Started online dating and a little confused?

what are the normal "steps" of online long till you give the guy your number? how long should you wait till going on a date? how long till you go to his house? how can you make sure you're being as safe as possible? I mean there's no verification they even are named what they tell you! I have guys left and right asking me questions, and some are so old! is it rude to say if you're over 29 don't write me on my profile? some write how are you I answer and they want my that normal? HELP PLEASE!

thanks very much guys made me feel lots better :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • I only know one guy who did a lot of online dating (when single) and was 'effective' at it - i.e. got lots of good dates.

    He'd browse profiles and ones he liked, he'd send them a short note asking them to coffee/drink. Immediately. There might end up being some back and forth, but he'd ask to meet right away. He told me that online dating is just weird, and the way to make it less weird is to get it offline as quickly as possible. There are of course plenty of people on online dating sites who are just there to flirt and get attention, so it weeds them out. People who are actually looking to meet, based on your profile, should be able to tell if they want to invest half an hour in meeting you. Talking a lot before meeting is sort of a waste of time - if things don't flow in person, its not going anywhere.

    i'd guess he'd do the quick 'drinks/coffee' thing, then a proper date after that, and since he was a manwhore, there was a pretty good chance he'd end up back at his place after that. But not necessarily.

    I wouldn't give out a number, I'd check out their profile and see if you want to meet for a drink. If it goes badly, you don't see them again. You're going to get a much better feel for them in person then talking back and forth online.

    • As one who did some significant online dating and indeed met great gals, including my wife there, this answerer has the right idea.

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What Guys Said 2

  • The big thing in the online world, especially for women, is security. Don't give him your number. Block Caller ID and call him (I believe it's *67 or something like that). Always meet in very public places. Starbucks and IHOP are good since they almost all have surveillance. That stops any he said, she said kind of issues. No identifying information beyond first name until you meet them and feel comfortable. Let him leave first so there's no chance of you being followed. Park away from the door so your car isn't easily identified. Some gals ask for name, address, and driver's license number and do a background check. That's a little over the top but I never refused to go through it if she was worth it. I have nothing major to hide and the safer she feels, the better my odds. As for the criteria, you get to choose. You can say no one over 29. I said, not in so many words, no fat girls, no bozo's. I got some heat but it stopped girls from misrepresenting themselves. That can be a problem. Ask for a photo if there isn't one and ask how old the photo is. Just be careful and have a good time.

  • It's chaos. No, it's not rude to not reply to people older than you're comfortable dealing with, not replying is standard on dating sites. And the rules are havoc, we're all improvising as we go along. Like, I contacted a girl, we exchanged about seven messages back and forth before I got her number, we texted, then met within a week of first talking.

    And we met at her house, actually. And despite her saying she'd just give a small kiss if she had a fun first date, we ended up having sex. That's actually a lot of attitudes towards meeting online, especially okcupid, that a lot of time it will be sex on first if the chemistry is there.


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