Do you find online dating kills your confidence?

It feels like everyone thinks you're ugly or something (well for me it does). Would like to hear your opinion on this matter?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Online dating is a numbers game. When I first started it seemed to me that it was more like a menu to me. Here were all of these girls that were interested in meeting guys, and here I am a nice looking guy that has a lot going for him, so I will get a lot of dates. I quickly realized this was not the case. This did not ruin my confidence level, it just made me look at the whole process differently.

    The ratio of guys to girls on most dating sites, is very lopsided towards guys. As a result girls (even the less attractive ones) get inundated with a lot tons of emails. I have heard this can be exhausting for the girls. But also when so many different guys email the girl it gives girl the opportunity to be much more picky than they otherwise could be. Some things that I have found helpful are:

    1. If a new girl signs up message her quickly, and try and beat the wave of emails from other guys

    2. Canned messages get a bad rep, but are very useful. I sometimes got to the point where I had to write a different "clever" message to every girl I was interested in. It is almost impossible to to to write something that will be unique from every other guys email. Further this is a time consuming process, and I often let laziness stop me from emailing certain girls. Having a canned email that only requires you modify 10-20% for each girl, is easier, quicker and more effective. Email a lot of girls, to and test out different canned messages.

    3. Don't email a girl and say, I am exactly what you are looking for. When you email I girl who's profile says "I want a guy that is X, Y, and Z" and you say "I am X, Y and Z" you come off needy. I have more success when I say "your profile interests me, let's see if we are compatible" than saying I am exactly what you are looking for.

    4. On your profile make sure that you don't have any pictures with other girls (I learned this one the hard way).

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 7

  • honestly I think online dating just makes people seem desperate so don't they not have confidence to begin with? maybe that's just me. but really the people who find you in online dating have a picture to see don't they? so if they choose you without knowing you it's obviously based on your appearance so you can't be too ugly.

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  • Actually, it gives me confidence. I've only had the "geeky" guys like him, and super old guys like me which was creepy. On those online games, I've had guys really like me. I think it's because they are able to judge me on my personality before looks. I don't think I'm the prettiest, but I don't think I'm ugly. But obviously no guy I've ever liked has ever liked me so there's probably something about my appearence..

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  • Well, not really, because my confidence doesn't rely on what other people think of my looks. I understand where you're coming from though, especially if you get tons of profile views yet no messages. But the thing is, people could have found one little thing they didn't like about you and then moved on. I think people are pickier when they have all of that info right in front of them. Easier to judge. But you can't please everyone anyway.

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  • Well, it sure ruins mine, people laugh in my face when I show them any pic of me (online of course) so, I've totally quit online dating, it really hurts, because everyone thinks the ycan do better, it sux

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  • well I don't have confidence in online dating because it makes me realize that no matter how great a person seems you never know until you meet in person. I just hate it.

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  • I don't know ... I had an OK experience with it. No worse or better than dating in real life. But then, I'm in my late twenties and most of the people on my age range are on there because they work so damn much they don't find time to socialize. Its a different dynamic, I think.

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  • No I could get dates in real life. I don't need to look online.

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What Guys Said 2

  • If you are a Male who is not in the top 10-20% in terms of looks, money, material possessions etc., online dating is a confidence crusher in the 1st world. Online dating is completely skewed towards females who by comparison are not really required to promote themselves other than by showing up and posting a barely-populated profile with a picture. Mathematically, the odds of you finding someone if you are a decent looking, employed, average male are low to nonexistent. The sad part is that there is nothing wrong with you, western society has devolved into a much more vapid wasteland in the last 20 years. I blame Reality TV.

    Only the top 10 to 20% of online male profiles among the males will get any attention or responses. This has been proven by time and again via numerous experiments on multiple dating sites/apps. The numbers significantly decrease as you age - especially when you're over 40 - the best way to hack this is to not play at all. Instead, travel to Southeast Asia, Eastern Europe or Latin America and you will find the skew is completely the other way and you'll actually be pursued by females rather than the reverse. Add to this that in North America there is a 52%+ probability that any marriage will end in divorce. With 70%+ of those divorces being initiated by women. Basically you would be insane to try and date a woman in North America, let alone marry one. Save your money and travel abroad - once you see the difference you will never look back and waste your time on what is essentially a rigged game. Good luck.

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  • yeah it does, obviously that is worse for guys

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