i've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 months. I'm 19, and he's 21. both our first relationship. at first things were great, but I would always overanalyze things he did and would try my best not to be clingy. but now, since I'm away at a different school, I've been trying extra hard to keep our relationship together, and he hasn't really been matching it because he said that I need to focus on school and we can make time when have it since we're both busy. I've visited him twice and he came once, a few days before Valentine's day and went out and he got me a gift, but when Valentine's day actually rolled around, he didn't say anything, he just went asleep. and said we can't see each other until my spring break when I come down. I find myself overreacting and over analyzing a lot but I feel like he isn't trying as hard and I'm too avaliable for him and always is his beck and call, because I'm so insecure. I wanted to wait to have sex, but when he said that he was ready, I jumped at the chance to go ahead and have sex even though I wasn't really ready and wasn't fully into it or I do things he likes but then get mad at him or just get irritated him all around sometimes, and then I realize later on that I was being stupid. I almost never tell him how I feel, I just deal with it on my own. he does know I have some issues with my family and stuff currently. and recently I've been getting counseling because I haven't been taking care of myself, but I haven't told him. I feel like he should be pouring over me, like I sometimes do, but he doesn't. but I feel like he's just comfortable and is like "ok" every time I go through the moods. so over all I'm just frustrated and overthinking. most people think he just doesn't care and that I should break up with him, but I'm the one to be attached and not have the balls to do it because I feel like things can change. and he is receptive to me, and does whatever I say or what most of the time. so why am I being so effing crazy?! my roommate says that I let my head win over my heart and let things build up for no reason because of my impatience and that he's just lazy? IDFK
Most Helpful Girl
Trying hard doesn't work. When you're a woman, when you do less it is so much better. When you are so buys living your own life, and focusing on YOUR life and not his it makes him even more attracted to you. When you make things comfortable for a guy, he gets too comfortable, and won't try to do anything, because you are trying to do everything.
I'm so glad you are getting counseling, that is a great step to taking care of YOU. If you don't feel like having sex, DON'T have sex.
You can tell him how you FEEL, but not what he has done WRONG.
I know it's counter-intuitive, but when you back off, men almost always respond to this. Be patient, but don't be a pushover.
Good luck sweetie! Take care of yourself ;)2