Which guy is a better choice at this age/time in my life? No, really, I'm serious.

Yeah, this is kind of another "which guy is better" question, but bear with me, it might be interesting.

Both guys are amazing in different ways, and both have their flaws. I'm 19, and am graduating from college this spring (yeah, way early.)

Guy one is someone who I was super good friends with, but he liked me and it didn't work out at the time, so I haven't been in contact with him for a while. I'm thinking of trying to contact him again, if only for his friendship. Guy 2 is someone I met a little over a month ago, we kissed, and we've been talking ever since but he's in a different state. So here are details:

Guy 1--6'4", blond, slim/average build, 21.


-Super great conversationalist. Never lets it get boring.

-We understand how each other thinks.

-We're involved in the same kind of activities.

-Not afraid to commit.

-Super affectionate.

-Supportive of stuff I do/think/want.

-Brilliantly smart and hilariously witty.


-Has depression, used to struggle with self-harm.

-Due to that, tanked in college and dropped out this year.

-Doesn't have a plan for his life.

-Selfish in bed

-Selfish in general...he has a history of hooking up with girls who are dating other guys.

-Needy and doesn't listen when I tell him I'm busy.

-Was a player in high school--and possibly still now, doesn't have actual sex though.

Guy 2--5'10", dark hair, average build, 19, sophomore in college.


-Only kissed 3 girls ever (including me)--pretty sure he's a virgin.

-Extremely kindhearted and cares about people.

-Has high standards, makes good choices.

-Fun and easy to be around (at least as far as I know)

-Smart and does well in school--engineering major


-Not a good communicator, and is bad at texting.

-We run out of things to talk about, it feels awkward.

-He's more of a jock, I'm more artsy, we don't care about the others' interests much.

-Kind of a flirt with all girls.

-Appears flaky sometimes...I can't tell if he's telling the truth.

-Seems to want to take things really slow.

I'm sure there are more things I could list...but anyway, which do you think would be a "smarter" choice? I know people are just going to say "do what your heart tells you" but really. I've had feelings for both of them at different times. Maybe I won't be with either, but both, I feel, are something a little more special than average. What are your opinions of these two guys?

  • Guy one is amazing
    Vote A
  • Guy 2 is amazing
    Vote B
  • Neither of them sounds that good
    Vote C
  • I have no idea/show results
    Vote D
Select a gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy


Most Helpful Girl

  • Neither of these guys are good choices for you. It's clear you want us to pick guy #1, but his cons are really NOT good. And while guy #2 sounds nice enough, it's obvious you aren't into him, so cut them both off.

    • hmm. I really wasn't trying to get you to pick either one haha. I guess it might sound like that though, but those are just the things I thought of. You seem spot on with your answer though :P

    • Glad I can help. Sometimes we just need an outside perspective to see what was already right in front of us all along. Cheers.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I think I can definitely help you with this.

    The characteristic of Guy one definitely say that he can't be trusted. He doesn't seem to have a direction in life, so this will definite be a big source of argument when he guys are together. His Pros seem to contradict his cons as well. A super great conversationalist with depression and self harm. Brilliantly smart and witty guy that drop out of college. Not afraid to commit but he doesn't have a plan for his life, selfish in bed, and hooking up with girl that is suppose to be unavailable?

    It seem to be that he is very much afraid to commit to anything. He can't commit to a direction in life, finish college, a girl friend because he hook up with women that are unavailable, and since he is selfish he isn't willing to commit to a compromise.

    As for the second guy, he seem like a really nice guy that have a hard time communicating to you. All engineer are pretty awkward socially so that's no surprise. Most of the time engineer over analyze things and when they talk, it seem like they might be telling a lie because the statement is 90% true and 10% false. Most people will say it like they it a truth that they can bet their life on, but an engineer knows better.

    First guys have impact but the second guy will have endurance. I can see you lasting a few month with the first guy, but the second guy will take a few month to get started. Good luck.

    • Very interesting answer, thank you for your input!

      Yeah guy one does seem contradictory, but that's how he is. :P I think he could commit to someone he really likes, but I don't know how it'd work out.

      Guy 2 is really nice, I just wish there was more of a connection. Do you advise I take the time to "get started" him, because then it might end up working?

    • Engineer are a cautious bunch. You have you understand the stuff they do involve life and death. They have to be more than sure to commit to anything. If you open up to him first I think you will find that his communication skill isn't all that bad, he was just too reserve to tell you things that might expose him to being hurt by you.

    • Alright, well thanks for your perspective, I'll definitely keep that in mind!

  • I can't really give you a choice here. Whichever guy shows more interest = probably the one you'll get together with. OR you might cross that guy off and go with the other.

    OR you might find a new guy who'll beat them both.

    It's all up to you. However, I'm gonna point out that guy one doesn't seem to have a good future ahead of him, unless he's planning ahead and working on himself. Oh, uhm, he seems really sensitive too. So perhaps when he's ready to take that pacifier out of his mouth, he'll be a better catch.

    • So, your view is sorta that a guy with a future is better than a guy I get along with really well? That's totally legit, just clarifying. And of course, yes this is up to me and all that.

    • See, this is tough. You got one guy with a good personality. You have good chemistry. So you'll like seeing each other. The other guy has a career in mind, so he will bring the wealth. But his social abilities are lacking. I, myself, have run out of things to say to a girl I'm dating. But I don't let the silence be awkward. I still enjoy it and the girl ends up reading my body language like everything is ok.

    • Exactly. I guess I'm not sure what's better in general, personality or stability. My last boyfriend was a great guy in terms of values and our physical chemistry was amazing...but it got to the point where we didn't agree much and didn't have enough in common to enjoy each others' company in a non-physical way. So I don't want that to happen again. :P

  • I voted but I still think that you should make your own decision. What your heart says is more important than anything I can vote for.

    I know just a fragment of who they are and I know almost nothing of who you are. Nobody here can make not nearly as good decision as you can.

    • True true...but thanks!

  • Number one has some very good points (supports you, has similar interests, you understand each other), but also very serious negative points as well. Also I don't quite get how he is willing to commit if you still think he is a player and he hooks up with 'taken' girls (kind of a sign he's not interested in a relationship)

    Other dude seems more solid personally, but you probably aren't all that compatible (awkward conversations, not much in common)

    Unless there is something else there that would make guy 2 be more compatible with you than you're making it out to be here. Try it out with guy one maybe he wants to make positive changes in his life and your the girl who can help motivate him. If he doesn't, you won't be able to change him and then you should leave. Just not to the other guy.

    • Well to answer your first point--he admitted to me that he was a player in high school, implying that he wasn't anymore. I think he wants a good relationship now but if he can't find one, might continue to just hook up with girls.

      I know that he thinks being with me would help him...but that's a lot of responsibility on me.

      Maybe I should see if guy 2 and I are more compatible after knowing each other longer?

      Thanks for the answer! I'm just in a debate with myself, as you can see.

  • You can't settle on one for sure that you really love beyond all others then you should choose neither. I don't get what's hard about this. Why do people ask "who should I choose." If you have to ask, the answer is obviously neither.

    • I get what you're saying. But it's more like, "who should I give a chance to?" Both have good things about them, and no one's going to be perfect.

    • Show All
    • Well, yeah, I guess I know what you mean. The thing is, I've had that feeling for both of these guys. It was a while ago with guy 1, true, but it wasn't a good time then, so maybe trying to start it up again is a bad idea.

      When I met guy 2, I was surprised at how well we connected. I actually liked him, and I thought I wouldn't feel that way about a guy for a long time. But long-distance doesn't seem to work because we hardly know each other. It's pretty much faded and I don't know if I should keep trying.

    • If you let distance get in the way then that's a pity. Long distance doesn't matter tbh.

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