Dating someone and having doubts?

I'm 17, it's my first relationship. I've had a lot of hookups and short unofficial things, and I'm used to being a single girl who a lot of guys like. After spending over a month sort of seeing this boy, we started dating a couple weeks ago. A couple days before, I kissed another boy who was leaving for college. Still at this point, I have little crushes on other boys... like I care what other guys who have expressed interest in me or who I have liked think about me. The guy I'm with is nice, cool, and I can trust him. We don't know each other super well, and he's not the most attractive guy. Last night we had sex for the first time; he's been with other girls, but it was my first time. I've honestly been so close so many times that it didn't seem like anything to me. I didn't expect it to be good sex. It was pretty bad and short. I just don't feel any closer to him. This will sound bad to a lot of people, but I can't help feeling kind of happy to just have finally done it, because I wasn't necessarily waiting for the right guy, just a guy who cared about me, who I was exclusive with at the time so I wouldn't feel judged, easy, used, or like I've put it off so much for nothing, and who wouldn't turn around and hurt me. In that way, I guess I could care less about losing it to him in particular. The timing just felt good. It was kind of a relief. At this point, I can see us breaking up and me being fine. Maybe it's because I don't know him well enough, and it just seems like I could have what we have right now with a lot of other guys. I'm so used to being single and flirting that this is all so weird and confusing to me. I feel like I want him, but at the same time I want to be single, too. Then again, sometimes I really like being with him, but since I'm feeling this other way, I feel like maybe I'd feel that way with any good guy. I've had chances with other guys, but he's the only one who has wanted to date me that I have actually wanted to date, too. Maybe I've just had so many short things go wrong that I've taught myself not to be attached to anyone who matters. Advice please?


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  • you're young, if you aren't so sure about him might as well play the field

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