What if i'm lonely and ready?

So I read this thing on this list about Things to Stop Doing to Yourself and one of the things on the list was:

"Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else." and also this: "Relationships must be chosen wisely. It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. There’s no need to rush. If something is meant to be, it will happen – in the right time, with the right person, and for the best reason. Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely." I really want a boyfriend and I never have had one and I am 19. And I am not fully happy with myself and I have many regrets and I don't like myself all that much a lot of the time and I beat myself up too much...but I don't think that should be reason I should not be in a relationship. I mean I am lonely when it comes to boys because I don't have one for just me...but I feel I am also ready for a boyfriend as well..even though I don't love myself or accept myself as best I can. Is it possible to have a great long lasting relationship if you are not fully happy with yourself inside and don't love yourself? or is it impossible? I mean I don't expect my boyfriend when I get him to fix all my problems so it won't be me being needy or anything. But I don't know. I want a boyfriend out of loneliness and readiness. Does it not work that way? If you are lonely...will getting a boyfriend not get rid of the loneliness? My Mom says I should work on myself first before I get a guy but I feel like that will take forever because I'm so stubborn and not ready to face all my demons...but I don't want to never get a boyfriend just because I don't like myself...I mean if anything...I'll love my future boyfriend more because I don't have much love for myself. I know it is twisted..but..HELP. :/


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, becoming perfect before starting a relationship is something that doesn't happen. That article's advice has good inspiration, but isn't really worded well. I think they just mean if you have all kinds of crazy issues, getting tangled up with someone else's issues = more issues.

    This doesn't mean you have to have every problem in your life 100% solved or reaching some kind of zen inner happiness is necessary first.

    Anyway, men pickup on self-loathing, and they like smiles. So every time you are tempted to self-loath, just smile instead (even if it is a little forced). A real bonus might be finding out what is causing the self-loathing, but I suspect it will surface quickly when you deny it its self-loathyness (that is totally not a word).

    So the reason why they portray cupid and as little winged angel that sneaks up behind people and hits them with an arrow is because love pretty much "sneaks" up on people when they are not looking for it, or prepared for it. They are going about their business and then, bam, like someone just shot them they are suddenly in a loving relationship.

    The deal goes like this. Smile when you want to self-loathe. Live your life and be relaxed. Show cupid your back. Let him have a good shot at you. It will come before you know it.

    • Alright I'll try my best. Thanks. I mean when I am in public even if I self-loathe...I smile more. I mean I doubt many people are aware of how sad I am about a lot of things. It's hard to ignore it though...not having a boyfriend yet adds to my already self-loathing I do here and there. I've tried my best to just live my life and all that. But sometimes I slip...and it hurts all over again. I'm good at acting happy and cheerful and being positive all the time...but I don't feel that way inside.

    • Show All
    • Congrats again. I hope my responses have helped you on your current path, but the reality is you did all the work and the overcoming yourself. If they actually did help, please rate 'best answer'. Remember that you are worthy of being loved by God and by men. Cheers.

    • Thanks. =)

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