What can you do when all else has failed?

When you've tried the speed dating thing, tried the clubs, tried online dating, tried meeting someone at work, tried having your friends introduce you to someone else... you've tried a lot over the course of 6 years... yet the farthest you've ever gotten was friends (which you never talk to ever again and who they try to avoid you)

Do you keep trying, do you give up, do you keep the faith, hope, ect... When you've tried many approaches and can no longer reason why you're still alone... What do you do?

Im. Not sure if it's just a relationship I'm looking for, just female companion, or fear of being alone. I am deathly afraid of living a long life without someone. But I'm also not just looking for the sake of it. I dunno, I've never had a girl who was my friend or a girlfriend until I turned 21. No I'm not a fat Ugga.. I was never socially active, I was shy lone wolf like. Not I'm not overly attractive. I've been considered cute by some of the friends/girls I've talked too.
But I've never broke the friends barrier. And sometimes it breaks my heart to fail and turn around to see that same person in an abusive relationship. Its like karma is doing it wrongl I don't know the trying to hard not trying at all, striking a balance, it's just words. The emotional stress gets to me, I ignore it but for a while I can't. I'm not trying to actively seek it in my head, but I'm having too many dreams where I'm happily in a relationship. And I wake up alone, and it hurts, so yea...


Most Helpful Guy

  • Exactly my point... you just reiterated right there what I just told you. You talk about giving up on finding the one yet you aren't even sure its the "one" you are looking for and right there you show all kind of doubt as to "you don't even know what you want" You also seem to be down on yourself, yes you have to have a physical attraction for any relationship to work but there is so much more that one needs to look at. When you are down on yourself like you just expressed with all the doubt, people can see that and feel that too from you. Those are things one can't hide no matter how hard they try. So to me the confidence isn't there in yourself. That is something as I mentioned a bit ago that you need to find. You need to do some soul searching and reread what I wrote because you basically just stated and supported everything I said in the first message. The dreams is a good start actually, this starts to show you how you view your relationship that you want to be in with your significant other.

    • I don't know man one does not simply know what they want just by thinking about it, when child eats food they do not know if they will or won't like it. Only after trying many things do they know. Dating is a lot like that. Until you experience life with others it's hard to tell. And confidence you say? I'm not afraid of any of it. I try I talk I walk right up to girls and talk normal. I dance with them. But hey you might know something I don't.

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What Girls Said 1

  • keep faith.. but stop actively looking. Just be yourself and live. Things happen when you're least expecting it

    • I direct to Can guys really go a long time without girlfriends? by Unreallover.

      Here is a quote. Never F*****G tell a lonely person don't worry it'll happen when you least expect it. Well no S**T they've not been expecting it for a long time now, so stop giving them reasons to give up!

      Backwardsly telling them to give up and rest... doesn't really solve their problem. If they've been trying hard and it hasn't happened, what makes you think it will happen at all? Faith?

    • you asked what to do, I gave my answer. If they've been trying really hard and it hasn't worked, maybe not trying so hard will work. But that apparently isn't the advice you want so I don't know what to tell you..

    • Well I know where you're coming from, a person shouldn't tear themselves up about it. But sometimes not doing a thing will leave you very sad and very lonely. Where I come from that story where you just suddenly meet someone, doesn't work at all. You have to look for someone, and where I am girls are PICKY as heck. I've a good job, nice car, good hair cut, I smile at the right times, I'm openly approachable, but what I do doesn't work. I'm 26, not date since 21, I'm scared of being alone now.

What Guys Said 3

  • Ok, first off take a deep breath. Ok... now here is what you need to do. I see that you have tried many different avenues to find the "one" and none have worked yet so here is what I would reccommend. First off you are trying way too hard. I know its easier said than done, but you need to stop looking and instead start living. Let me explain... you don't want to come out showing you are desperate sometimes when you may find a girl you like you may come off as being kind of wanting the relationship and maybe not the girl. Again I will explain, I understand you are looking for the one, but it also seems like maybe you are just trying to get someone to get to the dating stage with you, as you mentioned you can't get past the friend zone. You may show yourself as being too strong that women might not want to take that chance with you. You need to just be yourself, do stuff that you enjoy. You could end up finding someone there that enjoys the same things as you. So in other words you will find someone that has stuff in common with you, then you can grow from that and enjoy each others company. A couple more things you need to take into account. This may not be the right time yet, where you are supposed to meet that someone. Even though you say you are ready to meet that someone, you need to ask yourself if you are truly ready to meet her or is there something in your life that is holding you back from meeting her. The other thing is...do you truly know what you want out of the girl you seek? Do you know what attributes you are looking for that girl to have? Do you know what you want out of life? Another big question to ask yourself is when you meet these girls do you show the confidence? Do you truly feel confident in giving yourself and doing all it will take to make a relationship work? There are just quite a few questions that you need to ask yourself. So take time to figure out who you are, what you want and where you want to go. I say never give up on love, never lose the faith and never give up hope. Everything happens for a reason and I am confident to say when you are completely happy with yourself and you know the direction you want to go in and what you are looking for that you will meet that girl and it will be beyond amazing. One more tidbit to view this a different way. Every relationship in everyones life that isn't meant to be helps them learn, and move on to get ready for that special someone that they will meet when the time is right. I wish you the best of luck! Keep your head up! If its meant to happen, it will happen!

    • To be honest I've not even had enough experience at this point to know half the questions. I have sort of a general idea but. I've only been with. One girl... And it ended horribly I was a try hard fool and she was a dispassionate cheating harlot. I'm 26 I've not been friends with too. Many women. And yea I've tried not trying and after 2 years of being myself and just going with the flow.. Well it doesn't seem to help. It's been a long too long while. I'm not sure if it's a relationship

  • So many women in these times aren't interested in any sort of relationship, so inevitably, some men are going to be without partners.

    Try learning a foreign language, check out the teacher, and get to know people in a minority culture where women aren't so hostile, and will look at a man even if he isn't in a top income bracket.

  • Hang in there man.I think you need a reality check. First be sure so that you don't screw.But if I were you, I'd get rich first then they'll come streaming down you won't know who to pick. let her know exactly how you feel about her and see how she reacts.