Is me being around really a good idea for either of them right now after this mess?

So long story short I met this girl when her roommate started showing interest in me. I quickly befriended all 5 of the girls living there and eventually started dating the girl who had initially brought me there, Kate. Thing is her roommate Erica I think also likes me. Back when I first started coming over (a year ago now) she had kept inviting me to dance with her at their parties and the jazz clubs we went to. She'd yell my name and tackle hug me whenever she saw me in public. When we went to a bar one night and came back to their place, Erica, Kate and I all fell asleep snuggled up together in a massive chair.

Eventually though things got serious between Kate and I, and Erica backed off. We were still very friendly though and she's the one who told me 6 months ago when Kate cheated on me with her ex boyfriend. I fought with Kate, broke up with her, and not even a week later she was back with her ex, an abusive b*stard fresh out of a prison stay.

A month ago I got a panicked call from Erica late one night. Evidently Kate's ex/current boyfriend had told her that unless she (erica) sleeps with him he's going to break up with Kate, and if she refuses him again 'bad things' were gonna start happening to everyone. 2 weeks and a hell of a mess later Kate is getting counseling for abuse, her ex is in jail again for 10 years, and Erica thinks I'm a hero.

Since then Erica keeps messaging me with random updates on how Kate is doing, since I actually consoled Kate the day she testified against her ex/bf. She's been seriously abused and I'm not heartless enough to ditch a crying girl after that bs. Erica keeps insisting I need to hang out with them all again when I come back since they've all missed me terribly and things evidently haven't been the same since I left them when I broke up with kate in April.

Is this really the time though? There's the ex who admitted during this mess she 'still missed me' and I can't hate her anymore after seeing what happened, and her roommate who is attractive and funny but was also just involved in this mess...


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  • This is not a mess, this is life. You've got a crew of what is evidently badass and somewhat free-spirited friends who are extremely desirous of your friendship. They want you, they're actually asking for you to come back, that doesn't happen to a person very often in this life. Alright, there was some trouble, some trouble arose. But trouble always arises, your friendship with them should be stronger than that. Nows the time you can all rebuild whatever you had, and that's a very important part of a true, lasting friendship. When things fall apart, you put them back together. It might avoid you some vex to avoid them, yes. Perhaps a lot of vex. But these people clearly care about you, and obviously want to be friends for life, and they sound like very unique people, to me. I wouldn't throw that away in exchange for a few months without vex.

    • Aaaaah waiiit, you're worried about THEM. Sorry, I thought you were like... Well, no for their sake it's the same situation, just reversed. As I said, they're clearly desirous of your friendship, a serious and life-lasting friendship. If they say they want you, they want you. And as I said somewhere in there... 'Nows the time you can all rebuild whatever you had.' And it really is. Only from ashes rebirth the pheonix, yes?

  • Wow, sounds like quite the mess. I'm sorry for both of you. I don't see a problem with you hanging out with them if you actually want to, and if you say what's up. If you don't have any interest in being with Kate again, I would let her know very plainly that you are just going to be there as a platonic friend.

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