Dating tips please (for a coffee/lunch date). How do I get her to like me?

Basically I want advice from girls (or successful guys) on how to make dates (especially coffe/lunch dates) go well for both of us and how to get her to like me. Is there any behavior I should do or avoid? Anything I should or shouldn't talk about? etc.


*****Background story if you want to read it...*****

I met and kissed a girl in a club before Christmas but I was seeing someone else so I didn't take it any further. She was a friend of a friend, we barely spoke, just danced with each other a bit then kissed... for about 15 minutes before I decided I shouldn't take it any further.

A week later (after 'breaking up' with the other girl) we went out for coffee... basically a date. We chatted for about an hour. There were one or 2 awkward silences and it ended with a very awkward hug. Overall I don't think it went that well, but I learned that she had a lot of the same interests as me and seemed pretty cool so I text her asking her out for dinner. She said she was too busy for dinner but could maybe do lunch one day the next week. I thought maybe she wasn't interested but said that she should let me know when she was free for lunch. I never heard anything from her about lunch so I assumed she didn't like me at all and didn't pursue it any more.

At 11pm on Friday night she text me saying "Everyone won't stop talking about you tonight! Ha ha hope you had a good break x". It turned out she'd been with the same friends she had been with on the night that we met and they'd been laughing about us 2 kissing. I asked if she wanted to go out for lunch and she said yes. So basically, it's kind of a second date, but a long time after the first one!

On the first date and whenever we've text, I found it a bit difficult because she didn't really ask me questions. For example, I asked what she was studying, what she was doing for Christmas etc and she didn't ask me any of those questions. Sometimes I'd just tell her anyway just to make conversation because if not there was just an awkward silence. So overall I felt that I was talking about myself when she wasn't really interested and I was asking her loads of questions almost like I was interrogating her, but I just was trying to fill the silences.

So firstly I'm wanting any general advice you can give me on how to make her like me (because I really do think that we could get on really well and we have A LOT in common) so we can hopefully go on a few more date. And secondly, I'm particularly wanting advice on things to talk about and how to make the conversation flow more smoothly; if I should talk about myself when she doesn't ask and if I should keep asking her questions or what?

If you've read all this then thanks, I look forward to hearing your answers :)

Thanks for all your answers. The date was today and it went so much better. I followed all your advice - being a lot more relaxed and having a very positive attitude, not worrying about whether I was making a brilliant impression or not and just being myself and accepting that if it didn't go well, it wasn't the end of the world, asking her lots of questions and trying to figure out if she actually liked me or not... and it went so much better than the first date. And I'm going to use our...
...common interest to ask her to the cinema next week to see a film we both said we'd like to watch.

So thank you all, I'm a very happy man :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well I did read the entire post and I wish you luck. I'm not too happy to have read about you making out with this girl while you were seeing someone else but that is for another post. I'm also not a big fan of relationships starting at a club, but I know that isn't what you want to hear.

    As for the lunch date, I suggest being yourself. It just seems like such a waste to work on a facade when (if things go well) she will eventually learn the real you anyway. If you have common interest, bring them up! :P "So I hear you are into ____ too."

    Her not bothering to ask you questions the first time around could have been any number of things including shyness, a lack of interest, or just social awkwardness. I'd suggest using this second date to judge whether or not she vibes with you or is just passing the time. Maybe use your common interest as a platform for a third outing "We should check out ___ next week."

    Good luck!

    • Thanks for reading it all. Interestingly, I asked a question ( link about meeting someone new while you're seeing one person after I kissed this girl and 75% of people said it was OK to 'see' more than one person at a time. Anyway, I appreciate you answering even though you don't agree with how the 'relationship' started.

      You're completely right, I will see how this date goes before deciding for...

    • definite if she likes me or not and I like your idea of using a common interest for a 3rd date.

      Thanks :)

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What Girls Said 1

  • duude why did you kiss her if you were seeing someone else? I'm guessing that's why you're not with her anymore, you don't deserve to be anyway.

    sounds like this girl isn't that interested in you, if you want my opinion. but, if you really like her and see it going somewhere, talk about her more. ask her loads of questions, she sounds quite self-centered and would probably enjoy talking about herself. convo will flow great :)

    • I realize your question was rhetorical but I'm going to answer it anyway. I kissed her because I felt a connection with her and it was too good to ignore. I then 'came to my senses' and stopped because I felt that what I was doing was wrong... however most people think it was actually ok... see my old question link for more detail.

      The weird thing is, she doesn't seem at all self-centred. She...

    • seems really down to earth, a laid back kinda person. She talked about herself a bit when I asked her questions, but didn't go on about herself. She just didn't really make much convo at all. Hence why I thought she wasn't interested. I was more worried that I would seem self-centred by talking about myself when she didn't even ask! But I'll try asking her lots of questions anyway and maybe just see if she asks me anything or not. I guess if she doesn't and conversation doesn't flow then I...

    • should just accept that no matter how perfect she seems in other ways, it isn't going to work.

      Thanks for your answer :)

What Guys Said 1

  • Just do your best to enjoy yourself. Emotions are contagious.

    Also keep in mind humans can really only focus on one main stream of thought at a time. If she's nervous and worrying about her impression on you, like it sounds, she's not really paying attention to all the little things you might screw up.

    • Great comment that 'emotions are contagious'. I've heard "smiles are contagious" before and I've tried that and I believe they are, so you're probably right about emotions too. I'll try to relax and go in with a positive attitude and hopefully it will rub off on her too :)