How do I ask him what his intentions are without sounding stupid?

So I've been seeing this guy for about the last month, I knew him from high school. I've always had a crush on him but he was always so intimidating to me. He's a couple years older and way more experienced in just about everything, especially in the bedroom. I would talk to him occasionally about guy problems and he would of course always end up bragging about how good he was with women, and how he had girls that wanted/would sleep with him regularly. I would tease him about it often, and we'd joke about who he may/may not have slept with.

Now it's not so funny anymore, and I'm not sure what to make of it. It had been a while since we talked and we aren't in school anymore, but I told him I liked him and he said he liked me too, and we should hang out. He's taken me to three movies and we've done dinner a couple times. He told me he doesn't normally take girls out, but I don't know if he's just saying that or what? He's like a giant teddy bear, he's sweet and cuddly and what every girl probably dreams of. But I don't want to get played. We've talked a lot, he's asked about my family and he even asked me how many kids I wanted to have, and he explained his ideal life, and all his goals, how much he loved kids. I've stayed with him a couple nights, and we've only had sex once. He's very respectful.

How do I know what he wants? I don't want to offend him by asking, I feel silly that I don't know whether it's just a friends with benefits type thing. I've never had a boyfriend before and its embarrassing for me. And I feel like now I want it so bad...I might be tricking myself into thinking there's something where there's nothing. I don't want to ruin a good thing but I feel like I'm going to get hurt either way. What should I do? How do I ask him what his intentions are without sounding stupid?


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What Guys Said 1

  • When it comes to exploits on the high seas, some men (definitely not all) will exaggerate their way to the next galaxy and back, with most of it largely untrue. It is usually to impress the girl who is listening as a form of pursuit. That girl would be you. A guy with lots of 'real' life experience will have scars in his heart that temper the tongue and will have accumulated secrets to bear in silence.

    Regardless of whatever showboating he is into, he sounds like he isn't too bad at the relationship game. He has been respectful and an engaged partner, taking you out and so on. The whole "usually doesn't take girls out" is just to make you feel special, as though you are a cut above his "other" (probably imagined) girls. Just let it slide. Let him enjoy it, and pretend you are impressed if you aren't. He will like that =-)

    Now to answer your question: I think he wants a relationship because he told you (in your words paraphrased) "his goals, his ideal of life, and his preference for children."

    I don't know why you would tell an FWB these things. Your relationship is young (a month, right?) -- that is the time to lay down the cards, which he is doing, to set expectations in the relationship. It is to prevent you from buying a product he isn't selling. He wants you to know what you are getting and what you will not be getting if he tells you these things.

    My advice is to start laying down a few cards of your own. Not the whole hand, but if you leave him surprised at the basics later on in, it could make both of you unhappy.


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