pick up your stupid phone and call him and stop being like so many girls who f*** up everything because they sit on their asses and as soon as the guy doesn't do what they prefer they get all crazy in their heads and mess up the relationships with negative thinking and lack of action. I like how you say you guys have shared so much and he's prefect, and then right after you start to think he's a player taking you for a doormat.,

    Women, switching from nice to crazy bitches in a split second for centuries

    • that's not fair...i haven't called because he said he was busy this week and I didn't want to put pressure on him about calling me back-that's y I texted him. and last date I brought dinner over and made cookies since he cooked for me last time. so it isn't me not making effort too...he knows I care about him. and I haven't flipped on him and won't...that's y I'm writing here to get it out and get some idea as to how men think.

What Girls Said 3

  • First, you aren't as "easygoing" as you keep saying. You are an anxious person. Relax. Deep breaths.

    Second, he told you he was really busy this week. Give him a break & believe him.

    3rd, shame on him for not calling you at least once, but, he's a guy & he doesn't get how we feel.

    4th, if he doesn't call you today, call him and ask him out. Yep, do it. That isn't being clingy, it's putting your cards on the table. If he is interested in you, he'll go, if not, & he was using you, he'll make excuses.

    He may have doubts, but if you go out, you can talk about it...briefly. Just don't dwell on it. Don't tell him all the feelings that you've had all week. He'll run faster than the wind.


    Good luck.

    • true. and I just went back online...if he doesn't take me seriously why should I take him seriously. I gotta stop romanticizing things...for all I know he's just having some good sex with me and that's it. oh well. wish I wasn't a girl sometimes lol

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    • Exactly! By that I mean use that attitude in a positive way. No more do you have to think 1 guy at a time (dating, I mean). If men can do it, so can we. If they can date around until they find "the 1," so can we. And I do. No, I am not the get around girl, lol, but you keep dating because you don't know who is the 1 for you. Does that make sense? And do not ask him for permission, don't ask him, are we dating others. Until you both talk together about being committed, no need. Men wouldn't. Hang in.

    • thank u! excellent advice! :)

  • give yourself a mental deadline to get in touch then face facts he got what he wanted and has f***ed off like they all do.

    dont waste your time on this silly boy, go out and keep dating you'll hook a decent one soon ;O) but whatever you do, DO NOT call him the ball's in his court now.

    • thank u! yes I agree I shldn't call him! hopefully he calls today but if he doesn't I'll move on if I have to

    • you sound like a nice lady maybe he isn't in the right headspace yet to call, dealing with whatever baggage he has. don't pay attention to the whiney schoolboy opinions on here, got my fingers crossed for you he'll get in touch now it's the weekend ;0)

    • thanks so much! :) in the meantime, I just signed back online to put myself out there. I'm not waiting around for someone who might not really be into me...that's silly and just sets me up for heartbreak. I thought he was into me, but who knows wouldn't be the first time I was wrong lol. I'll update over the weekend if things change I hope they do but not holding my breath!

  • He had a great time and now he is on to his next victim. As far as he is concerned you will be right there when he is ready for you. I wouldn't call, you already made contact by sending him a text. You probably are a great person and he knows that so don't hold yourself to responsible for his inability to tell you straight up that he is just having fun and not looking for anything serious.

    • thanks...hopefully that's not the case but it very well could be. anyway, I just went back online to meet other people...i don't wait around for anyone! :)