Why does this girl do this? I'm so confused on how to assess this situation?

Why do girls text you and not respond when you do? I got a text from a girl. It was a band and song title. We have done this in the past a lot. I text back after about an hour since I don't want to seem so available but she never responded. Why do women send random messages and not respond. I sometimes feel its an easy excuse to say "hey" but without putting themselves out there. Below I've listed the history between the girl and I.

This is a girl that I like and had a fling with but she moved. We stayed in touch and I went to visit 3 months after her move. I went down there unsure but it was like she had never left. We acted like a couple and things were great. After I came home contact started to fade on her end, and when she was home for Thanksgiving she didn't meet up with me like she had said. This then lead into a "what are we" convo to which she said we were just friends and that she didn't want to do distance. Well that hurt me since her and I seemed to hit it off so well, but I understand the skepticism in a distance thing. Well I stopped contacting her since she said she didn't want a romantic relationship. 3 weeks later I received a Christmas card. Pretty generic except it contained the words "you've been on my mind." I felt that was an unnecessary line to include due to our history. I sent a card back, very short. I didn't hear anything back for a couple weeks and decided to call her. I figured no loss, since I do like her. I called and she picked up. Other than the surprised answer she gave, the conversation was really normal and comfortable. Since then (3 weeks) we have been texting pretty often each week. Pretty platonic stuff I guess. But times on Friday nights she texted me the entire night. Last Friday we started texting at 1pm and it stopped at 12am(1am her time). I find it interesting that she is doing that on a Friday especially when she told me she's going to a friends. At one point last Friday the texting stopped for an hour. Then she sent a message saying "I miss home." I told her "home misses you too." She then said she would be back in a few years. Then said she'd be home for her birthday in 5 months. Then she said she was going to bed. I find it interesting that she confides in me these things but I don't know what it means. I am very leery of why she contacts me. I don't know if she's contacting me because she's lonely or missing me. I also wonder if she has been contacting me a lot recently because she realizes how much she misses me, but I don't know and its hard. I don't want to be so available to her since she ended the romantic side of our relationship but I also don't want to act disinterested and come off as I don't care.

We hadn't talked since last Friday night until today (Wednesday) when she texted me a song to listen to. I waited for a little over an hour to respond just saying "I'll have to check it out" and then "nice song" after I listened to it a half our later. But I got no reply. WTF? Why'd she text me?

I'm also trying to figure out if I want to send her a card or text for Valentine's Day. I am very cautious about doing anything romantic to her since she ended things. I don't want to make myself that vulnerable again and I don't want it to make her feel uncomfortable, but part of me wants to send something. I do know its her one of her favorite holidays but I also feel the holiday is for couples and she didn't want that from me before so part of me says I shouldn't send her anything.
So we've texted and emailed a few times since my last update. She texted me to ask for updates to a game on Saturday while she was babysitting. I mean she could have checked her smart phone for updates. Tonight I get home and see that she as reactivated her Facebook account(deactivated 4months ago) and writes on my wall "you now have rights to creep on me again." Part of me doesn't know if I should respond, other part of feels like saying something like "looks like you're already creeping on me
So she has texted & emailed me since last update. I finally decided to call her last night. We talked for 2 hrs. I guess that is a positive that we can talk that long but I don't come away sure she has feelings for me. There are a lot of laughs & semi serious topics discussed but I think I need to be more strategic as a listener. There was a point where she mentioned how work was really frustrating a couple of weeks ago & she contemplated quitting & moving home. I should have asked more about it.


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • If you wait one hour to reply to her text, it will most likely make her feel like she she's least on your priority list. Sure, she can also figure you were busy, but if she is sensitive like me, she might not reply because she feels like since you have better things to do than text her back, she should too. She doesn't want to embarrass herself and appear like she cares too much if the feeling isn't mutual. Think about it. Hope this helps! :)

    • She eventually responded with another music suggestion, but I don't know how to respond. I mean thanks for the suggestion but I'd prefer a conversation not song titles. I mean I could listen and reply "their great" but I already did that. And if I start to deviate into a new topic then I'm leading and like I mentioned before I feel she should be leading since she killed the relationship. I'm scared to give her too much attention. I want her to earn it. Not to punish her but not seem too easy.

    • I think your reading way too much into this. Just stop caring so much because if she makes you feel that worried by her actions, I'm sure you can find someone more suitable for you. If you want to start a conversation with her, then just do it and don't think twice about it. When you stop worrying so much and just do, you'll see it doesn't even matter that much in the end. Also stop caring so much what she thinks of you, it will just mess with your head. People make judgments all the time

    • even you do, and if you constantly worry about trying to read their mind, you'll drive yourself crazy! Just be yourself and if someone makes you feel stupid for being yourself, then they clearly aren't the right mesh for you.

  • Because you were on her mind and she wanted to be on yours...from the sounds of it you basically answered your own question "I also wonder if she's contacting me a lot recently because she realizes how much she misses me" there's your answer, plus she doesn't want to lose you as a friend either because she seems to have some feelings for you that's why she's doing all that. She kind of even told you she missed you when she said she misses home ie she misses you

    • Well she responded like an hour later, but very brief. I responded brief...no response.I guess I struggle with being "just a friend." I mean its all we can do right now but I don't want to act like I'm OK with just being that. I don't want to be like a gay best friend. She knows I wanted more before but she called an end to things, so I feel like she has to be the one that changes the rules since she set them. I don't want to be a lap dog but I also don't want to push her away by being distant.

    • So I responded and again no response...now I'd say she isn't going to respond back at all since its so late. Its so inconsistent. Friday it was 10 hrs of texting and tonight its a few texts and its not conversational at all. I don't know what I'm supposed to do about it. It like I wait for her to reach out to me so I know she's making the effort not just responding to me if I reached out to her. But then she doesn't really give me much when she does.

What Guys Said 0

Be the first guy to share an opinion
and earn 1 more Xper point!

Loading... ;