I always get hurt by the people I think care about me, am I doing something wrong?

Let me preface by saying I'm not long breaking away from a long-term fixation of unrequited love with my best friend, or... ex best friend... :(, and I've decided to try and get back into the dating pool.

I'm 17, and I've never had a real (true, not one-sided) relationship, and every time I try to establish something I manage to get hurt because I let myself trust too quickly.

I've been struggling with depression for the last four years (largely brought on by my destructive relationship with the aforementioned friend), and its caused pretty severe social anxiety. As a result I rarely work up the courage to actually ask out anyone of my interest, and when I do its because they really mean a lot to me.

Unfortunately, I seem to be a magnet for pain! The start of this year, a long time friend decided it would be fun to sleep with me (not have sex, we just spent the night together, cuddling) then continue to lead me on for two weeks before breaking it off and completely refusing to talk to me. After a while I decided to pick up and move on, and I started into a long-distance relationship with a friend of a friend, which seemed to be going great! Things became sexual, pretty quickly, which I was rather excited by. Because of the distance we couldn't be physical, but we bridged the gap with video conversations whenever we got the chance. She left me on Valentine's day, without really talking about things, just citing that she "couldn't do long distance". Since then (I know, quick) I decided to ask out an old crush that I let slip by while I was still stuck on my best friend. She said she'd like to, we talked the whole day, she seemed to be having fun, then the next day (and since then, this was fiour days ago) she's been completely ignoring me, both digitally and in-person. I don't understand what happened, but this has happened to me virtually every other time I've expressed interest in somebody.

I'd like to state this right-off, I'm not desperate, I'm just lonely as all hell and its being severely compounded by my depression. Friends don't interest me anymore, and when they do they all seem to want to shun me. I don't feel like I'm good enough for anybody (and hell, I'm probably not), and the few people who have expressed interest back either suffer from similar problems and are afraid to get attached, or are already in a relationship.

I really just don't feel like this is fair, most of my friends can find somebody, leave them and pick up again in the span of a week! I can't even find somebody who wants to give me a chance and go on a casual date. I try to hide my feelings and throw on a fake smile, but lately its just too much, and I guess I seem pretty weak to people who don't know me, not really too attractive... :(

Any advice would be really appreciated, sorry for the bit of a long-winded rant but I'm not sure how to condense all this.


Lonely and broken.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm going to be as honest, and as sincere as I can be, as I fully (and completely) understand what you are going through. I will start off by saying kudos. Social anxiety is very hard to deal with, and the fact that you are making an attempt to court a girl is nothing short of remarkable. I really do mean that, and you should be proud of yourself.

    You think there's something wrong with you, and feel like you've exhausted every option so it must be your fault, right? It's as if your sure you would know if it was them, and its not, so it must be you. I can promise you its not.

    Before you go any further in searching for a relationship, you need to start working on the social anxiety by seeing a counselor or therapist (preferably the latter). It's gonna be a long and arduous road, but you need to get that under control or the fear will take over your life. Like I stated earlier, you've gotten a great start. You just need to add some life experience/help and you will be okay. I'm just trying to help you so you don't have to go through what I did.

    Keep the person you like as a friend for now. I understand your in love and want a relationship, but your going to need her because your going to need support from people you already know. social anxiety makes it very hard to get out and find someone as close as the person you already have. You can do it, but why not make it easier and keep the friend that knows you?

    Things will get better. It took a long time for me, and I'm still working on it. Made a lot of sacrifices to get to where I'm at, and you'll have to make some as well. It is worth it though. Whenever you work everything out and you've got the person you love standing next to you, you'll realize it was never you in the first place that had a problem, and that there really wasn't that big of a problem anyway. I hope you can work everything out and I will pray for you, cause I know it's soul crushing. Good luck man. Send me a message if you feel like your losing grip.


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What Girls Said 1

  • maybe you're too nice. focus on yourself a bit more but look out for others casually. be fun and chil and everything should work out pretty good.


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