Multiple Online-Dating Matches: Should they know?

I am doing the online dating thing and have fortunately been able to meet and date 4 men in the last couple of weeks from this service. I have just gone on one date with each thus far and am not sure if I should tell them about each other. Truthfully, I have never been this lucky with finding great guys and I plan to continue dating all of them until I find something wrong with them or one of them sweeps me off of my feet. I figure that they are meeting other women too, but I would like to know if or when I should bring this up in conversation on our next dates. Until now, I have never dated more than one guy at a time because I never dated through a service like this before and so in a way I kind of feel "sneaky" dating so many at one time.

Should I bring this to their attention? If so, when? Will they be offended?

Also, for the guys, if I kissed more than one guy while dating and I end up in a relationship with one, will he be offended that I experimented with other guys while I was with him (only kissing)?

BTW, I don't kiss on first dates...


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hey Girl,

    So your liking the whole idea of online dating hey? Well I have some advice for you, most of which I think you like and most of which I don't think the guys will =)

    So you ask is it ok for you to date heaps of guys at the same time? I think that provided that you haven't told any of them that you want to date them exclusively then its completely fine! Essentially its like being single, because no one has asked for your commitment yet.

    Not only does this situation work really well in your favor. It means that you will appear more attractive to guys that are in your normal life as well. The thing about when we start dating a lot, we tend to get into the groove. Going on more dates and being adored by all these diff men, makes it so much more easier to smile at a cute guy that walks past you, because your self confidence is much higher. Dating lots of guys at the same time, I give it the thumbs up. Works well for the guy as well, because he doesn't feel like there is any pressure on him from you to get him into a committed relationship. The more space you give him the more than he will want to be with you neways =)

    You want to know if you should tell the other guys? Well I would say tell them when you need to tell them. So once you start going on a couple of dates you will get a feel for the ones that you like better. If after the third date that you have found that you are not interested in a particular guy and you don't want to date him anymore, then simply be upfront with him and tell him that you are no longer available for dates anymore. But you only say that, when you have to make a decision. If all is going well, then you don't have to create any unnecessary drama. Its perfectly fine for you to date multiple people at a time, in fact most of all dating books suggest this anyways.

    Course some of the guys that like you more than you like them might feel a little rejected, but they will appreciate you being a little more assertive and upfront with them, rather than leading them on. Dating is like going for that great job. Just because you had a really great interview with one company, doesn't mean that you don't accept another interview from another .. because you haven't gotten the job yet!!! So at then end of the day you giving yourself the widest possibility of finding someone who is a better match for you.

    Good on you =) N all the best with the whole dating thing

    Hot Alpha Female

    • Wow, sounds like you have had some experience in this field. I think you hit the nail on the head! Thanks!

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 2

  • I think that multiple dates is built into the online thing. It's different than the traditional approach in which you pick one person and work on that relationship. I agree with your theory that they are (possibly) dating other women too. I don't think you are being "sneaky" because it's out in the open - everyone is trying to meet as many possible options as they can. I think it's sweet that you are asking about it, but I believe it's fair to date all four until you decide.

    Telling them only adds pressure. I would only bring it up when you make your choice. And make sure he is in line with you, then form lasting relationship.

    Kissing is fine.

  • You're in a difficult situation. On the one hand, you've created for yourself a fear to commit to one guy. Now imagine that all four of the guys are in the same situation--dating multiple girls and afraid to commit. At some point, one or both of you must break the cycle and focus on the relationship.

    Kissing is probably okay, but you should exercise caution when taking it further if you haven't narrowed down your selection. You should be willing to answer questions about what you're doing regarding dating with some degree of honesty, since I imagine you would expect the same honesty in return. So, you'll necessarily have to limit what you do with each guy so that the others don't have to hear about any unpleasant surprises.


What Girls Said 2

  • They are only dates you met online, unless of course you are committed to one of them, if you are only dating these guys, you owe them no explanations. If you end up in a relationship with one of the guys, there is no need to tell the other guys anything, but," I have met someone, and it was nice meeting you, it's not like these guys are your "MAN, or your boyfriend, or your husband, these are only guys you have chosen to meet, and make-out with, I think you should focus more on whether those guys have someone else, or if they are making out with more girls than you, and if kissing these strangers, is kosher, because, everything that looks good isn't, and if you haven't known these guys very long, or know nothing much about them, don't be so quick to stick your tongue down their throats, try focusing on one, maybe one actually will like you because you didn't make out with him.

  • No tell them now before it gets too deep. This is almost the exact same situation I'm in. I wish I would have started out the relationship based on revealing the truth because it gets harder and although you're not lying you aren't being totally honest. I have to now tell two guys that I'm in a relationship with another guy and uuuh we should be friends. Maybe you should casually ask them "I was just wondering if you were seeing other people, you know, keeping your options open or solely concentrating on me"? They will probably ask "how about you" so then you can tell them. Don't wait though because it can get worse and unless you plan on dodging or ignoring the others later like me just tell them. Less trouble