Ladies, need your take on a situation... How should I respond?

I dated a a very social, flirt, and beautiful girl for about a month. She has a very active life, but we talked every day for about 2-3 hours on the phone. When a misunderstanding occurred, she didn't like how I handled it and cut off seeing me.

We texted here and there on occasion for a couple weeks after, but it faded off into a month of no contact. It was excruciating for me. It took every ounce of energy I had to not check her Facebook, not text her, not think about her.

On Saturday, she called me - quite randomly - asking about the name of a restaurant we went to on a date. I was curious why she didn't just text to ask, but either way we had a funny and light-hearted conversation for 10 minutes and agreed to meet on Tuesday to catch up.

We confirmed plans via casual texts on Monday... nothing of the flirting variety, pretty straight forward. On Tuesday morning, something changed. She sent a long text asking if we could reschedule because plans changed for her that evening.

I sent her a response about an hour later saying "Yeah, no problem. Just let me know what your week looks like and we can reschedule."

That night, she responded saying "wonderful, thanks."

And that was it. I was disappointed she made no effort to plan for another day, but I know I did nothing wrong. I was pretty casual about it, and she definitely seemed fine with the plans the night before.

There hasn't been any contact since then. I figured she got cold feet and the worst thing I can do is chase her. Am I right, or should I make a casual effort to schedule it again?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I know you said ladies, but I think I can help you out a bit here. First. 2-3 hours on the phone a day? That's a big no. If I had 0 interest in pursuing any sort of relationship with her, I could understand that maybe. All the time you spent talking on the phone with her, was stuff you want to be talking to her about in person. Next, 2-3 hours everyday says you're way too available, and that's not a good message to send. At best they won't mind, but usually that's not attractive. She's living an active lifestyle, which means that 2-3 hours on the phone is probably when it's most convenient for her. If that's the case, it speaks that much more to the idea you don't have an active life.

    Judging by the Facebook/texting/thinking about her bit, you got too attached too fast. Don't get me wrong, I get it. I've been there. But that's the same reason I know you've made some mistakes, because I've done it.

    Fun light-hearted 10 minute conversation where you made plans to catch up. That's perfect. That's what a phone call is suppose to be about in the early stages. Now, when it came to confirming plans on Monday. If you did it, I would disagree with that and wait until the next day mid-day. If she did it, then that's fine to confirm obviously.

    Now when she canceled on you, that's could be a red-flag. You could be the back-up plan now. Again, I know from experience. Given how available you made yourself since the beginning there's a decent change you're the back up plan guy. Been there. There's a chance she genuinely had something come up, but whenever that happened to me, the girl made plans to see me again, and I didn't have to try to reschedule.

    So the answer is no. You don't try and reschedule. She canceled on you. You do NOT chase her. In fact, I would suggest assuming that there's no chance for you with this specific girl and get rid of any expectations you might have about going anywhere with her. I say assume no chance because it's so much easier to just move on instead of digging yourself out of the hole-of-mistakes. We make mistakes, it happens. Easier to start fresh with another woman than try to wiggle your way out of a hole. If she reschedules, why not? But go into it with no expectations. Take this experience as a lesson learned.

    This is all from first hand experience, mistakes I made, and things I learned from them.

    • As painful as it is to admit, I agree with 100% of what you said.

      It was me that reached out on Monday to confirm plans for the next day, but it was only to nail down the details. Should I normally leave that kind of thing to confirm the day of?

    • Yeah, if you have plans for like 7pm, wait till like noon-3 to confirm. I think that gives you enough time to make other plans if the person bails. Doing it the day before is just too early to me. If they bail on you after confirming, their excuse better be good and generally a person only gets one mulligan from that.

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What Girls Said 1

  • There are some good points made by youknowthatguy. At the same time all people are different and though chatting on the phone for 2-3 hours every day is a bit much for me some like it and if she really didn`t want to talk to you for that long then she wouldn`t.

    There is one important part of this story missing and that is what the misunderstanding was. After whatever that was she for some reason stopped being interested in you.

    Her phoning you to get a restaurant name could be simply she liked the restaurant and needed the name right away to pass it on or go there herself. The plans she made with you to meet up just might have been out of obligation. Either way if she wanted to be there Tuesday then she would have. If something important came up then she would have rescheduled shortly after cancelling.

    As for checking to see if you your still a go a day before might be a little early and could say your either eager or use to her/others cancelling.

    You shouldn`t reschedule and should move on. Whatever happened previous changed everything and no matter how hard you try or how innocent it was you can`t go back and change it.

    • The misunderstanding was that she wanted me to call her one weekend. When I called and left a message, she called back the next day (left no message). As it turns out, I never got it. She thought I was trying to ignore her, and I was trying to give her space over that weekend.

      She called me again the next day, but it was a few days after I'd left a message for her and I didn't want to seem over-eager about responding... So by the time we did talk, she had a bad vibe and called it off.

    • That is one of the most common misunderstandings. She seems to have put up a wall now which makes things difficult. If you really like her then give it another shot and if she doesn't let the wall down then all you can do is let go. Good luck

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